Survival Guide, Teen

How to Talk to Your Teen about Their First Date

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:54:09 -0700

As a dad, you're biased when it comes to your kids' first dates. When your boy goes out, he's undertaking a rite of passage, winning over his first girl and doing his old man proud -- just like you did. When your girl goes out, though, she's running off into the world with some grungy, shifty punk you can't trust, and what's she going to do when Dad's not there to protect her?

It's an emotional time for a dad, no matter which kid is going out for the first time. It's one of the first blatant signs that your kids are starting to grow up. They're still kids, though, and as such they still need your guidance and support. As they grow, your job is to teach them how to act in the social settings they come in contact with, how to be respectable people no matter where they are. This is their first time courting the opposite sex, and while they may not want specific advice from you, you've still got to show them the basics. When you talk to your preteen about his or her first date, here's everything you'll need to remember:

Don't get too personal - The last thing your kid wants is you giving him or her tips on how kiss. Although you need to teach them a few things, there are also some things that are best left up to experience. They'll figure the intimate stuff out on their own, and there's not really much you can do about that. Although you can't regulate it, you probably shouldn't bother trying to advise it, either.
Teach your son how to be a gentleman - Your boy is going to need a few pointers. There are some very specific things that he needs to do on his first date, and if you don't point them out he's bound to stumble all over himself and look like a fool. Teach him to open all doors for his date, regardless of where they are. Teach him, as well, to pull out her chair at dinner, to pay for all aspects of the date, to offer his coat in the event of cold weather, and to be as un-boylike as possible. To that end:
Make sure he avoids his friends - A sure way to ruin your boys first date? Have him arrange the date around an event that his friends are sure to attend. Boys can't help but be boys, but they are acutely at risk of being boys when their peers are around. If your son mentions that his first date is going to be around his friends, gently discourage him. Instead, have him plan a date where he and his girlfriend can be away from anyone they know. This goes for girls, as well.
Talk about responsibilities - Your kids are getting their first taste of freedom with this date, and with it comes a set of responsibilities. Make sure they know what you expect of them - that they are courteous and respectful, not only to their dates but also to the people they encounter; that they practice safety by buckling their seat belts, not talking to strangers, and going only to agreed-upon meeting places; and that they come home on time, every time. If they break these rules, they no longer have the privilege of going out.

You don't have to be a worrisome parent. Talk to your preteens about what is expected of them, and while you're at it give them a few pointers on how to handle a sticky situation. Hopefully the date will go over well, and when their key hits the lock you can pretend to be asleep - but with a smile on your face.

How to Wow Your Kids with Cool Magic Tricks

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:52:06 -0700

Although you probably wouldn't want anyone to hear you say it, raising a child is a pretty fascinating experience. Their innocence and eagerness is refreshing, and seeing their reactions to the world is like looking at everything through brand new eyes. For a moment, you can play again, you can see the world for the first time again, and you can believe in the unbelievable.

One great way to bring out the youth in your kids (and the youth in yourself) is through magic. Pull a quarter from behind an unsuspecting ear, flip a chosen card out of a deck or make a six-foot scarf disappear, and your kids will think you're out of this world. Besides, any good father and prospective old man have to have a few magic tricks in his repertoire. Not only will they be good for countless generations of kids, they're also great for quieting down a loud group during events like birthday parties and family gatherings.

If you're going to be a magician, though, you've got to know the ground rules:

