Character

Raising Kids of Strong Character: Self-Control

tony — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 14:52:20 -0700

Are you the parent that has to cut their shopping trip or restaurant visit short because your toddler embarrasses you with a temper tantrum? Have you ever had to give other parents a dirty look because they glare at you like you're a horrible parent because your child has no self-control? Sometimes you just want to throw yourself down on the floor and start throwing a tantrum of your own just to blow off some steam when your toddler starts screaming.

Unfortunately, you can't do this (not in public, anyways) without the guys in white coats coming to take you away. Your only alternative is to teach your young child self-control so they know how to behave in public and resist their impulse urges. With these tips, you can raise a child that has some degree of self-control and you can end the madness that has become parenthood.

Set clear rules and boundaries. Many tantrums and disagreements with children occur because they aren't sure what's expected of them. Instead of having a rule that vaguely says, "Don't act up in the store," make it more specific by saying, "No whining, crying, yelling, screaming, complaining or screaming in the store." But setting rules is only half of it. The other half is to enforce those rules. With each rule, have a specific consequence. When your child breaks the store rule, the specific consequence could be that they don't get a toy on that visit or they get a two-hour grounding when they get home. You might be surprised how willing children are to behave when they know exactly what's expected of them and the consequences.
Take a time out. This is for the children, not for you. When you see your young child start showing signs of anger or aggression, remove them from the situation or distract them for a couple minutes. Most times, this will divert their attention away from whatever is causing their anger and focus it on something else. For example, if you are at a play date with your child and you see him getting angry with the other child, take him away from the situation for a minute and talk about something else. Chances are, by the time he gets back, he won't even remember what he was getting angry about in the first place.
Give your child enough positive attention. There's a huge difference between positive and negative attention. Positive attention occurs when you praise your child for doing something good. You can give positive attention by giving rewards, a pat on the back or simply saying something encouraging when they do something good. Negative attention, on the other hand, occurs when children do something bad or against the rules. This kind of attention is usually yelling, screaming or even spanking in some households. Negative attention is the type that leads to a child losing their self-control. They just want attention of any kind. And if you're not giving them positive attention, they're going to misbehave as much as it takes to get negative attention. If this means throwing a tantrum or losing control, they'll do it.
Be a model of self-control. We've all seen the anti-drug commercial where the father finds drugs in the teenage boy's bedroom and asks where he learned it from. The teenage boy fires back with, "From you, dad! I learned it from watching you!" It's the same way with your behavior. If you often lose self-control and start yelling and cussing and screaming around the house, you're not setting a very good example for your child. The best way to teach self-control is to demonstrate it, even if that means during the worst and most frustrating situations. Most of the time, you might not even be conscious that you're doing it. Be aware of your actions at all times. If you can't control yourself when you're alone, you'll have an even more difficult time when others are around.
Keep your child stimulated. Boredom leads to restlessness. Restlessness leads to anger. And anger leads to a loss of self-control. The best way to keep your child calm is to provide them with stimulating activities and things to do. When you're at the grocery store with your children, give them part of the shopping list that they are responsible for. When you're at home, make sure to have a variety of toys and activities to keep them entertained. The more stimulated and challenged a child feels, the less chance he will have of becoming aggressive and angry.
Be consistent. This is key. It's difficult enough to teach your children a characteristic or trait. But it's even more difficult when you're not consistent in your rules or enforcements. When you're inconsistent, you're giving your child mixed signals. This means that your child is unclear as to what's expected of them. As a result, they lose their self-control as they try to test their limits and see what they can get away with. As hard as it may be at times, be consistent and enforce the rules each time your child breaks one of them.

A child that loses self-control can be embarrassing, humiliating and even dangerous at times. That's why it's so important to teach your child how to control their emotions even when they want to be aggressive. With these suggestions and some patience, you can help your child grow up to be in control of their emotions and actions and you'll even be able to maintain your own self-control during the process.

Raising Kids of Strong Character: Self-Confidence

tony — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 14:28:09 -0700

We've all lived through the horror that was high school. We've experienced the acne, the showering in the locker room with the other guys, and getting rejected for dates by girls that we had the biggest crush on (well, not all of us have experienced that). All of that can wreak havoc on a guy's self-confidence, especially if he didn't have a very favorable image of himself to begin with. But now that you're a father, you can correct the self-image mistakes you made by instilling a sense of self-confidence into your children. With any luck, these suggestions will help you raise a highly confident young adult that succeeds in academics, social relationships and anything else that they try in life.

