Survival Guide, All ages

How to Homeschool Your Children

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:15:46 -0700

Taking it upon yourself to homeschool your children is a big decision--it has its virtues and drawbacks. By doing so you're taking it upon yourself to educate your child, leaving no possibility that your child may pick up information you don't want him or her to have. However, it's a full-time job and it requires lots of dedication.

Parents are increasingly taking to homeschooling for a variety of reasons. Some believe that public school systems aren't doing enough, that No Child Left Behind curriculum caters to the dumbest, and not the smartest, kids in class. Others are pulling their kids for purely religious reasons, choosing to give their children a religious education at home rather than a secular one in public schools.

For whatever reason, more and more parents are pulling their kids from the classroom and putting them in the dining room. According to HomeSchool.com, more than three million kids are currently being educated at home in the U.S.

Although it's a big challenge, homeschooling is definitely a possibility for any family. The Internet has become an amazing resource for parents new to homeschooling and those that have been doing it for years. Here are some tips and advice to get you started:

Get to know your state laws - Homeschooling is currently legal in all 50 states, but each state has its own laws and regulations concerning the practice. Local support groups in your area are an invaluable resource for finding out what is required of you as a homeschooling parent.
Pick up some reading material - There are literally thousands of how-to books on homeschooling, and picking up one of these is a good place to get started. HomeSchool.com recommends "So You're Thinking About Homeschooling" by Lisa Whelchel and "The Ultimate Book of Homeschooling Ideas" by Linda Dobson.
Choose an approach that's best for you both - There isn't one "approved" method of homeschooling children. Rather, many parents subscribe to different schools of thought regarding how best to teach their kids. Some use the traditional "School-at-Home" technique, as if they've simply brought the public school curriculum home for their kids. "Relaxed" homeschooling, on the other hand, allows a parent to focus on the subjects he or she believes are best for their child by using whichever textbooks, workbooks or materials he or she deems appropriate. "Unschooling," on the other hand, is the practice of letting your kids teach themselves, but this method is problematic when your kids take assessment tests or reenter the school system.
Consider the social implications - The biggest arguments against homeschooling revolve around the idea that because your child is not socializing with groups of kids her age, she will become a social outcast later in life. This argument has its merits and pitfalls, however. While it is certainly true that removing socializing agents like peer groups and teachers will affect their development, it is not necessarily true that it will do so in a negative way. Homeschooled kids potentially interact with kids of various ages, helping to teach the younger ones and being taught by the older ones. Also, by keeping them out of public schools you control what information they learn. In this sense, you don't have to worry about your daughter finding out about the birds and the bees from some punk three grades above her. It's essentially a "lesser-of-two-evils" consideration, and you have to determine that answer for yourself. Whether you homeschool or not, take your kids to experience new things and meet different types of people.

Homeschooling your children can be a rewarding and enriching experience. By doing so you get to rediscover the things you learned as a child, see things for the first time through your child's eyes, and take delight in the knowledge that you're taking your child's education into your own hands. It can be tough at times, but there are thousands of helpful articles out there that can get you through the rough patches. And if those don't work, give your kids a snow day. You can always come back to it later.

How to Juggle Work and Family (2nd opinion)

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:13:36 -0700

For centuries, a husband and father's job has remained essentially the same - it is his duty to leave the family, hunt, and return with sustenance. Although we now bring home money rather than venison, men are still what they always have been: hunters and gatherers.

This will never be more important than during your wife's first few weeks after the birth. Since she is recovering and possibly unable to work herself, the job of financial provider may rest solely on your shoulders. You may find yourself working longer hours, and putting your work away once you get home will become more and more difficult.