You must be able to palm a penny - You will never pull off any coin tricks if you don't learn this basic, ground-floor technique. Start by holding the penny between your thumb and forefinger of your left hand, with your fingers pointing up. Move your right hand in as if to grab it from your fingers, but instead drop the penny into your waiting left palm. Although it seems simple enough, you'll be amazed how many kids watch your right hand to make sure you don't do anything "tricky" with that penny. For more coin sleights, click here.
You must be able to force a card - Just like a coin palm, this is the foundation for most good card tricks. Unless you know how to read minds, you'll need this technique to "magically" guess someone's card. In all actuality, you'll be forcing a particular card on them. The easiest way to do this is to use whatever card is on top of the deck. Fan through all the cards, explaining that you want the spectator to know that the cards aren't stacked in any way. Take note of the very top card, and remember it. Then, use one of these card sleights to force the card into their hands. When you "guess" the correct answer, your kids will be amazed.
You have to practice your patter - Doing a successful magic trick isn't all about pulling the rabbit out of the hat. It's also about misdirection - making the audience look the other way, or simply distracting them with what seems to be idle chit-chat while you go to work. This chit-chat is called "patter"; it's the story you tell your audience while you're pulling the wool over their eyes. A card trick is just a card trick; what makes it really memorable is the performance. Practice your patter; many card trick descriptions will give you suggestions for how to deceive your audience.
You can never do the same trick twice - This is a huge no-no in the magic world. Remember, this is your show, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to. You'll get requests incessantly, but you must resist repeating a trick. When you perform a trick, no one knows what's coming, and so the end result is a surprise. If you repeat it, however, everyone knows what's coming and can now specifically watch to see how you accomplish the trick they know is coming. Keep the mystery alive; never repeat a trick.
You can never, ever reveal your secrets - Kids want to believe in the unbelievable, and you'll find they are generally the only audience that will truly believe that you are, indeed, channeling actual magic. Don't take this away from them. They're kids, and they're only going to believe in all this stuff for a few more years, so let them have their innocence. Besides, for now you're an amazing magician. If you tell them your secrets, though, you'll be come a shady trickster. Maintain the illusion at all costs.

This is the groundwork. From here you can learn any trick you want and pull it off like an accomplished prestidigitator. Your kids will be amazed, as if their father controlled the wind and rain, and for a minute maybe you'll believe in magic too.

How to Partner with Your Child's Teacher

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:29:02 -0700

Hillary Clinton once said that "it takes a village" to raise a child in today's world. I don't know about an entire village, but enlisting the help of your child's school teachers is certainly an ideal way for your child to become a productive human being with manners and respect for others. The best way to involve the teachers, though, is to become partners with them. This means that you both have a mutual respect for each other for the sake of your child. Consider these tips to build a strong relationship with your child's teacher so they can be a better student and become a lifelong learner.

Attend the meetings - The best way to become a partner with your child's school teachers is to attend the parent/teacher meetings that are held. Most schools do this when they hand out report cards so teachers can discuss with their parents any problems the student is having. Other schools have an "open house" before school begins so parents can get acquainted with their child's teachers. Take every opportunity to meet with the teachers. Your child and the teachers both will appreciate the active role you're trying to take in their education.
Pay attention to comments and grades - Many times, teachers will make comments on tests and grades for students to ponder. But dads should also ponder these things. Ask your child to see their tests and papers when they get them back. Look for comments that might help you guide your child's efforts next time.
Don't be accusatory toward teachers - The overwhelming majority of teachers are simply trying to give your child the best education possible. They want to push them to reach their full potential and expand their academic horizons. Fortunately, they've had training to help them create a classroom environment in which this can happen. You might not agree with all of their methods, but be sure to respect them and allow them do their job. Remember, most teachers have about 100 students between several classes for which they are responsible. It's impossible for them to take the ideas from every student's parent and implement them into the lessons.
Schedule meetings with your child's teachers - You might think that teachers don't want to meet with parents, but nothing is further from the truth. However, most teachers do hate meeting with disgruntled parents who are only trying to undermine their abilities. Be sure to be positive when you meet with their teachers. If you have concerns, discuss them in a calm and rational manner. You'll undoubtedly make more progress that way.
Have open lines of communication - Allow your child's teachers to contact you when concerns arise. If nothing else, give them your email so they can communicate directly with you about your child's behavior or any other problems that occur. The more you communicate with your child's teacher, the more involved you can be with their education and academic success.
Be a "Nosey Ned" - When you meet with your child's teacher, don't be afraid to ask questions. The teacher will likely have some issues they want to discuss with you, but they enjoy answering questions and helping you understand anything you need to know. Write down your questions before meeting with their teacher so you don't forget.
Don't waste the teacher's time - This is especially important during parent/teacher conferences. They have dozens of parents to meet with and only a short time with each one. If you feel you need to discuss something lengthy with a particular teacher, make an appointment. Also, be sure to keep your conversations succinct. Most teachers work several hours each night grading papers, creating lesson plans and other duties. Have respect for their valuable time by not bothering them with every little thing that pops into your head.