Start showing them love from the beginning. By the time an infant is 18 months old, they have a sense that they are a separate being and they have a separate identity from those around them. That's why it's so important to show them love and encouragement during their first few months of life. Be sure to praise their abilities and recognize their strengths so your expectations will fit their temperament.
Be sincere with your praise. Praising your child for the good things they do is a great way to instill a strong sense of self-confidence. But doing this too much could have the opposite effect. If you shout, "Good Job!" every time they tie their shoes, the praise is going to lose all of its meaning for them. One way to prevent the praise from losing meaning is to make it more specific to the task they completed. For instance, something like "You really helped daddy rake up those leaves this morning" is much more heartfelt and sincere than just saying, "Thanks for the help."
Teach children to be self-sufficient. The more responsibility you give children, the better they're going to feel about themselves. But be sure you give them tasks that they can do at their age. You can't give a four-year-old the task of washing the car and expect him to complete it. But you can expect them to get their own juice box out of the fridge or put their toys away each day when they're done with them. The less dependent they become on you, the more self-confidence they have. As a bonus, it makes your life easier, too.
Allow your child to fail. One of the hardest things a dad has to do is watch his young son or daughter take on a difficult task and fail at it. Their tears can melt your heart. But if they never fail, they never learn how to do things themselves. Riding a bike is a great example. The only way they'll learn to balance without the training wheels is to let them ride on their own and fall down a time or two. Of course, be sure they have on protective gear, including a helmet, knee pads and elbow pads. It might be painful to watch them fall a few times, but you're going to enjoy how excited they are when they finally learn to do it on their own.
Encourage your child to do new things. It's boring to succeed at the same thing every time. Think of yourself, for example. Driving a car has probably become like second nature to you. You've accomplished the task and now you accomplish it every day on the way to work and on the way home. But if you were to try driving a huge moving truck, that might be something different that you'd accomplish and feel good about it. Now transfer that to your child. After they've learned how to do a simple task, start increasing the difficulty incrementally. Choose slightly harder books to read or more difficult chores to do around the house and be sure to praise them each time they succeed at those tasks.
Place the focus on relationships instead of appearance. As children grow into adolescence, they tend to place a great deal of focus on their appearance. But oddly enough, no teenager on earth is comfortable with the way they look. That's why your adolescent will never gain self-confidence through their physical appearance as long as they're in high school and even a few years afterward. As they grow up, teach them to place their main focus on the relationships they have with others, such as you, their mom, other family members and friends. If they feel comfortable and secure in their relationships, they'll feel much better about themselves despite their appearance.
Express confidence yourself. Your children learn from what they see you do. So when you express lack of confidence when doing a task or with the way you look, they're likely to do the same. You might have a little work to do in that area before you can teach your child how to have self-confidence. Apply the previous steps to yourself and you can increase your own self-image, too.

Self-confidence is one of the cornerstones of success. Without it, you're afraid to try new things or put yourself "out there" to expand your abilities and skills. But confidence isn't necessarily something you're born with. That's why it's so important to know the techniques to teach your child the confidence they need to succeed in life. With these suggestions, your child can grow up to be a respectable and successful adult that you can be proud of.

Raising Kids of Strong Character: Self-Awareness

tony — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 14:23:21 -0700

Young children almost never have a sense of self-awareness. That's why you've probably caught them running around in front of people without any clothes on. And they tend to find the most inappropriate times to show their shame, too. Have you ever had to leave church early because you took your eyes off your toddler for three seconds and the next thing you knew he was as naked as a jaybird? Or have you ever had to run toward your toddler with a blanket because they were prancing around in all their glory at your in-law's 50^th anniversary party? Hopefully, they gain a sense of self-awareness as they grow up and outgrow this phase while still having the confidence they need to succeed in their academic, social and work life. Here are some tips to help you guide them toward that type of self-awareness that teaches them who they are and their place in the world.

