Fatherhood Stuff

Daddy's house as a sanctuary.

jmishak — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 04:08:48 -0700

My toddler (2 1/2) lives primarily with his Mother, half-brother and the boyfriend and his two kids. Life is chaotic for him there so when he comes to my house he seems to just want to rest and enjoy the quiet. When we do play we play until we sweat and fall down, but more recently all he wants to do is watch his Sponge Bob dvd and sit on the couch.

How do I say no? At mom's he fights for attention and the harrassment of three older boys (ages 7-9). I feel like he deserves the peace and quiet and to think of daddy's house as HIS house, so....I am at a loss. I do not want to force him to play when he does not want to, but I am also concerned of the ever growing addiction to dvd's.

Help.

Anyone got any experience with work from home opprotunities?

porkchopexpress — Thu, 28 May 2009 12:27:06 -0700

Hey all,
This is a general shout out to see if anyone has any experience with working from home opportunities. I know the major ones to avoid are the ones where you have to deposit money into your account and then pay back out, building things that really seem to have no purpose that requires you to purchase a "starter kit", or any opportunity that promises an exorbitant salary with minimal amount of work. But some of the ones out there seem actually legit.
My wife received a flyer for a opportunity with her care gift from the hospital. Its for medical transcription I believe. Judging by the flyer it looked fairly ledgit so my wife checked into it. Basically using a home computer and internet connection bills are entered for different medical practices such as doctor’s offices and dentists. Commissioned based obviously and if you know how to type and work 40 hrs a week a 40k salary is achievable. Sounds great right? Then we find out that there is a $1,200.00 fee for the necessary training to do this and a big warning siren went off in my head. Now I am all for getting certifications and what not, but I don't want to get roped into spending that kind of money on something that will produce no fruit.
So does anyone out there know of a work from home program that is working out well for them?
Anyone know of a good resource that we can research these opportunities?
Or is there a good resource to inform us of which ones to avoid?

When your children are in the hospital

Toby — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:43:45 -0800

Greetings dads,
We are an active family and do not slow down in the winter: hockey, skiing, sledding, but we recently dodged a bullet.
Two Thursdays ago, my six year old daughter got a bit out of control skiing a hit a tree - thank God she was wearing her helmet.
I drove to the hospital from work to find her crying on a back board with a brace around her neck, a broken clavicle asking me to take her home. We knew from the Cat scan that there were some long-term issues and she would be off to Children's Hospital in Boston. My wife spent Thursday with her, I took over Friday, Sarah returned for Saturday, and Lily came home on Sunday. The care at Children's could not have been better: from the nurses, the Dr.'s, anyone who had contact with Lily was fantastic. We are so happy to have her home: she is up and about and back to school for some 1/2 days. I have been reflecting since and thinking how close we came - thank God she was wearing her helmet!
Enjoy every day and have fun with your kids; don't forget how important they are to you.
Very Best,
Toby

any tips for me?

compostdad — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 19:25:23 -0800

Hey we're expecting another little boy in April. We are the very
proud parents of a two year old boy so we're all kinds of excited to be
honest.

That being said, what's a couple tips that you wish someone would've told you when your second kid arrived??

thanks - Jared

Discussions of life and death with a 5 year old

CharliePATpk — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 10:51:57 -0800

One of the benefits to cyber schooling is having the opportunity to be directly involved in a child's education. Indeed, in the younger grades, it is essential to be the teacher (small 't') whereas the Teacher is a person whom the student converses with online, by phone, and at sees at the monthly field trips.

Our kindergartner has taken very well to the cyber classes, and my much-better-half has the dominant role as teacher, with me filling in as needed. Last week the 5 year old asked me to help him with his science class (note: to the best of my memory, I didn't have Science in kindergarten. In fact, short of snack time and frying pumpkin seeds in oil, I have no recollection of kindergarten). We read the book Things that are alive, things that are not (the title may be incorrect; will update if I am wrong), which was helping kids understand that inanimate objects aren't alive, and so forth.