It is important, however, to separate your work from your family. Constantly fretting about business prevents you from living in the moment and cherishing each and every second with your beautiful new baby. It can also strain your relationship with your wife, who may think you're "at home, but not at home." If you're having trouble leaving work at work, or if you're just trying to find a balance, take some advice:

Rearrange your schedule, not your family's - If you have to put in extra hours to finish a particularly large project, don't steal those hours from your family. Instead of staying late, go in early. Although you might have a hard time dragging yourself out of bed in the morning, it's better to lose a few hours sleep than lose a few hours of raising your daughter.
Turn off your laptop - With technology at it's peak, we literally never have to leave our offices. Even at home, we're connected to every facet of our work - through out laptops, our Blackberries, our cell phones, and our email accounts. If you don't extract yourself from work, then, it will constantly be hanging over your head. Turn off your electronics, no matter how hard it may be. If you're too dedicated to work to do so, then you have a problem. Being a workaholic is a very real issue, and you may need counseling.
Practice a no-work policy - Let it be known around your house that you will do absolutely no work while at home. Don't forget to circulate this around the office, as well. Inform all your coworkers that no issue is important enough to require you to work during your family's time. If there is a problem, it will still be there when you arrive in the morning. Unless you're a major corporate player pulling in tens of millions of dollars every year, there is never a reason you should be answering calls from work at 8 p.m.
Take the long way home - No one should be expected to jump seamlessly from one role to another. After a long day of fretting over work issues, it may be hard to put those away enough to enjoy your time at home. Give yourself time to let go of your workday by taking the long way home. Drive through a park, get a soda somewhere or just park and let your thoughts drift. Let go of work before you get home, so you'll be ready to devote your night to your family.

Anything to which you devote 40 hours a week is going to bleed in to the rest of your life. You have to remember, though, that while providing for your family is of supreme importance, your job is not. In the long run, would you rather have spent your life surrounded by your loved ones or surrounded by work?

How to Help Your Kids Deal with Sibling Rivalry

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:07:02 -0700

Brothers and sisters are bound to fight. If you have any siblings, this is already apparent. You remember Indian burns, noogies, wedgies, swirlies, purple nurples, wet willies and Charlie horses, right?

When you were a sibling, these battles were part of life, just something you had to put up with because your brother was a butthead or your sister was a skeezer. As a parent, however, this type of infighting takes on a whole new persona. Constant bickering between your kids creates an air of stress and anxiety in your household, and it's far too easy to throw your hands in the air and give up.

It can also be hard on a parent when they believe they've somehow failed their children. You're supposed to be raising two people that love each other, but there are times where it seems like you're raising two mortal enemies. Sibling conflict is inevitable, and while it may seem like it's tearing your kids apart, it's actually healthy. These seemingly endless battles are your children's first experiences with conflict resolution, and the skills they learn in these situations they'll carry into their adult lives.

Help them get through the process quickly and painlessly (for them as well as you) using these tips:

Eliminate the source of the conflict - More often than not, the battles between your kids will revolve around material possessions. She has something he wants, or he took something away from her, etc. The first step to defuse this situation is to eliminate the source. Take away the item, removing it from their sight entirely, before you begin the peace negotiations process.
Send them outside - When the battles between your kids start getting more and more frequent, take another approach. As soon as one starts brewing, send them outside. You'll be surprised how quickly their attitudes change when they know they'll get kicked out of the house for causing a ruckus.
Be a moderator - Sometimes kids have real issues with each other. Maybe your older boy is exceedingly cruel to his younger sibling for no apparent reason. Maybe they're having a boundary dispute that is not just going to work itself out. If this is the case, sit the two down and begin the negotiations process. This is the point where you teach them how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner. Be a moderator, and do not allow them to insult each other or get angry.
Set a good example - Kids take cues from their parents. If you and your wife handle disputes by yelling, name-calling or being physically abusive, your kids are going to pick up on that. Remember, as far as your kids know, the way you handle things is the way everyone handles things. They'll think it's totally normal to throw things at the person they're angry with, and by the time they find out otherwise it will be too late. Set a good example by dealing with spousal conflict in a healthy manner.
Let them beat each other senseless - If all else fails, many child-development experts say letting the kids handle it themselves is the best method. They maintain that children often fight for the benefit of the parents, and when you get involved and break it apart you're doing exactly what they want you to do. If nothing else, it will get them out of your hair for a while - long enough for you to regroup and decide what to do.

