All ages

Freaky Fortnight: Credit where it's due

tony — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 08:12:37 -0700

by Phil Stott

So last Friday saw one of the best things I've read about parenting recently come to a close: Slate's Freaky Fortnight feature. The basic premise of the feature was that a Slate editor, Michael Agger, would switch roles with his wife, Susan Burton, for two weeks. In short, she would do his job while he stayed home in Brooklyn and took care of the kids. Both then blogged about the experience, and also put regular updates on Twitter.

Of the two, it's perhaps not surprising that I enjoyed Agger's posts more-mostly because I found them informative in many ways on the whole question of being a Dad who works. Over the course of the two weeks, he covered a whole range of issues, but I was hooked when he began his first post with the following quote: "My oldest son is 4, so it's a little early to tell how much fatherhood has changed me, but I have noticed two things. I stopped moping. (There's not enough time.) And I really, really love the office." It's hard not to get hooked, I suppose, when someone is willing to be so honest about their experiences-and doubly so when the words he's writing put my own thoughts into words.

Actually, that's what I most enjoyed about the two weeks of blog postings: the fact that both writers-but Agger in particular-seemed to keep putting my thoughts on the parenting thing into words. As a writer, I'll put my hand up and say that it's kind of humiliating to be beaten to so many punches, but I've always believed that the best thing to do when you find someone who does something better than you is to pass it on to others. (Plus, I'm consoling myself with the thought that because they only had a two-week assignment-and a fairly intense experience to base their writing on-they're mining a rich vein that gets harder to sustain the longer you write about it.)

Anyway, in that spirit, here are a couple of my favorite observations from Agger's posts over the two weeks. Each of them struck me as having distilled a basic truth about the art of being a Dad in this day and age.

When considering how his priorities have changed since becoming a parent, Agger commented on how his attitude towards work has shifted. Gone are the concerns over fulfillment, or ladder climbing. Instead, he comments that "now the job thing has simplified: gotta feed the family." As someone who only began looking for a regular 9 to 5 job when my wife got pregnant, I can well understand the truth in that statement. (And, on an inter-generational, universal sort of note, my own father also claims that he went to work every day with the attitude that he could quit any time he liked: something that lasted until my brother was born. At that point, he says, "I realized that it wasn't only me who would suffer if I lost a job.")

As the experiment wore on, Agger came to realize that he didn't really know his youngest child. Not in terms of personality, but in the rhythms of his days, the simple things you miss out on when you spend between 8 and 12 hours a day outside of the home. Thus, when he took his kids to a park, he found himself over-parenting to compensation, prompting the following observation: The "stay-at-home thing requires a different pace. I had to remind myself that I did not have to pay attention to Will all the time. I would have to slow down and be less of a spaz." What mostly-weekends-through-necessity Dad can't resonate with that?

For brutal honesty (and because I felt more than a pang of guilty recognition), I also love the following quote: "I do my share of dealing with the kids in the morning, but I don't have that internal monitor that Susan has. The kids aren't always on my mind. They are always on Susan's mind."

And, just because I've read reams of advice on being a writer-none of which is much use when it comes to facing a blank screen-I loved the following quote: "Giving parenting advice is a lot like giving writing advice. You can say a lot of things that sound very intelligent and thoughtful, but when it comes down to the actual act, it's mostly intuition and the inescapable fact of who you are." In fact, I like that so much that I may just write it down and keep it somewhere.

Apologies to both Slate and Michael Agger for basically stealing your work for this post, but as I said before, I'm a big believer in giving credit where it's due. (Burton is also due a whole bunch, but my appreciation for her has to be limited to silent applause given her lack of dad-ness!) And, just to prove that I'm not some mere plagiarist, here's the link one more time. Click it-I promise you'll find something you like.

(Image: Slate.com)

Having Kids vs. Overpopulation

Philmundo — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 09:50:23 -0700

by Phil Stott

I had the great fortune to be able to attend the World Business Forum at Radio City Music Hall recently, and to hear speakers like President Bill Clinton, George Lucas (yup, that one), management guru Gary Hamel, and Nobel prize-winning economist Paul Krugman all giving their views on where they think we're headed in coming years.