Encourage their individuality. Children learn about themselves by expressing their interests and participating in their favorite activities. But if you're constantly stifling their creativity, you might make them more confused than they already are. Instead, encourage them to participate in their favorite sport, instrument or other activity that they enjoy and don't force them to participate in activities they don't enjoy. The fact that they are able to make the decision for themselves will give them a sense of confidence and self-awareness that they didn't have before.
Provide a nurturing and emotionally secure environment. Studies have shown that children who grow up in homes where they felt unloved or emotionally detached show a low level of self-identity. Many of them feel like their personality is simply a response to others instead of being an individual person themselves. Be sure to show affection and love toward your child and provide the best possible environment for them to grow up in. When this happens, your child will feel secure enough to form their own personality and identity.
Create name games. One of the simplest and most effective ways for helping your child create an individual identity is to focus on their name. Create games that they can play that focuses on their name. For example, if their name is Chad, have your child come up with one of the qualities for each letter. "C is for caring, H is for happy..." and so on. Since every child knows their own name, this is a great way to help them develop self-awareness.
Ask them questions about themselves. Help your child to explore their own personality by asking them open-ended questions that allows them to express how they feel. Try to avoid questions with one-word answers ("Do you feel sad when you see a hurt puppy?"). Instead, ask them, "What kinds of things make you sad?" You can also do a variation on this by asking them to complete the sentence, "I feel sad when..." Anything you can do to get your child to open up and explore their identity will help them form a strong sense of self-awareness in their early years. This will help them develop maturely into adolescence and into adulthood.
Explore their group identity. One way for children to acquire a personal identity is to start with their group identity. Does your young son belong to the Cub Scouts? Or does your daughter belong to a certain dance troupe? If so, they identify themselves with those particular groups. This can even expand into a certain classroom or even a team if they play a sport. Encourage your child to explore their group identity, but make sure this isn't they only way they identify themselves. Use it as a starting off point to begin talking about their individual identity.
Look in the mirror together. Young children might not know that the person in the mirror is actually them. But as they grow older, they begin to learn that fact. When your child is old enough to realize this, sit in front of the mirror with them and ask them what they see. Ask your child to describe the person looking back at them and ask what kind of person they are. Ask them their likes and dislikes and their favorite activities and hobbies. This is an ideal way to get them to open up about themselves and really talk about who they are. By talking about the person in the mirror instead of them, they typically feel less inhibited and less shy.

Self-awareness isn't an easy characteristic to teach. In fact, it might be one of the more difficult traits for a child to acquire. But that doesn't mean it's impossible. With a little love, patience and understanding, you can teach your child to be their own person while still being a productive member of society. After all, we still struggle for acceptance even at our age. Think of how difficult it can be for a child just starting out in life.

Raising Kids of Strong Character: Integrity

tony — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 14:15:28 -0700

The word "integrity" seems to be an abstract ideal in our society. Everybody has a different idea about what it actually means. Maybe that's because it's been a disappearing quality in recent generations. But as a parent, teaching your child how to act with integrity is vital for their development. You don't want your child to become a person who breaks promises, lies and has no concern for others. After all, you're raising a child, not a politician. Luckily, there are some things you can do to prevent your child from growing up and appearing on "Cops" or "Jerry Springer." Follow these suggestions to raise a child that is full of integrity.