It's important to remember that your child's education is a joint effort. Teachers spend the most time with your children during the day, but you spend time with them at night. Your home life can impact how well they do in school, too. You can become partners with your child's teacher by helping your student excel and behave in class. Become involved in their life and education and their teachers will love you for it.

How to Get Your Teenager to Actually Open Up to You

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:45:07 -0700

When someone tells you they have the roughest job in the world, they obviously haven't tried to raise any teenagers. Garbage men, Navy Seals, human testers for non-lethal weapons - none of these guys have anything on a dad trying to communicate with a 15-year-old.

The teenage years are some of the most developmentally-intensive years of your child's life. They are no longer children, and yet they're not adults. Their bodies are being flooded with hormones of every type and size, making them grow bigger, sprout hair, smell bad and think differently. They're facing increased social pressure, as well - to fit in, to be attractive, to date. Adults in their lives are demanding that they grow up, while their teenage peers are begging them to be as irresponsible as possible. Amid all of this, here you are asking them to tell you what they're thinking.

It's a confusing time, and your teenager is more than likely not willing to talk to you. There could be any number of reasons for this. They may honestly not know how they feel, and being pressured by you to put it into words doesn't help. They may feel like they're feelings are too complicated for you to understand. If this is the case, there is only one rule: do not laugh at them. Part of being a teenager is believing that you're the center of the world and that no one else could possibly understand. Yes, you know that your daughter isn't really "in love" with the boy she's known for two days, but she doesn't. Laughing at her feelings, or trying to tell her that she's young and naïve, is not the way to encourage communication.

If you're having trouble breaking the ice with your teen, or you just can't get them to jump in the water once the ice is busted, follow these helpful tips.

Communicate with them - This sounds easier than it is, but it is essential if you want to know what's going on in their lives. If you've established a rich history of communicating openly about yours and their feelings, they'll be more likely to come to you later when they have problems. This means starting the process before they're teenagers. If you spent their childhood telling them what to do, offering no explanation as to why you made the decisions you did, getting angry at them when they confessed bad things to you, and generally treating them like children, they're not going to open up to you as teenagers. It's as simple as that.
Be fair - Being a teenager is the beginning of questioning authority and established norms. "Because I said so" isn't going to cut it anymore. You have to remember what it was like to be a teen and have the feeling that, although the world really wasn't fair, your parents were especially unfair. Your teens are almost adults, and more than anything they want to be treated like adults. Explain yourself, and let them present their counter-arguments. Be ready, as well, to admit when you're wrong, and don't throw negotiations out the window simply because you're the parent and they have to obey you. This is the easiest way to shut them off to you.
Try to relate, but not too hard - Part of the reason teenagers won't open up to their parents is because they believe their Mom and Dad couldn't possibly understand what they're going through. You're parents; how could you know anything about being a kid? Well, you may be able to assuage some of their fears by showing them - not just telling them, mind you - that you were once a teenager yourself. Although your teen may act like they don't care, don't let them fool you. Your life prior to their existence is intensely interesting to teenagers, because it allows them to see from where their traits come. Show them pictures and videos if you have them. Let them read old love notes from high school. If they realize that you may have actually experienced what they're going through, they may be more likely to open up to you. Don't expect them to acknowledge your similarities, however. You're still not cool. You're just cooler than they previously thought.
Let them come to you - Above all else, don't force this process on them. If they sense that you're pushing for them to open up, they'll shut down. Your teens will come to you when and how they want to, and nothing you can do will change that. They may talk to you now, or next year, or 10 years from now. Just trust that you've been a good parent, you've taught them well, and if they have real trouble they'll let you know. Otherwise, you should just let them grow up on their own terms.