One page of the book described if you walk in the park and see a bird lying on the ground, not moving, and not doing anything a bird usually does, it's dead. Obviously, the author needed a good example of a dead animal, but never considered the amount of road-kill seen on rural roads. That said, the drawing of a bird lying on its back on a field of green elicited a case of the giggles from my son. But, remember, he is 5.

A few days later, however, this topic apparently began to ferment in his head. Daddy, why is it that dogs and cats can get old and die, but people can't? Ohhhhh-kay. He's beginning to piece things together, albeit with a few holes. I explained to him simply that people can die just like dogs and cats, and in fact anything alive can die. He seemed satisfied with this, and then changed the subject to what was on TV. I later learned that he asked my much-better-half if birds could die could our cat die, too? So the progression was logical.

A day later he asked me if people can die when they get old, how come Pop is still alive? Wow, now he's shoving my father into the ground!! Won't Pop be pleased??

I know this type of discussion hadn't come up when our 13 year old was a similar age, but then he had the mixed blessing of experiencing the passing of my much-better-half's parents over a few short years (and he didn't start cyber school until the 2nd grade, if that matters). I reassured our youngest that while Pop was old, there's no reason to think that he's going to die tomorrow, which again satisfied him (at least for then and there). My father is 78, and in overall good health, so there's no reason to think he's going anytime soon, but statistically speaking, he's entering the home stretch (the SSA predicts he's got another 9 years or so).

Since my youngest has accepted that people can (and do) die, I am going to wait for another question before I approach the topic further. He's exhibited a healthy level of inquisitiveness for this topic, I think, and isn't apparently bothered by the topic. My father has 2 older brothers still living (and 2 younger sisters, the husband of one sadly is struggling with cancer), so it a stretch to imagine that a funeral may be in the cards over the next few years (believe me: I have no wish to hurry such an event). So sooner or later, this will be discussed again.

In the meantime, I await the next question to come to mind of my youngest. It is more than a little interesting to witness the thought process taking shape in his young mind.

Originally posted at Nobody asked me, but....

Terrible Twos

MJR — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 06:12:35 -0700

I am the Father of two beautiful girls. This is a job I take pretty
seriously. My oldest is 4½ and my youngest is 2½ (will be three in
January) and my wife and I are happily married. I am writing for help
with regard to my younger daughter. It feels like she has been going
through the “terrible twos” for 2½ years. She is a very bright little
girl, but she is also a toughie. This is in contrast to her older
sister who is the ultimate pleaser. Her goal in life is to make
everyone happy.

My youngest has never really ever liked to be cuddled and lately
somehow I have become public enemy number one. She defiantly will not
wear any of the clothes my wife selects for her (preferring to wear
shorts 24/7) and barks orders at my wife all day long. At times I
cannot even offer her her bottle, take her up to bed or change her
diaper – everything needs to be done by Mommy. This can get on your
nerves after a while. She plays well with her sister, but it inevitably
ends up with her bullying her in one way or another. I have seen her
rip the new pajamas off my older daughter so she can wear them.
Recently when my wife takes her to swim class or a party she will not
leave her arms and participate in any of the functions. Alfter a long
bit of coaching she will participate but at that stage we are all ready
to give up. My wife is home with the girls all day so she faces this
problem with more frequency than I do. When I come home from work
lately it all depends on the mood my little angel is in. When it is me
alone with her we have some good times, but lately more time is spend
with me giving her time outs (putting her in her crib to cry for a
little while). This has caused tremendous stress at home these days. I
feel like I have no relationship with this little girl because of all
of the flare-ups.

I know all of this can be chalked up to the “terrible twos” but is
there anything that I can do to remedy the situation. I want her to
know she is as loved as her sister but rarely does this headstrong
little girls let down her guard long enough to let us prove it. I want
her to be strong and independent, but I also do not want to raise a
bully. She needs to learn to listen to us and let us be the parents.
What can I do as a Dad to make the situation better? I am willing to
listen to any and all suggestions.