Know what the word "integrity" means. The term means more than just being honest. Integrity refers to a person's innermost characteristics and staying true to their beliefs. People who have integrity say what they mean and mean what they say. True integrity comes from honesty, taking personal responsibility and adhering to a code of moral values. You can't just throw around the word "integrity" and expect your child to know what it means if you don't know what it means yourself.
Be the example. Children learn their character traits best by watching others. Who better to watch than their father? Fathers are the role models in the household and they need to act that way. If you're doing shady business deals, cheating on your taxes or not practicing what you're preaching, your children will see that and pick it up as one of their traits as well. Even everyday things like running red lights when nobody is around, leaving a small tip for your waitress or taking the extra change that the cashier at the grocery store gives you shows a lack of integrity, too. Although these might seem like trivial things to you, they can still have a huge impact on an observant child. If you're going to act without integrity, don't let your children see it. The best thing to do is just act with integrity all the time - even when they're not watching.
Keep your promises. A child's memory is unbelievable. They might not remember to eat their vegetables in the cafeteria at school, but they'll remember two weeks ago when you said you'd take them to the baseball game. If you break that promise, they're going to remember it for years (and maybe even a lifetime). Keeping your word is part of showing integrity, so be sure to follow through with your promises at all costs. If it's just impossible to keep your promise, discuss the situation with your child and see if they'll let you "off the hook." But make sure this is more of the exception rather than the rule when you say you'll do something.
Teach friendship skills. Socializing and interacting with other children will do wonders for teaching them integrity. If you have young children, supervise their playtime and make sure they share with other children. Make sure they understand the benefits of sharing so they'll be sure to do it even when you're not around. For older children, teach them the differences between being a "good friend" who has concern for others and being a "bad friend" or an acquaintance. By using friendships as teaching moments, your child will learn that a huge part of integrity is to treat others the same way they'd like to be treated themselves.
Instill empathy and compassion. These are two main characteristics of integrity because it teaches children to put themselves in "someone else's shoes." It also gives them an idea of how other people feel in situations where there is a lack of integrity. If you catch your child making fun of another child on the playground, try to get them to understand how that other child feels when they get ridiculed. If you find out that your child's friend has a sick family member, ask your child how they would feel if one of their family members were sick. By doing this, your child might have a totally different perspective on their actions and show more integrity when dealing with these types of situations.
Don't turn the TV off. Well, turn it off sometimes. But watching TV with your child provides a plethora of teaching moments for teaching your children integrity and character-driven values. When you see Britney Spears or Paris Hilton frolicking around half naked, it's a great moment to teach your daughter why that type of behavior is unacceptable. When your son sees his favorite ball player being questioned about steroid abuse, it's a great time to explain why drugs are dangerous and unacceptable. You can also find everyday examples all around you if you just look for them. Whenever you see something that conflicts with the core values you want your child to have, point it out to your child and explain why they shouldn't do that. Don't intentionally expose your children to the bad behavior, though. There's no need to rent rated-R movies or take your child to "the wrong side of town" when you can find dozens of teaching moments surrounding you every day.
Use your faith. If you belong to a church, use the values from your faith to instill a sense of integrity into your children's character. Churches and religious materials are known for teaching character and integrity. Many parents teach their children that they can go to heaven if they live a life of integrity. If this works with your child, use it. But it's also good for them to see a group of people living the same values that you're trying to teach them at home.
Teach individuality. Many kids will get into trouble by simply following the crowd. They don't want to be different because they want acceptance from their peers. But you can teach your child that being different is also a great character trait. They don't have to be like everybody else to have integrity and they certainly don't have to break the law or get into trouble to be "cool."

It's up to you to teach your kids about integrity. If you don't, the media and their friends will teach them completely opposite values. Think of it as a non-violent fight between you and "them" for your child's character, values and traits. By being an example and using the mentioned suggestions, you're much more likely to win the fight. The important thing is that you give it your best shot and hope for the best. Even our best efforts can fail, but no effort at all is certain to fail indeed.

Raising Kids of Strong Character: Sense of Humor

tony — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 14:08:14 -0700

How many dads does it take to change a light bulb?
We'll never know, because he'll lower the ceiling to install a new fixture, replumb the entire bathroom, redo all the wiring and install a new floor before he gets around to it.

Everyone loves to laugh and even stupid jokes are fun. In fact, humor and laughter may be the world's oldest and greatest form of entertainment. A love of laughter, however, does a lot more than just feel good. A sense of humor makes a person more likable, which in turn helps both professional and interpersonal success. Polls say it is one of the most important traits that mates look for, and studies show it is one of the key factors in marriages that stay together. In addition, humor helps mental and emotional development. It develops creative thinking, increases alertness, and assists in managing emotions and reducing stress. It even helps our health, reducing heart attacks, clearing respiratory passages, speeding recoveries, reducing pain, and decreasing the sizes of welts. Plus, experts say that a hundred belly laughs is the aerobic equivalent of ten minutes on a rowing machine. Clearly, laughing with your kids and helping your kids love to laugh is one of the most fun-and most important-parts of being a dad. Perhaps some of the below tips will help you laugh with your kids, help your kids develop a sense of humor, and help you both lead a lifetime of laughing together.