Teenagers are amazingly difficult to understand, despite the fact that we've all been there. Every new generation has new problems, new concerns, new standards and new expectations. But, essentially, the basic problems of teenage life - like being accepted, fitting in, dating and making friends - will never change. If you keep this in mind, understanding your teenager and getting them to eventually open up to you shouldn't be an exercise in futility.

Other Links
Tell it like it is: How to Stay Connected to Your Teenager

How to Choose Between Private and Public School

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:41:23 -0700

Education is the central most important aspect of your child's upbringing, and as such it is one of the most important concerns that you, as a Savvy Daddy, have. You want your child to become not only a productive adult but a successful one, and a proper education is central to meeting those goals.

Knowing that, where do you begin? Of course you've been educating your child for the last six years, but now it's time to entrust his or her education to someone you don't know. Who do you choose? How do you even begin to make that decision?

If you're not planning on home schooling, you essentially have three clear options: public schools, private schools and parochial schools. These three schools have both many advantages and many disadvantages, so how do you decide where to enroll your little students?

Firstly, you have to understand the differences between these systems. Public schools are tax-payer-funded institutions that are mandated and overseen by governmental bodies. As such, they are subject to the laws and requirements of both the federal and your state governments. Private schools, on the other hand, are funded by student tuition, and they are not overseen by governmental bodies. Instead, they regulate themselves, but may be accredited according to governmental standards. Parochial schools are very similar to private ones, but are governed by the religious body they represent.

The question of where to put your child generally boils down to a few main issues - what you can afford, what your child needs, what you want for your child and how you feel about the schools in your area.

Assess your child's needs - Your child's needs may play a big role in the school you choose. For instance, if you have a special needs child, then public schools may be better suited to helping your child learn. Private schools are sometimes not equipped for special needs kids, and many don't consider them in the recruitment process. Then again, if you have a gifted child, you may want him enrolled in a private school that will cater to his intellect. Magnet schools (public schools that specialize in certain fields) may also be an option for you.
Assess your own needs - What do you want for your child? Do you want him to be taught in your community? Do you want him to have a general education that will allow him to decide later what his specialty may be? Public schools, then, are probably good choice. If, however, you want him to be taught in a structured, selective environment, or if you want his education to reflect your religious beliefs, then private or parochial schools would be a safer bet, respectively.
Talk to other parents - Talk to parents in your community. Find out how they feel about your school district, how big the class sizes are, and how much attention individual children receive. If you're considering a private school, arrange through the school to meet with parents of its students. Ask the same questions of them. Beware, however, that you don't just accept what they tell you out of hand. Although talking to parents gives you a good feel for the situation, nothing beats actual research.
Tour the schools - If you're considering a few specific schools, you can't make an informed decision without touring the grounds, talking to the administrators and teachers, checking out the classrooms and seeing things for yourself. Don't make snap judgments without doing your research.
Assess your financial situation - In the end, it may all boil down to a matter of how much you're willing to spend. Private schools, on average, cost the most, with tuitions for elementary school kids climbing as high as $20,000 a year. Parochial schools charge tuition, as well, but generally keep their fees at a more manageable level - say, in the $6,000 per/year per/student range. Public schools, on the other hand, charge no tuition. They levy taxes, instead, so you've already paid for your student's tuition whether he's going there or not.

Choosing where to enroll your student is a big choice. It takes research, forethought and financial considerations, and after touring 10 schools you may not be any farther ahead then you were 10 schools ago. For more help on deciding how to education your child, check out these resources here, here and here.

How to Help Your Teenager Pick the Right College

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:39:24 -0700

Going off to college is a big step in the life of a teenager. It's also a once-in-a-lifetime moment of pride - and fear - for a father. A dad watching his son go off to college remembers his own glory days: his first moments of independence, his first college girlfriend, his first party, his first influential teacher, his first intellectual wake-up call. College was a time when youth transitioned into adulthood, when immature conceits gave way to wisdom and experience. Now your boy (or girl) is about to take that step, too. Your kids aren't kids anymore.