While I could have listened to Clinton speak all day-and on any subject-the speaker who gave me most pause for thought was a guy called Jeffrey Sachs. Another economist-he advises President Obama, as it happens-he gave a speech titled "Economics for a Crowded Planet" that really struck a chord with me.

Part of the reason Sachs' speech stood for me was because he was one of the few presenters at the conference who seemed unable to find any sort of silver lining to the challenges we're facing as a society. He wasn't exactly predicting doom and disaster, but his core point was that we're all going to have to get used to getting by with a lot less in future-the reason being that there are an ever-increasing number of people on this planet, and all using more resources than ever before. And, given that we're already using more resources than the planet can sustain, something's going to have to change.

One of the key points in Sachs' speech was that the current rate of population growth on the planet is unsustainable. We've grown from around 6 billion at the turn of the millennium to an estimated 6.8 billion today, and current projections have us surpassing the 9 billion mark sometime in the 2050's. (By contrast, Wikipedia puts the global population in 1900 at a scant 1.65 billion.) What's most frightening about those figures is that Sachs estimates the planet can only sustain 8 billion-meaning we'll be at crisis point before most of our kids are in their 40s.

As parents, one of our most basic hopes is that our kids grow up to lead better lives-and in a better world-than we did. Now I'm not complaining; I've had a pretty good life thus far, and lived it in a reasonably stable and peaceful world. My real concern is that, with all the problems that a population crunch is likely to bring with it (forget wars over oil, fresh water could become a reason for conflict) the world my kids will inherit is likely to be much less stable, and much more crowded. And obviously, as someone who's brought one child into this world-and is awaiting the arrival of a second in February-I'm part of the problem.

Therein lies the root of a question that I just can't seem to get a handle on, no matter how hard I try. If, as Sachs claims, population needs to be capped at around 8 billion, how do we go about achieving that? The practical answer is to promote family planning around the world, but the much larger philosophical questions remain: In a world where controlling population is a must, is it possible to make a decision about who does and doesn't get to have kids, or how many they can have? If it is, how do we make that decision? And, knowing all of that, should we be having children at all.

That last question seems to me to be the key to everything. I was aware of the overpopulation debate before having a child, but I went ahead and did it anyway-and it's been the best thing I've ever done. For me-or anyone else in my position-to then turn around and tell someone else they can't enjoy the same rights would be a classic case of "do as I say, not as I do."

So there's the issue: as parents, we're directly responsible for contributing to the overcrowding of the planet. Sure, you might not be having 12 kids to help you eke out a living in an economic backwater, but numbers are numbers, and even your one or two offspring add up. How, then, do we reconcile that with the need to keep the planet liveable for the future generations we're so busy creating?

A Question of Accent

Philmundo — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 11:37:36 -0700

by Phil Stott

Is it superficial to want to move because I don't like the accent where I live now? Or, more specifically, because I don't want my children to grow up with Long Island accents?

Up until recently, this question isn't one I'd entertained in any meaningful way. My wife and I have had conversations where she's confessed that she'd like to raise our kids in Scotland (my home country), so they'll grow up with "cute" accents. That argument's never had a lot of sway with me, though; the thing about accents is that their beauty (or cuteness) is entirely in the ear of the beholder. When you've heard as many Scottish tongues as I have (and the insane amount of variation on the accent-it literally changes every 30 miles as you go around the country), the "cuteness" of it soon wears off. Plus, if you then live anywhere else, you have to have "the conversation" at least once a week with a complete stranger who's taken aback by your accent-and who usually starts said conversation by asking if you're from Ireland or Australia.

Another reason that I haven't thought much of the question, I suppose, is that Maeve has only recently begun stringing basic sentences together, and she's always just sounded more or less like a baby to me, with no discernible accent. Along with that, I'd always sort of assumed that she'd adopt a sort of amalgam of my wife's Wisconsin twang, some of my pronunciations (I've already got her locked in on "to-mah-to") and the local variation, resulting in something "American" but not overly regional.