Laugh with your child daily. A love of laughter is addictive so make an effort to get your kids laughing every single day. Even if you are usually the only one laughing at your jokes, having kids is your big chance to finally get a receptive audience for your comedic genius. That's because kids laugh when other people are laughing just to be part of the group, so you don't even have to be funny. Just make laughter a priority and go for quantity over quality. As long as you are enjoying yourself, your kids will join in the fun.
Find the types of humor that work. Every kid at each stage of development will think something different is funny. Toddlers might like funny faces. Five-year-olds might enjoy silly make-believe like pretending you don't know where she is when she is standing right in front of you. Bodily function jokes are the meat-and-potatoes of the universal language of laughter if you are willing to take the low road. And, honestly, most of our senses of humor haven't matured past seventh grade, so it won't take long for our kids to catch up. So just go with the flow, find what's funny for you, and see what makes your kid laugh at each age.
Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't be afraid of looking like an idiot-in fact, your own ridiculous behavior or stupid mistakes might be your funniest asset. You spill water on your shirt while you are drinking-you could swear, and stomp off to get a paper towel. Or you can yell "My shirt is thirsty," and dump the rest of the glass on yourself-a guaranteed laugh. Pretty much any situation that proves Daddy is a moron is sure to keep kids (and wives) laughing again and again.
Use humor to lighten the mood. Sometimes the best way to fix a bad mood is with laughter. Humor reduces stress and smoothes out tension. Keep some jokes in your head to tell your kids for when you are in a long line at the grocery store. Laugh together after a fight. Think of funny games to play for when you are stuck in traffic. Humor is the best medicine for any situation.
Encourage appropriate humor. It will be embarrassing when your seven-year-old says in public "Did you hear the funny joke about the rabbi, priest, and the preacher who walked into a strip club?" So use good sense yourself about what is appropriate to share with your kids. If you do use potty humor, explain when and why certain jokes are best kept within the family. When your kids do something funny and appropriate, give them positive feedback by laughing at their jokes.

Because kids learn humor by example, making that extra effort to play pretend, act silly, or remember a funny joke, will help your kids develop one of life's greatest joys. You'll be rewarded too; your kids' laughter and tomfoolery is priceless. So seek out laughter and encourage humor-a life of laughter is guaranteed to be a great one.

Raising Kids of Strong Character: Compassion

tony — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 13:24:51 -0700

How many times have you caught your child laughing or giggling at someone's misfortune? Does your child have a tendency to make fun of others who are fatter, skinnier, smarter, dumber or anything else that makes them different? Does your toddler think it's funny when they run up and punch you in the "boys" and then run away? If you've taken one too many hits to the groin, it might be time to start teaching them about compassion. "Compassion" refers to understanding and feeling empathetic when somebody else is in pain or hurting, either emotionally or physically. It also means that you don't do anything to hurt somebody. You can use these suggestions to help your child understand and practice the idea of compassion. Afterwards, you might even be able to throw your protective cup in the trash.

Express compassion from birth. The earlier you start showing caring and compassion to your infant, the better they'll learn the same traits as a toddler. Many fathers tend to have a problem showing compassion for their children. But when you hold that tiny infant in your arms each time, how can you help but care for that precious thing more than anything in the world? The more you do this during the infant years, the more likely you'll be to have the same feelings as they grow through those not-so-cute years. And when you express compassion to them as toddlers, they'll have a better understanding of how to express it to others.
Demonstrate compassion. How will your child know what compassion is or how to demonstrate it if they don't see you doing it? And you have to be genuine about it, too. Children can be quite astute when you're faking something. So making sure you have genuine compassion is important. This might even be something you'll need to work on yourself. But the best way to learn it is to teach it to someone else. Teaching compassion to your child can be a valuable learning experience for both of you.
Start with stuffed animals. Children are great at showing their feelings toward inanimate objects. That's why they tend to carry their favorite teddy bear or other stuffed animal with them wherever they go. If your child has a favorite stuffed animal that they like to hug and show their love to, encourage it. They'll eventually grow out of that phase and transfer those same feelings to you and others.
Get your child (and you) involved. The absolute best way to learn compassion is to volunteer. Few things are as humbling as serving lunch at a local homeless shelter on Thanksgiving or Christmas. But you don't need to start out with that. Encourage your child to collect money for a very worthy cause, give some of their toys to an orphanage or spend some time with the elderly at a nursing home. And while you're at it, do the same thing yourself. You'll be surprised how rewarded and fulfilled you'll feel afterwards. Your child will grow up with more compassion towards others, too.
Pray. If your family goes to church or practices a particular faith, praying for others is a great way to introduce compassion to your children. The very act of thinking about helping someone can make you feel humbled. Gather as a family each night and turn off any distractions. Try to make a list of people who have needs and pray for them instead of praying for that new sailboat to go on sale. Pray aloud and you'll get a sense of your child's level of compassion by hearing the things that they ask for. You might just be surprised at how unselfish they really are.
Explore other cultures. You might have complaints about the United States, but you can't deny that our children have it much better here than they do anywhere else. By watching videos and learning about Third World nations and other regions that don't have what we have, your children will feel compassionate towards them and they'll also feel lucky about the things they do have. They might even ask if they can help people in other countries by sending their toys or some food to them. If that happens, don't stifle them. Find age-appropriate ways that they can help and encourage them to do so.
Turn the channel. Today's children are inundated with killing, blood and overall meanness on television. Primetime shows are filled with forensic investigators studying the latest blue corpse and people beating on each other. And if there isn't any physical violence, people are mocking each other and doing their best to make others look bad. This is the farthest thing from compassion as you can get. But there are some very wholesome television programs on that are great for instilling a sense of compassion into your children. Make a conscious effort to find the TV shows where people are helping other people instead of ridiculing them. The same is true with video games. Get rid of the ones that focus on killing others, especially when your children are too young for that.