Before they move into the dorms, though, they have a tough choice ahead of them: which college do they choose? A lot of factors go into picking the right school, and your alma mater should be the least important of the bunch. Just because a school was right for you doesn't make it right for your kids, and continuing a tradition of school spirit is a horrible reason to pick a college. Your kid's college choice should be based on what he wants for his future, not what you want for him. Remember that although you're helping, this should be his choice.

Get the process started early, but don't overburden your teenager with too much responsibility. Although this is an important decision, they have a whole world of adulthood ahead of them to be responsible. Let them be young as much as you can, and don't make this decision seem like the fate of the world is riding on it. They don't need that kind of pressure, and it's not really that big of a deal. Colleges can be changed; credits transfer.

Ideally, they should begin thinking about what they want to do with their future as early as freshman year, but they shouldn't really have to start making the actual decisions until around their junior year. This gives them about two years to get through the following steps for picking a college or university that will be a good fit for them.

Choose a major - Although this is the chance for your teenager to do what he loves to do, remind him to be realistic. He might love swimming and scuba diving, that doesn't mean he's cut out to be a marine biologist. Have him assess his skills realistically without considering his ultimate dreams. Is he math-smart or word-smart? Does he love the experimental aspect of science, or would he rather read a history book all day? If his ultimate dream falls in line with his actual skills, so much the better. But if he dreams of being a rock star but is better at crunching numbers than playing guitar, he should probably consider a career in math. Choosing a real-world career doesn't mean an end to your dreams. There's nothing wrong with having a Plan B.If he's having trouble choosing a major, this article from QuintCareers.com may help him narrow his choices. Also, remember that being an "undecided" student is a perfectly healthy approach to college. A student can spend at least two years simply getting core requirements out of the way, giving him lots of time to find something that strikes his fancy.
Decide distance requirements - You may want to have a say in this decision, as well. How far away are you comfortable with? How far away is he or she willing to go? If distance is no option, then the best colleges in America are open to him. If, on the other hand, you'd like to keep him within driving distance, then your choices are much more limited. Although this makes the process much easier, make sure your son is going to be okay with going to a less prestigious school.
Choose a group of colleges - Once you have your radius set, you need to decided on a group of colleges that he's interested in. These decisions should be based on what he plans on studying. If he's interested in English or writing, a liberal arts college is probably the best bet. If he wants to study in the sciences, though, he'll want a more academic or research university. CollegeBound.net is a great resource for determining what colleges to which your kids should apply, based on any number of factors.
Visit the campuses - You can never truly get a sense of a college without visiting its campus and touring the grounds. This is a perfect time to talk with other students about what the college is like - things like whether the classes are packed, how approachable the professors are and how hectic admissions week gets. It's also a good time to visit the department of your son's major. Chat with some of the professors, and find out how intensive the curriculum is.
Send in your applications - This process usually start sometime early in your teen's senior year. All colleges have different review criteria and processes, and some take longer than others. The application will likely include a lot of extra material, like work samples, so gather these ahead of time. Make sure you look over the school's requirements for admission and confirm that your teen is eligible.

Getting into a college is tough work, but it doesn't have to be stressful. Not getting accepted during the first round of picks isn't the end of the world. Your teen has a lot of years ahead of him, and working for a year while reapplying will give him some much-needed experience. Just keep them on track, and enjoy this time you have with your teens - they'll be gone before you know it.

How to Help Your Teenager Get Into A Good College

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:36:31 -0700

Getting your teen into a good college can be a rough experience when neither of you are prepared. The first thing you have to assess is your teen's level of commitment. Does he or she even want to go to college? Although becoming a day laborer isn't a key to a life of comfort and decadence, it is an honorable profession. If that's your teen's choice and it's something he or she is passionate about, then so be it. The ultimate goal here is turning your teen into an adult and helping him carve a path to happiness. Just like you, they're going to have to plug away at a job eight hours a day for the rest of their lives. The best thing you can do is help them make that job something they love.