Over the last few weeks, though, I've begun to notice a disturbing trend. There are signs-just occasional words here and there-that she's becoming a fully-fledged Long Islander.* Just this morning as I was getting out of the car to board my commuter train into the city, she pointed out of the window and said "many cars." Only, that wasn't quite it. What she actually said sounded more like "many caw-ers." My initial reaction was to assume that she'd choked halfway through, so I asked her to say it again only to be met once again with "many caw-ers." I'm still shuddering now as I think about it. How far away can the moment be where she points to my mug and correctly identifies "Daddy's caw-fee," or the "cute daw-gee" at the neighbor's house?

Now, obviously growing up somewhere with a bad accent isn't the end of world. After all, I grew up in a town which boasts one of the worst accents in Scotland, yet I display very few signs of it-largely thanks to my parents insisting that I didn't lapse into it as I was growing up. And I do realize how elitist and snobbish all this sounds, but there's proof out there that bad accents can hurt your hiring and promotion chances. Who'd want to handicap their kid like that if they could possibly avoid it?

Anyway, I do take some comfort from the fact that I'm not alone in all this. In addition to all the other incomers with kids I've talked to here, I also know a couple of native Long Islanders who despair at the thought of their children growing up mangling their vowels, and becoming the person you can hear all over the Island bellowing "oh MY Gawd" into their cellphones.

I'm also aware that it's not just Long Island: I met a guy a few weeks ago who confided that he left Texas and moved to Colorado in the 1980s in large part because his now-adult daughter would count by saying "one...two...three...four...faaiive." So what do you think? Is this just too superficial for words, or do I have a point here? And-perhaps more to the point-if I do decide to move, where else should I avoid for terrible accents?

*Disclaimer: there are a lot of things that I like about Long Island-especially the scenery the further East you go-but believe me when I tell you that The Daily Show's Samantha Bee didn't have to work too hard to find the guys in the bar in this clip.

Longer School Day

Toby — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 04:15:22 -0700

More school: Obama would curtail summer vacation - From Yahoo News

By LIBBY QUAID, AP Education Writer Libby Quaid, Ap Education Writer – Sun Sep 27, 3:29 pm ET

WASHINGTON – Students beware: The summer vacation you just enjoyed could be sharply curtailed if President Barack Obama gets his way.

Obama says American kids spend too little time in school, putting them at a disadvantage with other students around the globe.

"Now, I know longer school days and school years are not wildly popular ideas," the president said earlier this year. "Not with Malia and Sasha, not in my family, and probably not in yours. But the challenges of a new century demand more time in the classroom."

The president, who has a sixth-grader and a third-grader, wants schools to add time to classes, to stay open late and to let kids in on weekends so they have a safe place to go.

"Our school calendar is based upon the agrarian economy and not too many of our kids are working the fields today," Education Secretary Arne Duncan said in a recent interview with The Associated Press.

Fifth-grader Nakany Camara is of two minds. She likes the four-week summer program at her school, Brookhaven Elementary School in Rockville, Md. Nakany enjoys seeing her friends there and thinks summer school helped boost her grades from two Cs to the honor roll.

But she doesn't want a longer school day. "I would walk straight out the door," she said.

Domonique Toombs felt the same way when she learned she would stay for an extra three hours each day in sixth grade at Boston's Clarence R. Edwards Middle School.

"I was like, `Wow, are you serious?'" she said. "That's three more hours I won't be able to chill with my friends after school."

Her school is part of a 3-year-old state initiative to add 300 hours of school time in nearly two dozen schools. Early results are positive. Even reluctant Domonique, who just started ninth grade, feels differently now. "I've learned a lot," she said.

Does Obama want every kid to do these things? School until dinnertime? Summer school? And what about the idea that kids today are overscheduled and need more time to play?

___

Obama and Duncan say kids in the United States need more school because kids in other nations have more school.

"Young people in other countries are going to school 25, 30 percent longer than our students here," Duncan told the AP. "I want to just level the playing field."

While it is true that kids in many other countries have more school days, it's not true they all spend more time in school.

Kids in the U.S. spend more hours in school (1,146 instructional hours per year) than do kids in the Asian countries that persistently outscore the U.S. on math and science tests — Singapore (903), Taiwan (1,050), Japan (1,005) and Hong Kong (1,013). That is despite the fact that Taiwan, Japan and Hong Kong have longer school years (190 to 201 days) than does the U.S. (180 days).