Sibling rivalry can be exasperating, but it's a means to an end. Learning how to deal with conflict in a healthy manner now will keep your boys out of bar fights later in life. It may seem endless, but stick to your guns - you're raising better kids.

How to Juggle Family and Career

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:31:53 -0700

Trying to do a juggling act between being a dad and maintaining a successful career can turn your home life into a three-ring circus. On the one hand, you want to be a good father and spend as much time with your children as you can. On the other hand, you have responsibilities at work and you want to continue to excel at your job to make a great living for your family. But there will undoubtedly be times when you are so tired that you simply feel like you can't even function. Here are some tips to help you continue to excel at your job even when you feel like all you want to do is take a nap.

Don't sweat the small stuff - Yes, that's the name of a best-selling book. But the reason it was a bestseller is because it's true. Too often, we tend to place importance on things that really don't matter in life. But when you have a career and children, you have to start prioritizing the issues in your life and only dealing with the things that really matter. The other things will simply take care of themselves with time.
Accept help - When you're working long hours and trying to raise children, there's no shame in accepting help. In fact, there's no shame in asking for help, either. If you're going to be held up at work, ask your neighbor or a close family member to be at your house when your children come home. If somebody offers to make a meal for you, don't refuse it. People enjoy helping and they sometimes get offended when they are told "no." When life gets really hectic, it might even be a good idea to hire a housekeeper or some other help to do the things that you simply can't find time to do anymore.
Get organized - There's no easy way to get organized. Organization takes time and maybe even some supplies. But once you get organized, you'll save so much time in the future. Even your daily activities will be easier when you have a system of organization in place. Also, create written schedules for the household so everybody knows their responsibilities with a simply glance. You'll be amazed how much easier life will be when you do this.
Don't be afraid to order out - Does anybody actually like coming home and cooking after a long day at work? If you do, that's fine. But there's nothing wrong with ordering dinner a couple nights each week. Make it the same night and your family will look forward to it. Try different places and you'll expand your family's food horizons. And on the nights you do cook, don't worry about cooking a meal fit for a king. With all of the prepared meals on the supermarket shelves, you can have an entire meal in minutes.
Don't forget about yourself - In the chaos that is your home life, sometimes you might forget to take time out for yourself. But this can only make you more tired and create more stress. It's extremely important to take some time each night to do something you enjoy. Even if it means taking the back roads home from work and listening to your favorite Barry Manilow CD, taking some time for yourself can be refreshing and it can even make you feel less tired.
Create routines - The more routine you have at home, the less hectic things will seem. And when things are less hectic, the more time you have because you're not trying constantly figure out what's happening. If it helps, create written routines so everybody is on the same page about household chores, mealtimes and everything else. Take some time every week or every couple weeks to break the routine, though, or else you'll feel like you're in a rut. And a rut can be even more tiring than a routine.
Leave work at 5 - Nobody ever says that they wish they would have worked more when they're on their deathbed. There's always another day to work, but you can't make up that time with your family. Also, make sure you leave your work at the office. When you bring it home, you tend to work longer hours and get less sleep, too.

There's nothing wrong with working hard at your career and having a family, too. But you're not doing anybody any favors if you do either one halfway. That's why it's important to learn how to be successful at both of them while still maintaining your health and sanity. Following the above suggestions is a great start to juggle a demanding job and an even more demanding family life without getting burned out on a daily basis.

Check out our post especially for new dads.

How to Pick Your Battles

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:26:11 -0700

If you've ever had an argument with your child, you've probably experienced the frustration of trying to understand their logic. Some children, for instance, think you can just write a check for something regardless of the price. Why not? After all, checks are an endless supply of money. And with some stubborn children, everything can be a fight if you're not careful. When this happens, it can take a toll on your emotions and even your patience. Fortunately, it doesn't have to be this way. You can pick your battles and let some of the less important issues slide if you know which ones you definitely need to deal with. Consider these suggestions to help you decide when it's best to set your child straight and when it's better to just "let it go."