Small children have an inborn sense of compassion. Whether or not they express it correctly is up to you. As a father, children typically look to you for many of their traits and characteristics. The more compassion you show toward others, the more your child will show towards the people they encounter. Without the ability to feel or show compassion, your child could grow up to have severe problems in their social life and relationship skills for the rest of their life.

Raising Kids of Strong Character: Gratitude

tony — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 13:19:29 -0700

Have you ever given your child a gift only to have them respond with something like, "Is this it?" or "Where's the rest of it?" If so, you probably felt embarrassed for a second. But then you probably got mad at your child for their lack of manners and their lack of thankfulness. You're lucky if this has happened in the privacy of your own home. Many parents have turned seven shades of red after witnessing their child say similar things to family members and friends when given a small gift. There are ways that you can prevent this from happening and make your child more thankful when somebody gives them a gift. Here are some tips to help your child appreciate "the thought" instead of focusing on gifts.

Show your thankfulness for them. Many children feel like people owe them big presents just because they were born. But you can change this attitude by being grateful for them and showing it. Lots of hugs and caring is one way to show them that you're thankful for them. You can also tell them that you're thankful for them. It only takes a second to say, "I'm so glad you're my son," but it can work wonders for changing their ungrateful attitude into a more positive one.
Be a thankful role model. As with any character trait, children learn best by watching their dad. That's why it's so important that you be a thankful person yourself. Whenever somebody gives you a gift, be grateful for it in a genuine way. That way, when somebody gives your child a gift, they will mimic your behavior. Many nursery school workers won't tell children to say things like "please" and "thank you." Instead, they teach them to say it by modeling the behavior themselves. Children are more likely to learn good manners when they see respected adults apply good manners. They are less likely to exhibit good manners just because somebody told them to.
Respect a child's impulses. If your child hasn't asked you why the person behind you in line at the supermarket is so fat, count your blessings. Children, especially the smaller ones, have a tendency to say exactly what's on their mind. They have no social skills whatsoever in that regard. So if they get a gift they don't like, don't be surprised to hear them say, "I hate this gift!" Rather than punishing your child for this (which could serve to reinforce the behavior because negative behavior only reinforces negative behaviors), simply apologize to the gift giver and thank them for the gift yourself. When the gift giver leaves, you can explain to your child that they should say "Thank you" regardless of what the gift is, even if they hate it. Teach them that it's the thought that counts and not the actual gift.
Be thankful the entire year. Many families take only one day out of the year to be thankful for everything they have. But Thanksgiving isn't the only day we should be grateful. Some families go around the table every Sunday afternoon before eating lunch to name something that each person is thankful for. This is a consistent ritual that ingrains a sense of gratitude into your children. It's great for your own attitude, too.
Teach giving. One of the best ways to be thankful for what you have is to give something to somebody else. When mom's birthday comes around, take your son or daughter out and let them pick out the gift. If they're old enough, let them help you wrap it and even write in the card. Do this for other gift-giving holidays as well. When it comes time for mom to open the present, your child will be so excited they might even forget their own gift.
Serve those less fortunate. When you teach your child about the blessings they have in life as compared to other less fortunate families, they'll feel grateful for what they have. You can do this by encouraging them to donate some of their toys to orphanages or shelters. You can also visit the children's hospital with your son or daughter and to cheer up some of the patients. This is not only a great way to create a thankful attitude for you and your child, it's also a very humbling experience.
Delegate responsibility to your child. When your child is responsible for something, they'll appreciate them more. For instance, let them choose their outfits for school each day. It seems like such a minor detail, but they'll feel thankful that they can have at least a little bit of say in what happens in their lives. If that becomes a success, let your child decide what type of food the entire family eats on "take-out night." But if you're too worried about their decision, give them a few options to choose from. It might not seem like much to you, but your child will be so grateful that you're entrusting them with more responsibility.