___

Regardless, there is a strong case for adding time to the school day.

Researcher Tom Loveless of the Brookings Institution looked at math scores in countries that added math instruction time. Scores rose significantly, especially in countries that added minutes to the day, rather than days to the year.

"Ten minutes sounds trivial to a school day, but don't forget, these math periods in the U.S. average 45 minutes," Loveless said. "Percentage-wise, that's a pretty healthy increase."

In the U.S., there are many examples of gains when time is added to the school day.

Charter schools are known for having longer school days or weeks or years. For example, kids in the KIPP network of 82 charter schools across the country go to school from 7:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., more than three hours longer than the typical day. They go to school every other Saturday and for three weeks in the summer. KIPP eighth-grade classes exceed their school district averages on state tests.

In Massachusetts' expanded learning time initiative, early results indicate that kids in some schools do better on state tests than do kids at regular public schools. The extra time, which schools can add as hours or days, is for three things: core academics — kids struggling in English, for example, get an extra English class; more time for teachers; and enrichment time for kids.

Regular public schools are adding time, too, though it is optional and not usually part of the regular school day. Their calendar is pretty much set in stone. Most states set the minimum number of school days at 180 days, though a few require 175 to 179 days.

Several schools are going year-round by shortening summer vacation and lengthening other breaks.

Many schools are going beyond the traditional summer school model, in which schools give remedial help to kids who flunked or fell behind.

Summer is a crucial time for kids, especially poorer kids, because poverty is linked to problems that interfere with learning, such as hunger and less involvement by their parents.

That makes poor children almost totally dependent on their learning experience at school, said Karl Alexander, a sociology professor at Baltimore's Johns Hopkins University, home of the National Center for Summer Learning.

Disadvantaged kids, on the whole, make no progress in the summer, Alexander said. Some studies suggest they actually fall back. Wealthier kids have parents who read to them, have strong language skills and go to great lengths to give them learning opportunities such as computers, summer camp, vacations, music lessons, or playing on sports teams.

"If your parents are high school dropouts with low literacy levels and reading for pleasure is not hard-wired, it's hard to be a good role model for your children, even if you really want to be," Alexander said.

Extra time is not cheap. The Massachusetts program costs an extra $1,300 per student, or 12 percent to 15 percent more than regular per-student spending, said Jennifer Davis, a founder of the program. It received more than $17.5 million from the state Legislature last year.

The Montgomery County, Md., summer program, which includes Brookhaven, received $1.6 million in federal stimulus dollars to operate this year and next, but it runs for only 20 days.

Aside from improving academic performance, Education Secretary Duncan has a vision of schools as the heart of the community. Duncan, who was Chicago's schools chief, grew up studying alongside poor kids on the city's South Side as part of the tutoring program his mother still runs.

"Those hours from 3 o'clock to 7 o'clock are times of high anxiety for parents," Duncan said. "They want their children safe. Families are working one and two and three jobs now to make ends meet and to keep food on the table."

___

Associated Press writer Russell Contreras in Boston contributed to this report.

Too Much Information

Philmundo — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 08:50:28 -0700

by Phil Stott

The big news out here on Long Island this week has been of an alleged gang rape of a girl on the campus of Hofstra University that turned out to be a lie. Four guys were paraded in front of the media, their lives and reputations (not to mention those of their families) held up to scrutiny and judgment because of a lie told by one college student. Not 24 hours after the initial story broke-with news crews camped out on campus, and mug shots of the men concerned plastered across newspapers, computers and TV screens-it was over, with police now said to be considering bringing charges against the girl for wasting their time.

It's a case that's given me pause for thought both as a general member of society, and as a parent-and mostly because of volume of information I've digested in the past week, none of which has done me a single bit of good.

Too soon
First, I'm reminded once again of the double standard in the justice system: four innocent men have had their reputations seriously tarnished by one false accusation, from a "victim" whose identity we may never know. In the day and age we're living in, where information can get passed around at unprecedented speed, and where even our politicians have realized that telling a lie often enough can get people to start believing it, I can't believe that information like that is getting out, only for the guys to be cleared of all charges less than a day later. The key to uncovering the truth, apparently, was that police told the girl there was video footage of the incident: they couldn't have tried that before subjecting four innocent guys to a media perp walk?