Will this issue matter in the grand scheme of things? - Sometimes we get all worked up over silly little things without even realizing it. We end up fighting with our children about the outfit they wear to school or something else that really isn't important. But some (or even most) of these things really don't matter when you think about it. Ask yourself if the issue is really important. A good rule of thumb is to think, "Will this matter when my child is 30?" If not, learn to let it go.
Will arguing about this only ruin the peace? - Some things simply aren't worth arguing about. And since fighting can ruin everybody's day by ruining the peace in the house, you should reconsider its importance. Is arguing about your child sleeping with their head at the foot of the bed rather than the normal way really worth sacrificing the peace for the entire night? Does it really matter if they choose to wear two different colored socks to school today? Some battles are worth it, but many of them aren't. Learn to tell the difference.
Is the issue going to affect your child's health or safety? - One way to know for sure if you should argue about an issue with your child is when they are doing something that could negatively affect their health or safety. Arguing with your son about climbing to that third branch on the tree is worth the effort because they could (and probably will) fall off and break their arm. Start off by trying reasonable and rational arguments before creating the "battle to end all battles." But rest assured that these types of issues are definitely worth the trouble.
Can you win? - Arguing with children can be frustrating because they simply don't understand logic. To them, money might actually grow on trees and there's a tiny little fairy that gives them money for losing their teeth. So your sensible and logical statements could go right over their head. If you know from the beginning that you're not going to win the battle, you can hold on to your last semblance of sanity by not even starting the argument. Just end it by asserting your authority from the start.
Are you arguing for the sake of arguing? - Sometimes we treat our children like our wife in that we start an argument just for the sake of arguing. But this can be detrimental to you and your child. Are you arguing because your child wants you to read one story but you want to read a different one? Think about this when deciding which battles to pick before you start arguing. Take ten seconds to think about it. If it seems like a valid argument that actually matters, proceed with caution.
Have I presented a clear set of rules that are easily understood? - Many arguments dads and children start because they have either had a misunderstanding or a miscommunication with each other. You can fix this by having a written set of rules and discussing them with your child so everybody understands what's expected and what happens when they violate the rules.
Does my punishment fit their rule violation? - Sometimes children get mad when they are unfairly punished. If this happens, rethink your punishment to be sure it fits their crime. Is it really necessary to give your child a three hour timeout just because they didn't finish their broccoli? When there's a violation of the rules, be fair. But don't make a scene in front of others and be reasonable with your punishment to avoid unnecessary battles.
Are there any advantages to winning the battle? - So what if your toddler wants to wear their favorite shirt to school three days in a row? You can overpower them and make them change clothes, but is there really an advantage to winning? They'll change their clothes, but you'll be angry and frustrated in the process of changing their mind. And you really haven't gained any advantages by winning the argument, either.
Is this simply the result of being a kid? - Don't argue with your children about things that they do simply because they are kids. Sometimes we forget that they're not adults and we have high expectations of them that we shouldn't have. Give them some room and allow them to be kids as long as they don't cross the line.

Arguing with your children is inevitable at times. It's just part of growing up as a child and as a dad. But arguing doesn't need to be a daily activity in your family. As a father, you should determine what's important and what you can let slide. If you can master these decisions, your child will likely develop in a more productive and healthy manner.

How to Express Love to Your Child in a Language They Understand

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:22:39 -0700

Have you ever tried to show your child that you love them but they pull away out of embarrassment? If so, you've just experienced a common reaction that some children have when it comes to showing them affection. If you're not a savvy dad, this could have the potential to hurt your feelings, but it's really just kids being kids and it's nothing personal against you. Fortunately, there are other ways you can show affection toward your child in ways that they understand. Consider the Five Love Languages as an ideal way to accomplish this instead of giving your child a big sloppy kiss when their friends are around. Here is a brief explanation of the Five Love Languages so you can implement them in your relationship as a non-embarrassing method for being affectionate with your kids.