Although it might sound like a corny cliché, having an "attitude of gratitude" is essential for growing up to be a well-developed adult. But children can't learn this trait on their own. As a dad, it's your job to demonstrate gratitude and thankfulness for your child. By following the mentioned suggestions, you can have a child that is grateful for everything they have in life. After all, who wants to be the parent of an ungrateful brat?

Raising Kids of Strong Character: Generosity

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:08:00 -0700

Martin Luther King, Jesus Christ, Gandhi, Mother Theresa, and Nelson Mandela. These are some of our greatest heroes-not because they are smart, powerful, successful, interesting, or funny-but because they embody selflessness and generosity. Our society values generosity over all other traits, and, as parents, it should be one of our greatest goals. Can we teach certain lessons that ensure our kids will have a profound impact on world hunger? Of course not. But without a doubt we can work with our kids to develop a sense of generosity and kindness that will help them feel good about themselves, have fulfilling interpersonal relationships, and improve the communities in which they live and the lives they touch.

Develop empathy. Empathy is the ability to recognize other people's emotions, needs, and feelings. Developing empathy allows your child to recognize that others might want or need something and allows them to feel good about being generous because they can understand how their generosity is helping. Teach your child empathy by asking how other people-or even fictional characters or animals-might feel. For example, "How do you think it made the kitty feel when you put her in the dryer?"
Encourage sharing. Your daughter has been driving around in her new Barbie Power Wheels. Whenever her playmate asks for a chance to drive, your daughter replies, "Get your own ride," and hits the pedal to the plastic. Step in when this occurs. Sit her down and tell her the importance of sharing. Explain that without sharing she is going to lose playmates. Ask her why she doesn't want to share. Try to get her to think about how her playmate feels. If she decides to share, give her lots of praise.
Start charity and volunteer work early. There are many opportunities for volunteer work that are fun for the whole family. Kids may enjoy cleaning up local parks or helping out at the animal shelter. Many parents also find that they can get their kids excited about saving for charity. Let your kids pick the charity and then keep a container in the house where they can drop in spare change or part of their allowance. When the container is full, send the money to the charity and imagine together how the donations might be used.
Teach kindness. Explain that generosity isn't just about giving time or money. It's also about performing kind acts in everyday life. Encourage your kids to perform random acts of kindness by giving them an occasional kindness task. For example, suggest that your kids tell one person during the day why they like them. Or propose that they talk or play with a kid who isn't popular. Teach your kids that they can be emotionally generous and make people feel great, without giving a penny.
Be your own hero. What is the best thing about being generous? It helps us! That's right, being generous is really in our own self-interest because it helps us make friends and feel good about ourselves. Help your child realize this by talking about how he feels after he helps a neighbor rake her yard. Or talk about how he feels after he yells at his brother. Does yelling or being kind feel better? Does raking the neighbor's leaves outweigh the pain of giving up an hour of TV time? Emphasize that we can control what we feel like on the inside by making choices we are proud of every day.
Practice what you preach. Of course the best way to teach our kids generosity is to show them what a kind and generous person looks a like (and that does not mean showing them photographs). Pay the toll for the person behind you in line. Encourage your family to donate money on your behalf rather than giving you Christmas presents. Volunteer for charitable causes. Give support to a neighbor or colleague in need. You are the best inspiration for your kids.