Too early
Watching a news bulletin on the case before going to work on the day it fell apart (9/17), my immediate instinct was to cover my daughter's ears-and she's not even two, way too young to understand anything about it. The reason? In less than a minute-and with no warning of the graphic details to come-the news station went from talking about how the four guys had been charged with gang rape to explaining that the case fell apart because the sex between the woman and the four men had been consensual, something the guys had maintained all along. All this before seven in the morning.

Now don't get me wrong: I'm no prude. I curse with the best of them and have heard and said my share of downright offensive things. But I can't for the life of me understand how something so graphic is permitted on TV at a time when children are almost certain to be around. What, so I can't hear the "f" word in case it offends someone, but it's perfectly reasonable for me to have to monitor my TV before I've finished my first cup of coffee in case I end up having to explain the horrors of the adult world to a child? You tell me which is easier: correcting a child who repeats a curse word, or having to answer the question "Daddy, what's gang rape?"

At the end of it all, I'm left wondering if I really needed to know any of that information. Or if anything good has come of any of it. And my answer to both questions is the same: probably not. But I have learned a valuable lesson that will stay with me as my kids get older: there's no such thing as a "safe" time to forget about monitoring what they might be watching.

(photo: AP Photo/Frank Eltman)

Trekaroo: Visiting NYC with Kids

tony — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 07:58:29 -0700

Next, Meryl Pearlstein, the author of Fodor’s Families: New York City with Kids Guidebook tells us Where Families Should Go in NYC when the Weather’s Bad. Check out her blog – Travel Food Notes. That’s where I found out about a new foodtruck in New York that’s selling my favorite… Cupcakes!

Next, if you’re looking for tips on traveling to NYC, Tony Chen’s got you covered with 13 Things I Learned Visiting NYC with 2 Young Kids. Tony’s a blogging dad extraordinaire at SavvyDaddy, a content-rich website and online community for dads. His mantra… my kids rock my world.

Lastly, local mommy expert Carol Cain, the fabulous woman behind her blog NYCityMama shares her Must-See New York City attractions and reviews
of various places around town with Trekaroo. I’m a rookie behind the
camera lens, but you should definitely check out her pictures at NYCityMama.

More Resources for New York City:

Next week, we’ll be heading to the Left Coast to the fine city of Los Angeles.

The Trekaroo KidsMobile is
a blog carnival with a twist. It’s designed to provide a unique
opportunity for mom and dad bloggers to be featured on Trekaroo while

1) expressing their unique point of view

2) getting a web of link exchanges.

Join us for one of our next stopovers.

Corn Dogs!

Toby — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 10:22:13 -0700

Greetings Dads,
Found this is Gourmet: http://www.gourmet.com/recipes/2000s/2009/10/corn-dogs
These look darn tasty and your kids will love them.
Cheers,
Toby

Chef Dads

7 Back-to-School Swine Flu Tips

Philmundo — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 20:54:35 -0700

by Phil Stott

It's back to school week in my house, which means my wife has been busy getting her classroom in order, while Maeve has started back at daycare. In addition to all the usual preparations, we've been making sure that we're up to date on information concerning swine flu-an ailment that the media isn't hyping as badly as it did in the Spring, but one that we're still a little concerned about, particularly as Meghan is pregnant.

In the course of gathering information, I've come across a number of suggestions for what we should be doing to be prepared, and what we need to tell our kids. I've condensed the most level-headed of them into the following list:

1)      Wash your hands. Every time I read that piece of advice I think about how painfully obvious it is, and wonder why we need to be reminded. Then I go the bathroom at work and watch as guys come in, do their business, and then leave without once approaching the sink. If they're not willing to use a bit of soap and water after handling their penis, then what chance them doing it after sneezing.* Teaching your kids to wash their hands thoroughly-and often-could be the difference between them contracting the virus and missing out on it. And even if they do get it-there's never a bad time to learn good hygiene.