If college isn't the life choice they want to make, then trying to get them into a good college is going to be an uphill battle. Getting accepted into a top school is going to require a great amount of determination and hard work, beginning with your teen's freshman year. If they're lackluster about making the grade, universities aren't going to be beating down your door for their admission.

If this is something your teen wants and is willing to put in the time and effort for, however, he or she can get accepted. Here's how:

Keep up those grades - A top-level college is not just going to go over the last two years of your teen's high school career. Their cumulative GPA takes into account all four years of high school curricula, and any sour grades are going to bring that score down. Additionally, not doing well in earlier classes can hinder a student's performance in later ones. If your teen doesn't do well in Algebra 101, don't expect stellar grades in Advanced Calculus. For tips on how to help your kids succeed in their classes, click here.
Join organizations and succeed in them - Good colleges want to see that your teens strive to do more than is expected of them. They want to see that your teens care about their careers so much that they join after-school organizations and associations that challenge and better them. Additionally, succeeding in such organizations is immeasurably valuable. As one user pointed out in this article, it is far better to be the president of one club than to be a member of many.
Do extremely well on the SATs - Your teen's SAT or ACT score will tell colleges much more about their learning abilities than any grade point average ever will. It demonstrates how well they think on their feet, how well they retain information and, frankly, how intelligent they are. It's easy to cheat your way through high school; it's a lot harder to cheat your way through a standardized test. Have your teen do a few practice tests to see how well they score and determine how much work they have ahead of them. If they study for nothing else, make them study for this.
Go above and beyond - High schools generally provide college-level curricula to students who desire it. Your teen should be enrolled in these courses. Aside from getting them prepared for what will be expected of them at college, enrollment in these tells college administrators and recruiters that your teen is serious about his college education.

Making themselves look good for top-level colleges is a full-time job for your teens - not counting the regular hours they work as normal students. It requires after-hours activities, intensive study time and phenomenal dedication to success. It is by no means easy, but if your teens have the drive and the passion, they can make it happen.

How to Get Your Teenager to Actually Listen to You

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:34:18 -0700

Teenagers have lots of reasons for not listening. One of the most apparent ones is their belief that you couldn't possibly understand their situation, so your advice is flawed from the beginning. How would you know anything about fitting in with the Emo kids, getting dumped by your soul mate or putting up with dorky parents? When your teen has it in his mind that you're lame and inexperienced, everything you say is going to go in one ear and out the other.

Teenagers do need their parents, however. Remember, you're one of the two most important people in his life, whether he wants to admit it or not. Your perception of him molds his perception of himself, and even if he continues to adamantly deny it, he does look up to you.

More often than not, communicating with your teenagers is something that both parties involved consider very important but neither know how to do. Teens see their parents as older, nagging authority figures who don't listen but instead offer snap judgments and advice that's usually not wanted. Parents, too, see their teens as social enigmas, curious puzzle boxes that not even the smartest among us know how to solve. And yet, both are desperate to open up the lines of communication.

You have little say in the matter, honestly. You can't force your teen to open up to you, but until he does and you've established that connection, nothing you say is going to stick. You just have to make yourself as open as possible to them, and hope for the best. When they're sitting down and you're each giving each other your undivided attention, you should feel fairly secure that they're ready to listen.

Here are some tips for making yourself more approachable to your teens.