Words of Affirmation - Communication is one of the most important aspects of any successful relationship. And a relationship between a father and child is no different. This is probably the easiest love language there is to learn, too. All it takes is occasional words of encouragement to make your child feel loved. Practice phrases like, "Great job!" and "Way to go!" when they do something good. But also learn to compliment them even when they are just sitting and watching TV or reading. If this is your child's primary love language, they'll appreciate the words of affirmation as long as you're sincere and honest with them.
Quality Time - This is often the most difficult love language for dads to learn, especially in today's hectic world where work can be so demanding on our time and energy. But quality time is a great way to show your children that you love them. You can accomplish this without making a big production of going on a picnic or something that takes the entire day. Make sure your family sits down to dinner each night (or at least most nights) and have conversations during that time. Turn off the TV and just enjoy each other's company until everybody is done eating. Make some free time each night to spend with your child, too. Even if it's just to read them a bedtime story and tuck them in, they'll feel loved.
Receiving Gifts - What child doesn't enjoy getting gifts? What parents don't enjoy watching their child's face light up when they open those special gifts during the holidays or on their birthday? But as a love language, receiving gifts is a more common occurrence than once or twice a year. Bring something home each day after work or buy them something when you go to the store. It doesn't have to be an expensive gift, either, because young children don't understand the concept of price. That's the beauty of children - they'll appreciate something from the Dollar Store as much as something that costs $100.
Acts of Service - With children, this might be one of the least noticed love languages. Dads are always doing things for their children, whether it's fixing their bike, scaring away the monsters in the bedroom at night or driving them to school each day. But if you don't do these things, your child will undoubtedly notice. They might even feel like you don't love them as much if you don't blow on their boo-boo or show them how to inflate that flat tire on their bicycle. They might not know how to thank you now, but they'll remember everything you did for them when they get older. And when they're making the decision about which retirement home is best for you, you'll want to accumulate as many acts of service in their memory as you can.
Physical Touch - Snuggling and holding your child is a great way to show them you love them. However, this can be very embarrassing for them when you do it around their friends. But isn't embarrassing our kids part of the fun of being a parent? Dads typically have a difficult time with this love language, but the more pats on the back and hugs that you give them, the more loved they'll feel. Be sure not to skimp on this love language. It's usually the most effective.

"The Five Love Languages" is a book written by Gary Chapman. It was written with the idea of married couples in mind, but these same principles can be transferred to the relationship with your child to make them feel like you truly love them. In today's world where peer pressure reigns supreme and children are searching for meaning, a dad's undeniable love can be the one thing that keeps them on the road to developing a fulfilled and happy life.

How to Tell a Great Story

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:13:07 -0700

Telling a great story is an ideal characteristic for dads. It comes in handy in several situations, including bedtime and those awkward times when your child asks a question that you can't answer. But telling a good story doesn't just happen. It takes practice, timing and even a good plot. These tips and suggestions might not make you the next Bill Cosby, but they'll give you a good foundation for creating stories that your children can learn from and enjoy.