By starting early, emphasizing the importance of giving, teaching ways to make a difference, and showing how great it feels, you can help your children focus on becoming caring, kind, and generous people. There is no greater gift you can give your kids than a deep sense of generosity, which will ensure they have happy and fulfilling lives.

Raising Kids of Strong Character: Patience

tony — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:42:20 -0700

You are trying to finish up an important business call and your son, with tears flowing down his face, is shrieking, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! APPPPLLLLEE JUUUICCCE NNNOOOWWW!!!!!!!" at the top of his lungs. In moments like these fathers often begin thinking the only successful parenting techniques must involve duct tape. But don't despair. Parents can and should teach their kids to be patient. This will not only benefit your sanity but will also benefit your child: patience improves kids' problem-solving abilities, performance in school, and interpersonal relationships. With the following tips you can develop your child's patience, a virtue that will help your kid navigate life and will help you navigate fatherhood.

Be a role model. Unfortunately, everyone knows that kids learn from their parents. So you aren't going to fool anyone when your daughter's kindergarten teacher reports that she has been running around on the playground screaming, "Learn how to drive, moron!" If you want to teach your kids patience, you also have to learn to keep cool yourself.
Explain the elements of patience. Patience, much like sharing, is a higher-order skill that requires both empathy and self-control. Make your child aware that other people have needs, and stress that those needs must be respected, even though it can be challenging. For example, try saying, "I know you want to tell Mommy about your new toy right now, but she is on the phone. Even though it makes you sad to have to wait, it makes her happy to finish her phone call. I know it's hard, but we want to make Mommy happy. So we have to wait patiently until she gets off."
Give definite goals. Both kids and adults struggle if they have to wait patiently for an indefinite amount of time. A child of any age will get frustrated with statements like, "We will go in a little while." Without a set time, your kid must exercise indefinite patience. This is unrealistic for a young child, so you'll likely end up hearing screaming, seeing tears, or dodging wooden block missiles. Instead try saying, "We will go to the park in 15 minutes." By having that definite time limit, your kid can watch the clock, practice self-control, and receive feedback on how he is progressing towards his goal.
Teach techniques. Teach your kids techniques for staying patient. Many kids can exercise patience if they have a timer or clock to track their progress. If you are driving in the car or waiting in line at the store, try to develop games, like counting backwards or spotting items that start with each letter of the alphabet. Sometimes you can help your kids stay patient just by acknowledging that patience is a challenge: "I know it's hard to drive in the car for so long, and I know you really want to get out. You are doing a great job, and we will get there in 15 minutes."
Explain how to get your attention. Kids will want and need your attention. Teach them acceptable ways to get it, like raising their hands or touching your arm. Show your kids that when they use the proper methods they get a quick response. If your son touches your arm to get your attention, make eye contract or touch his arm to acknowledge that you recognize he wants something. Then make an effort to give him your attention as quickly as possible. A fast response will demonstrate that waiting patiently really does work best.
Reward good behavior. Give positive feedback for patience by giving your kids the attention they want and praising them. Conversely, don't reward bad behavior. Many parents fall into a trap. Their kid starts screaming to get their attention, so the parents say, "No yelling. Be patient." But then they immediately attend to the little shrieker's needs. If your daughter tries to get your attention inappropriately while you are on the phone, explain, "It's not ok to get Daddy's attention with the Fists of Fury." Remind her of the proper way and then continue your call. If she keeps interrupting, you might have to warn her or give her a time out. But as soon as she uses the proper methods, respond quickly and praise her for her good behavior.
Be confident. Many parents have trouble teaching patience because they feel bad disappointing their kids. When you require patience from your children, you force them to wait for something they want, which means you are disappointing them. Some parents aren't comfortable disappointing their kids, but it is part of the learning process. Clearly children often demand immediate attention (for example, attempting to play with a hot stove or going to the bathroom). But rest assured that if you need to make dinner, and you ask your child to patiently wait for 10 minutes, you are not being a mean parent. Rather, you are helping your child with an important aspect of development.

You can teach your child greater patience. But remember, even though you can get your kid to behave better in many situations, kids are kids, so have reasonable expectations. No matter how much you work on patience, your four-year-old won't sit through a six-course dinner or a three-hour opera. But if you push for gradual improvement, explain why it's important, give them the tools, and reward good behavior, your kids will learn to be patient, which will help them--and you--immensely!