1. Avoid the urge to fight - If you let disagreements turn into all-out brawls with your teenagers, you'll lose lots of precious ground you're trying to gain. Many parents may believe that compromising with your teenagers to avoid all-out confrontation takes away your authority. As T. Suzanne Eller points out, though, allowing yourself and your child to lose control in a no-holds-barred battle impugns your authority even more. Be calm when your teenager is not, and turn away from a fight.
Listen, don't just hear - Teenagers everywhere have the same problem. Although they want to open up to their parents, they know their parents won't really listen. Instead, they'll jump in halfway, offer some advice that's more an order than a suggestion, and think they've solved the problem. Oftentimes, however, teens just want you to listen to what they have to say. Don't drown out their half of the conversation, and don't dismiss what they're saying out of hand.
Be patient - It may be hard, but you have to let your teens fully express themselves. Don't jump to conclusions and override them with your beliefs and suggestions. If you try to finish their sentences for them or assume you know what they're trying to tell you, you'll probably just frustrate them - enough, more than likely, to drive them away from the conversation.
Be prepared to hear hard news - Your kids are teens, now, and they're dealing with complex, adult emotions and crises. If your son or daughter has something they need to talk to you about, you have to be prepared for the possibility that they need to talk about sex, drugs or any other adult issues. If you spring to the defensive, get angry and punish them for what they've done, you'll shut the door on them forever. Remember, you weren't much older than they are now when you first dealt with these issues. How understanding were your parents, and how did you feel when they freaked out about your confession?

It's a tough row to hoe, but getting your teens to open up to you - and in exchange, getting them to listen to what you have to say - doesn't have to be an exercise in futility. You just have to remember that you're not just an authority figure - you're also an advisor and confidant. If you can put away the iron fist in favor of an open hand, you'll be surprised how quickly your teens turn around.

How to Help Your Kid Get Out of the Wrong Crowd

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:30:42 -0700

It's often a parent's worst nightmare when their child starts hanging around the wrong crowd. All those years of work trying to teach the differences between right and wrong and how to respect others can go out the window when they start trying to impress their "bad" friends. Even worse, this is how many young people get involved with gangs and move on to more serious behaviors. There are some things you can do, however, to deal with the problem before it gets out of hand. If you've noticed your child hanging around with some friends who are less desirable in your opinion, here are some suggestions to guide them out of the wrong group.

Don't make it "you" against "them" - This means that you shouldn't attack your child's friends or talk bad about them to your child. Many times children start associating with the wrong crowd as a form of rebellion. Your disapproval will only make them rebel more. Not only that, but you'll make your child's friends your enemies. Since peers usually have more influence on your children than you do, you don't want to make them hate you.
Do make your opinion known - While you shouldn't attack your child's friends, you can criticize their behavior and choices. There's a difference between making a personal attack ("I think your new friend is a loser.") and criticizing their actions ("I think your new friend makes bad choices that could hurt him or others around him."). Try to have a short explanation for why you feel the way that you do. Short explanations are better because you can get it out of your mouth before your child's attention span begins wandering.
Do use indirect influences - Does your child have any "cool" aunts or uncles? Or are there any other authority figures that your child looks up to? If so, tell those adults about the problem you're having. These should be people that both you and your child trust. Your child will likely confide in them, but they can also influence your children more than you can. The more time they spend with this person that they admire, the less time they'll be spending with the "bad" crowd.
Don't betray your child's trust - Even if you have a trusted adult that your child confides in, don't force that person to tell you everything your child tells them. That would be a betrayal of trust and it could also put that person in an awkward situation. In addition to that, your child won't trust that person anymore and it could drive them even deeper into the wrong crowd. Just rest assured knowing that if there was something serious happening with your child, this trusted adult or older teen would inform you of any major problems.
Do spend time with your child's friends - Ask your child to invite their friends over sometimes. Spending time with your child's friends can bring about many positive results. For one, you might find out their friends aren't as bad as you thought they were. Another positive result could be that you know where your child is and you know they're not getting into mischief as long as they are at your house. Finally, if you're nice and respectful to your child's friends, you could be a positive influence on their lives that they may not be getting from their own parents. Have snacks or order pizza to get on their friends' good side. This way, you are creating allies instead of enemies.
Do get your child involved - Most children start hanging around with the wrong crowd because they are simply bored and have nothing else to do. But if you encourage them to find their interests and pursue them, they are less likely to find ways to get into trouble. Encourage them to join a school sports team or some other extra-curricular activities that they would enjoy. If you go to church, encourage your child to get involved with the youth group and other activities going on at church. There are other community organizations that also offer programs and activities to maintain a positive influence for kids. Research these possibilities and find ways to excite your child about these activities.