Prepare! - Nothing will bore your child more than trying to tell them a story you haven't prepared. Their perceptive little minds can tell when you're making things up as you go along. When you're not prepared, most adults also tend to fill silences with fillers like "umm," "ah," and "uhhh." How would you like to hear somebody tell you a story filled with those types of sounds?
Appeal to their senses - Children are known for their imaginations. They have no filter on what goes on in their minds. They typically use all five of their senses when they imagine something. As you tell your child a story, try to describe more than just the appearance of something. Whenever appropriate, use the sense of touch, hearing, smell and taste. Of course, not every story will have scenes where all five senses are appropriate, but use your judgment as you go along.
Hook ‘em at the beginning - Any successful story needs a good beginning. If you like reading, you probably won't read past the first couple pages of any book if it seems boring or if it simply doesn't catch your interest. Create a beginning that will hook your listener right away so they'll want to hear the entire story. An interesting time period, place or character is a great way to generate interest.
Know your audience - This is a fundamental rule of storytelling. And even though you're just telling a story to your children, it's still an essential rule to follow. Know what interests your kids in order to create a story for them. Also, know what they are afraid of. Don't tell a story about monsters in a closet to your five-year-old toddler, for instance. And your seven-year-old daughter doesn't want to hear a story about her dad winning the big football game. Create a story using things they can relate to so they'll want to listen.
Create some conflict - Have you ever seen a movie or a TV show in which one of the characters aren't experiencing some sort of conflict? Probably not. That's because a story isn't really a story unless there is conflict involved. A kid walking to school in the morning doesn't turn into a story until the bully approaches him for his lunch money or until something else happens. Keep that in mind every time.
Include a hero or a villain - Children like stories with heroes and villains. They like to cheer for somebody in the story. If you think of a good plot, the hero's actions and the villain's defeat can even teach a valuable life lesson.
Stay focused - If you've been a father of a toddler for more than a day, you know their extremely short attention span. And if you tell a story and go off on a tangent about how the princess's dress was on sale when she bought it, you'll lose your audience's interest. Stay laser focused and present the most amount of information in the fewest words and amount of time possible.
Keep ‘em laughing - Humor is a great way to keep your toddler interested in the story you're telling. Suspense is good, too. But laughing will help them remember the story the next day and they might even remember long enough to repeat it to their children.
Decide on the pace - Pace is an important part of the story. But different situations call for different paces. For instance, a bedtime story should have a slow pace that lulls your child to sleep. A fast-paced story is ideal for other times of the day.
Create a happy ending - An ending has three purposes in a story. For one, it has a climax. It also shows the consequences of the villain's actions and the rewards of the hero's actions. Finally, it also provides closure. A good story leaves no loose ends when it's over. Keep the end brief and to the point and make sure it serves the purpose of the story.

Every dad can benefit from a few storytelling tips. Kids like stories and the old standards are sometimes boring or even outdated. With some practice, you might be able to come up with a story that fits the many situations your toddler finds themselves in during their childhood. Keep the above suggestions in mind and your child will remember your stories and the lessons within for years to come.

How to Save for Your Child's College Tuition

tony — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:13:53 -0700

The last thing you want to think about is your child's college education. Not only is it several years away, but it's likely going to cost several thousand dollars just to pay for a decent school. And that's not even considering the possibility of out-of-state tuition prices. But the reality is that you need to be prepared for the day when your son or daughter graduates high school and wants to get a college education so they can have a great career. Don't let the years go by until you wake up and they're seniors in high school. The best time to start saving is now. Consider the following suggestions to get the most from your investments and savings so your child will only be limited only by their grades and ambitions rather than finances.

Start NOW! There's no time like the present to beginning saving for your child's education. Whether your child is nine days old or nine years old, start an account today and put money in it on a regular basis. It doesn't take a ton of money each week to build up a sizable college fun in 18 years, so the sooner you start, the better your fund will be when it comes time to use it.
Don't think about the cost. If you focus on how much money tuition will be twenty years from now, you might get overwhelmed and discouraged. In turn, these feelings might keep you from saving any money in the first place. Just start piling money away in an interest-bearing account. If nothing else, the money you save will make a huge dent in the tuition or it will likely be enough to pay for an in-state university by the time your child is ready for college.
Make sacrifices. If you're like most Americans, you're squeezing every dollar out of your budget that you can use. But can't you find a few extra dollars each month to put away for your child's education? How about taking a sack lunch to work a few days each week instead of paying between $5-$15 for fast food or something even more expensive? Or you can try reducing your cable service to a basic service instead of paying for all of those movie channels that you'll never watch. If you look closely enough, you'll undoubtedly find an extra $50 or more each month to put towards their tuition.
Research the different savings plans available. Two of these include the 529 Plan and prepaid tuition plans. With the 529 Plan, you can save your money tax-free as long as you use it for higher education. With prepaid tuition plans, you can pay for an entire four-year education now and pay today's prices or put money in an account and prepay a sizable portion of the tuition over the next 18 years.
Teach your child to get good grades. The better grades your child gets in school, the more chances they have at getting scholarships and grants based on their grades. Focus on the educational scholarships rather than the sports scholarships, though. You might think you have the next Lebron James living at your house, but one knee injury could ruin their sports career. They need something to fall back on in case something like this happens. And there's no better backup than a quality education. Even with scholarships, you should still be prepared to pay for at least 30 percent of your child's education because other forms of financial aid rarely pay for the entire tuition.
Leave the savings account in your name. When applying for financial aid, your child will be less likely to get help if their name is on the account because they will be expected to contribute 35 percent of that money toward tuition costs. If you leave it in your name, parents are only expected to pay less than six percent toward tuition costs.
Recognize the importance of a college education. Today, it's nearly impossible to find a good job without one. Just think of how much more difficult it's going to be in 20 years. If you think like that, you might be more motivated to save up money for your child's college fund. In fact, you might even find yourself looking for a part-time job just to find extra money every month to add to the fund.