2)      Use hand sanitizer. I've heard a couple of different theories on this. The first says that sanitizers like Purell can be used instead of washing your hands. The second-which I've heard from a couple of medical professionals-says that it should only be used when hand-washing isn't an easy option. Regardless, for kids, it's probably enough to find out whether it's being provided at school and, if so, if it's alcohol-based or not. For kids, alcohol-free ones are probably a better bet, given that there's a greater possibility of a trip to the emergency room if they ingest the ones with alcohol in them

3)      Sneeze into your arm, not your hand. I'm the world's worst offender on this one; any time I sneeze and there isn't a tissue within easy reach, I'm guaranteed to have to make a trip to a bathroom to rinse my hands afterward. If it happens to me on the subway, though, it's often a while before I get the opportunity, and I may well have to touch poles and door handles before the chance comes along. For kids, the CDC has been working hard on spreading this message, and has teamed up with none other than Elmo to do so. The furry red one also has a message for kids about the importance of hand washing, which can be found here.

4)      Avoid sharing. I know, it goes against everything you want your kid to learn, but an important precaution is in avoiding sharing things that are likely to pass from one child's mouth to another. Things like snacks, cups and juice boxes are at the top of the list, but even toys should be considered for those with younger kids.

5)      Talk to your kids. Explain to your kids how important it is that they tell you at the first sign of any illness. And, if they tell you, act on it. The majority of swine flu deaths among kids in the U.S. so far have been in cases where the child wasn't given the anti-viral Tamiflu. If your child is diagnosed with H1N1, insist on Tamiflu.

6)      Talk to your kids' school. Even if you're not concerned about the H1N1 virus, it's important to know what procedures your child's school has in place should there be an outbreak, so you can plan accordingly. Here in New York, there were a rash of H1N1-related school closures in spring that lasted a week or more. Try to have a plan in place to deal with such an eventuality.

7)      Don't panic. Above all else, don't get carried away. Current estimates suggest that more than 50 percent of Americans will contract swine flu this flu season, and that the vast majority of those will be absolutely fine. So don't panic, but do be prepared. Know what the symptoms are and figure out a plan for what to do if you or a member of your family comes down with ailment. Vaccinations are a good idea-as soon as they become available-as is thinking about whether or not you can take time off work if necessary, or if you've got someone who can help you out if you get laid low.

*And before anyone comments, yes, I've heard the George Carlin theory on hand-washing. But what can I say: maybe he wasn't up on the science of hygiene. Or, y'know, maybe it's just harder to raise a laugh from coliform bacteria.

Play time or family time?

Philmundo — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 08:31:47 -0700

by Phil Stott

It's August, which means that, like Brett Favre, I'm once again going through the annual ritual of trying to decide whether or not to turn out for another season playing my sport of choice: soccer (football, where I'm from). For the past couple of years, I've been turning out on Sundays for my local men's league team in Long Island, and thoroughly enjoying the experience. Not only has it given me a link to my own culture following my move to the U.S., it's also provided me with something of a social circle, not to mention a means (and a reason) for staying in a reasonable condition physically.

I've been playing the game pretty much since I was old enough to walk, save for a two-year hiatus in my teens where I developed a knee condition brought on by-you guessed it-too much soccer, and it's pretty much been one of the major loves of my life. And, even at 30, I don't quite feel like I'm past being able to offer something to any team I could turn out for. Ideally, in fact, I'd like to go on playing for as long as my body will hold out.

So why think about quitting?

There's one major reason: family. As someone whose work life takes me away from home for 12 hours every day, I barely get to spend any time during the week with my daughter as it is, and nowhere near as much with wife as I'd like either. With a new soccer season due to start any time in the next month (the league I play in isn't the most organized affair I've ever been a part of-although that's part of the fun), I realized that I'm looking at signing up for another six months of being missing almost every Sunday. For home games that means three hours (including warm-up, half-time and the inevitable half-hour wait for the referee to show up), while for away games, it's not unusual for me to be out of the house for over five hours. Given that Maeve is only awake for around 24 hours in a weekend, being gone for between any of those seems like I'm wasting opportunities to spend valuable time with my child-time that I'll never be able to get back.

As I mentioned in my last post, I'm finding that making hard decisions is the difference between being a decent parent and a great one. Quitting a game I've known and loved for almost my whole life is one of the hardest decisions I think I've come across so far. Complicating matters is a discussion I had with my wife: when I raised the prospect of quitting, she told me she thought I was nuts. Her reason: "It's the one thing you've been doing ever since we met, and you've only got a few years left where you'll be able to play any more." Sad to say, but she has a point there.