Thanks,

MJR

Third baby on the way and need car advice

applestoapples — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:23:39 -0700

Ok, so my wife and I always joked we were destined to have an oops
baby. Although we took precautions to try and control when or if the
third would arrive, they always stress nothing is 100% preventative
like abstinence (and that ain't happening). So here we are, due with #3
in May/June and our smallish house just got a little smaller and our
two cars just became a little less roomy. I'm looking for advice on
what you would recommend given the following circumstances.

2003 manual Dodge Neon my wife hasn't learned to drive
2005 automatic Ford Escape
4-yr old, still need car seat - booster not an option until he grows more
2-yr old, still needs car seat

I thinking we should replace one of the two with a minivan, but
which one? The neon is great on gas and for short trips but we haven't
found time with kid 1 and kid 2 to teach her to drive it. The Escape is
nice because it's got a little more room and no learning curve for her
to drive it. Both are in really good shape with low miles. Luckily we
can commute together most days so one new-to-us vehicle should be ok.

Any recommendations on minivans? I'm a consumer reports reader and
am thinking about a pre-owned Honda or Toyota. What features are
important and which can we live without?

Parenting Politics

sciguy75 — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 21:02:53 -0700

The other day I was with a group of parents talking about the endless possibilities of our children. We shared our hopes and fears and the mutual understanding that we would be happy and supportive no matter which path our children take in life. Then one women said under her breath "As long as he doesn't become a Republican."

I, a registered Democrat, was quite upset by this statement. I felt as if this women's child had lost some of his free will, that a decision had already been made, a mindset had already been made up.

Freedom of thought is what makes this country great, yet the freedom of our children's thoughts are greatly influenced by the adults in their lives. How do we, as parents, teach our children to be independent political thinkers, when they see us, as role models, express our political opinions? Is it a responsible act to have our children follow the same political schools of thought as we do, or is it robbing our children of their right to think freely? Ultimately, the best strategy would be to carefully present facts and ask impartial questions in an effort that our children gain their own opinions on politics, but how honestly can we do this if our opinions are leaning to the right or left?

I heard from an Obama-supporting mother that a women accosted her in the street regarding the fact that her 10-year-old daughter was wearing an Obama t-shirt. The women said something to the effect of "How can you make her wear that?" The mother quickly informed the woman that it was her daughter's decision to buy and wear the shirt.

What's a parent and political activist to do?

The Economics of Fatherhood

s2art — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 10:03:57 -0700

Hey guys:

I'm curious to see how other other family-focused dads are managing to deliver both time and income to their families. Given that "the money issue" underlies everything from marriage/relationships, to how much time you spend with the kids, to what kind of opportunities you can afford them, how have you and your partner/spouse structured your jobs/careers? What are your plans for the future? Has anyone figured out ways to "have it all" with both a great family life and a great career? Are there barriers and obstacles you face in putting your family on a sound economic footing?

Whenever I talk to other dads about the topic, it's like the 800 lb gorilla, affecting everything but rarely getting discussed. Maybe we can change that?

Solo Air Travel with Toddler

Hockeyfan — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 14:45:30 -0700

Hi,

I am new to this site. It's very helpful! I am traveling by plane next week solo with my 1.5 year old toddler boy. For those who live in Canada we are flying with a charter called Sunwing. The flight is quite long at 5 1/2 hours so I am nervous about how he will make out. This will be his first flight. He will have his own seat and I am organized with the packing with new toys, books, games, a DVD player, snacks, extra diapers, wipes, etc. My big question is how do you go about changing diapers on a plane? Given the flights are long and in the morning I am sure I will be dealing with a messy # 2. Are there changing tables in the washrooms normally? If not, what have other parents done? I would appreciate any candid advise! Thanks! Also, what kind of changing facilities are in the airport?