A college education is one of the best things you can give your child. With the increasing cost of tradition, it's essential to start saving right now so you can be prepared when that day finally comes. Hopefully, you can encourage your child to do well in school and get scholarships to help defray the tuition costs, but that doesn't always happen. And even if it does, having a nest egg to put towards your child's education is never a bad thing.

How to Find a Great Nanny

tony — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:12:07 -0700

For some parents, their busy lifestyle requires hiring a nanny to help take care of the children. Their 70-hour work weeks and other responsibilities simply doesn't allow them to spend the time they need with their kids. But finding a nanny isn't as easy as calling the ABC Network and asking them to send Super Nanny to your doorstep. Finding the right person takes time and research. Here are some things to consider when trying to find a nanny that will be an ideal fit for your children and your family.

Decide exactly what you're looking for in a nanny. Sit down with your wife and make a written list of qualities and requirements. Are you looking for a live-in nanny or one that visits during the day? Do you want someone just starting out and has fresh ideas or someone that's been doing the job for 25 years and has "tried and true" methods? These and other questions must be answered before you can begin looking for a nanny that meets your needs. (Speaking from experience, though, your wife will likely choose the older nanny over the younger one for obvious reasons.)
Begin your research. Finding a nanny is one of the most important decisions you'll make concerning your young child so the research will likely be the most time-consuming part of the process. Here are some tips for researching nannies:
· Ask family and friends about nannies they know or have heard about.
· Find nanny training programs in your area through your local phone book. Then ask them for referrals or references about nannies that have completed their courses.
· Contact a professional nanny placement agency. This is how most people get their nanny because the agency typically screens people before referring them to families. Some agencies even check a person's driving record and health records before certifying them as one of their nannies.
· Check nanny-based websites. There are several websites dedicated to recommending and discussing nannies so parents can post their experiences. Some of these websites include Enannysource.com, Aupaircare.com and 4nannies.com, among others. You'll also find other useful information, including forms and tax information.
Narrow down your search to a few prospective nannies. Contact the necessary people and set up the interviews. Before they show up, have a detailed job description ready to discuss with the interviewee. Also, have some mock scenarios ready to discuss to explore how each applicant would handle situations with your children. If possible, have your child around and observe how the nanny interacts with him or her. Seeing how the nannies respond how your child responds to the nanny will definitely help you make your decision. Just because the nanny has all the right answers to your questions doesn't mean she will be good with your kids.
Call the references. Do not skip this step because this is where you'll get some of the most honest information about the nannies you are considering. Parents will likely be honest about their experiences because they want to help other parents. Ask if they have anything negative to say about the nanny, too. Nobody is perfect, but the negative characteristics might far outweigh the positive characteristics in some cases.
Select a few nannies to "try out." After the interviews and references, you've likely narrowed your choices even further. Ask each one to "audition" by giving them two or three days with your children. Explain to them that this is a trial run just to see how things work out with different nannies. It's one thing to interact with your children while you're around, but it's totally different when you're away. If you have monitoring equipment, such as a "nanny cam" or other devices, review those when narrowing down your decision to just one. This might seem sneaky, but it's an unfortunate consequence in today's world where you simply cannot be too careful in situations where your children are involved.
Make a decision. Hopefully, you've been able to narrow your options down to one or two after going through all of these steps. Make the decision with your wife and try to be in total agreement on the one you choose.
Consistently monitor and reevaluate the nanny on a regular basis. Make sure your child is still happy with her and that she's doing her job correctly. Also, have open communication with her so she feels comfortable voicing any concerns or issues that arise about your child. This will help everybody stay satisfied with the situation.