The older a child gets, the more they normally want to distance themselves from their family. To do this, many of them start associating with a bad crowd instead of sticking by the principles you've tried to instill into them. When this happens, though, the hardest part for a parent is to refrain from attacking the "bad" friends. The best thing to do is face the reality of the situation and remain calm. If you handle it correctly, your child will come through the entire experience with a more positive outlook on life having learned some very valuable life lessons on their own.

How to Discipline Your Teenager

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:23:01 -0700

You've survived the toddler years and the childhood years. The "Terrible Two's" were nothing compared to the teen years. These years can be even worse when it comes to discipline and punishment. If you haven't found out already, you teen knows everything there is to know and you're merely a dumb ol' parent that knows nothing. They are, however, busier and more worldly than we were at that age due to today's technology and busy lifestyles. That's why it can be so difficult to enforce any discipline upon them. But there are some things you can do to instill a sense of good behavior and well-mannered characteristics in them. Consider the following suggestions and decide which ones would work best with your particular teen.

Stay involved with your teen's life - They might tell you that they just want to be left alone, but they don't really mean it. Most of the time, they are simply venting their frustrations at life towards you. Most teens appreciate parents who want to be involved and know what's going on in their life. It shows that they care during a tumultuous time in their life.
Don't use scare tactics with your teen - Not only do scare tactics never work with today's teenager, but they also cause your teen to lose respect for you (if they had any to begin with) and you lose credibility as well. If you lose credibility now, it's nearly impossible to regain it when a bigger, more important issue comes up in the future.
Restrict their luxuries - Today's teen has many luxuries and gadgets that weren't around when we were their age. And if you deprive them of just one of these luxuries for more than a day, you can get your point across loud and clear. Some of today's teenagers would crumble if they had to go without their Internet access or cell phone for more than a day. If you're the one paying for these services, you have a right to take them away as you see fit. Just be sure the punishment equals the misbehavior. You don't want your teen to go through massive withdrawal syndromes for simply coming home a half hour past curfew.
Make clear boundaries and rules - Teens crave boundaries and regulations even if they say they hate them. During this time of trying to find themselves, they need to know that their parents care about their well-being and safety. Also, make a list of consequences for breaking these rules. They might not always choose to follow the rules, but at least you'll both know what type of punishment to expect as a result of the misbehavior.
Delegate responsibilities to your teen - Misbehaving is sometimes the result of boredom and feeling unwanted or unneeded. By giving them responsibilities that they can handle, you're telling them that you trust them and they are a part of the family in a big way. But be sure you don't give them too much to handle. Remember, they have school and a flourishing social life to nurture.
Encourage them to get a job - A job is a great way to learn responsibility, but that's not the best part for the teen. The positive reinforcement of a weekly paycheck is one of the best experiences they'll have. If they show they can handle a job, though, be a little more lenient with the rules. They are learning to become responsible adults and the only way to encourage that is to start treating them as such.
Let them pay a bill or two...or three - Once your teen has a job, have them pay a small monthly bill that relates to them. Many parents require their teen to pay for their car insurance and gas with the money they earn. The parents should typically take care of the bigger household bills. Just one or two small bills teaches them responsibility and financial management skills.
Treat them with respect - Most teens are just looking for respect. They might be exploring their personalities through weird looks and crazy hairstyles, but they still want to garner the respect of those around them for their individuality. You don't have to treat them as equals, but be sure to look at their life through empathetic eyes. You'll be amazed how far this little tip will get you.

We've all been teenagers, but we sometimes forget what it was like back in our day. Although many things have changed since then, there are still a number of things that remain the same. Regardless of the time era, discipline is a vital factor in any teenager's development. By following the above suggestions, you can hopefully connect with your teen and help them develop into a productive and respectful adult.