And so, once again, I'm torn. Every time I think I've reached a decision one way ("it'll be good for me to spend more time with Maeve"), a perfectly valid counter-argument springs up from somewhere ("it gives me a reason to stay fit," or "it helps me get rid of the stress I build up during the working week.")

(By the way: anyone who's been reading Savvy Daddy for any length of time may recognize this kind of agonizing-I went through exactly the same thing, and dropped the same timely Brett Favre reference, last year. It doesn't make it any easier this time around.)

Perhaps the biggest complicating factor for me is that we're expecting a second child come February. That event will almost certainly spell the end of my career on the field, meaning that I'm torn between giving it up for good in advance, or having one final hurrah.

With just a few weeks left to make a decision, I'm at a stage where I'm flip-flopping every few hours, wrapping myself up in nightmares of point and counterpoint. Soon enough, I'm sure, I'll make a decision one way or the other that I'll have to stick to. At the moment, I'm leaning towards retirement, but who knows where I'll be by the time the season kicks off. Given that I've already started trying to get in shape-just in case-I could easily change my mind. After all, it'd be a shame to waste all those miles of running...right?

Post-vacation resolutions

Philmundo — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 14:34:43 -0700

by Phil Stott

Here's a tip I just learned on vacation: if you want to get to know your kids' personalities, spend two weeks in a car with them. Having just got back from a road trip with my 20-month old daughter, I'm blown away by just how much of her own little person she's become-and mostly while I've been too busy working/commuting/doing other stuff to notice.

Crossing from New Jersey back into New York on the final day of my family road trip was something of a bittersweet moment. While part of me was ready to get back to work and the order of my day-to-day life, another part of me could have kept going in the car for weeks longer. (Admittedly, there's a little more of me to go around for all those feelings after the trip-despite packing a cooler and vowing to stop at supermarkets for fresh produce as often as possible, the lure of the fast food outlets often proved to be stronger and easier than the desire to get off the highway and find a healthier alternative.)

The part of me that wanted to stay in the car is the family-loving part of me. I learned so much about my daughter, and about how she interacts with my wife, and what she likes and dislikes, and her own little sense of humor, that I could happily have spent much more time there wrapped up in that little cocoon. And that's despite a lot of things: the kids CD's that we set to repeat one song over and over (made worthwhile when Maeve spontaneously serenaded us with three verses-who knew there was more than one?-of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" right as we were crossing back into Long Island); the challenge of finding and storing something as basic as fresh milk; the interrupted nap times that come from living out of a car; the constant schlepping of the Pack and Play from the car to a hotel room and back again.

In the end, there were several factors that have made me glad to get back to my daily life. Diet, as alluded to above, is one of them. Structure (for me, but especially for Maeve), is another. And, having not seen much more than 10 minutes of news per day and having had no internet access at all for much of the vacation, I was eager to get back to a state of feeling connected to the wider world. Whether that makes me a bad parent or not, I don't know; all I do know is that I need a certain amount of "adult time" to keep me from feeling like my brain is turning to mush, and 17 straight plays of "Wheels on the Bus" doesn't quite do it for me.

Like all good vacations, then, I've returned refreshed, and with some new goals-both for my work and my family life. Driving through Indiana, Southern Ohio, and West Virginia (we took the long way home from Wisconsin) and seeing signs proclaiming that the latest section of road work was being funded by the stimulus bill has made me more grateful than ever to still be in the same job I had before the recession started, and I'm determined to take advantage of the new opportunities presenting themselves in my office as the turnaround begins (assuming it's the real thing, of course).

It's on the family front, however, that I've realized I have most work to do. The older Maeve gets, the more I realize that I want and need to be involved in her life, and in learning and shaping who she is as a person. Having been introduced to facets of her personality that the hours I work hadn't allowed me to see before, I'm determined not to turn into the guy who only has time for his kids two weeks every year. That's going to involve me taking a long look at my priorities and making some tough choices and sacrifices, but the more time I spend as a Dad, the more I'm coming to realize that that's exactly what sets the good ones apart from the great ones.