Nannies provide a great service for parents who both have a career. But the fact is that they will be with your child for about one-third of its waking hours. This means the nanny will have a great influence on your child and she could even encourage habits you don't want your child to have. That's why an in-depth and extensive screening process is vital. Your child is the most important thing to you. Make sure you choose only the best caregiver.

Check out our post especially for new dads.

How to Decide if One of You Should Stay Home with the Kids

tony — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:05:43 -0700

In today's society of day care horror stories, school shootings and overall uncertainty about child caregivers, more parents are trying to make the decision if they should stay home with their children. Options like homeschooling and private tutors offer this possibility, but parents also have to decide if they can do that and still pay all the bills on just one income. For some parents, this can be one of the most difficult decisions they'll ever need to make. Fortunately, there are some things you can consider to help you make this decision as a team. Take the following suggestions to heart and have a serious discussion with your wife about this as soon as the need arises.

Evaluate your finances. The decision to stay home or not will likely boil down to your budget and finances. Can your family afford to live on just one income? Can you move into a smaller home with smaller mortgage payments and other related costs? Some families have learned that one parent staying home with the children instead of going to work each day provides benefits that far outweigh the negatives of living on one income, even if that means major life changes at first. If you have any doubts about your ability to pay the bills, though, use this calculator to realistically evaluate your income compared to your monthly expenses.
Look into the possibility of working from home. More and more companies are allowing their employees to work at home for a variety of reasons. For one, it saves the company on overhead costs. Some companies might even allow a few of their employees to become independent contractors because of the tax benefits. If your company won't allow you to work at home, consider starting a small business that you can do from home that won't take up too much of your time. Many great small businesses have started because a parent decided to stay home with the children and needed to make a modest income each month to make ends meet.
Consider different shifts. You might not be able to realistically live on a single paycheck each week, but you also have a strong desire to stay home with your children. If that's the case, see if your company has nighttime shifts available. You might have to do something drastic like switch jobs. But this should all be discussed between you and your wife before making the final decision.
Make a written list of the pros and cons. Written lists are ideal because they give you a tangible way to look at the information and compare it. Remember to include any doubts you might have about the finances and any other concerns either of you have about daycare centers, babysitters and the like.
Determine if either of you is mentally ready. If you've both been career-minded for a long time, it might be difficult making such a huge change in your life. For some parents who have decided to stay home, they get depressed and start having feelings of inadequacy. Some also feel isolated because they no longer have access to other adults and the outside world like they once had. Be sure to consider this when making your decision. You might even want to consider a part-time job so you are still "out there" with other adults while still being staying home with your children the majority of the day.
6. Keep the future in mind. Are you planning on simply staying home with the kids until they go to school full-time? Or do you want to home school your children? Will your job take you back if you want to go back to work in a few years? Or will you be able to find another job in that industry if you decide to go back to work? Deciding if you should stay home with your kids will not only affect the present, but also the future. Consider that when discussing your options.
7. Reap the rewards. Staying home with your children is such a rewarding experience. They grow up so fast. Having one parent stay home to help them develop not only benefits the child, but it also benefits the parents. Instead of dwelling only on finances and the negatives of staying home, look at how this decision positively affects the entire family. The time you spend during these years is simply irreplaceable.

When both parents have a career, it's never easy to decide if one of you should stay home with the children or not. It can be even more difficult deciding which parent should stay home and which one should continue working. But once the decision is made, making some major and minor changes in your lifestyle can help make the transition as smooth as it can be.