Survival Guide, Preteen

How to Deal with Your Daughter's Hair (and why)

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:21:09 -0700

Most guys would rather do anything else than read about hair styling, but if you've got a daughter, hair can be an important issue. Hair is generally seen as a sign of beauty for females, and this is impressed upon girls at a very young age-whenever they get a new haircut or wear a cute barrette, everyone tells them how pretty they look, so they start caring about their hair pretty early on. Plus, girls usually wear their hair longer, so at a minimum, your daughter's hair needs to be brushed through and styled in a way that keeps it out of her face (and the fingerpaints). So before we get to the issue of styling, here are a few pointers on brushing and combing long hair.

Wet hair: Comb through her hair as soon as possible after you wash it (and use a comb, not a brush). Once the hair starts to air-dry, it's harder to comb out the tangles. For girls with thick or very long hair, avoid tears with using conditioner or some spray-on detangler-you can get it at most drugstores or kids' hair salons. Also, for thicker hair, a wide-tooth comb works best.
Dry hair: If you're facing a serious case of bedhead, you need to work through those tangles with care. Take a handful of hair and hold it at the top, near her scalp, then use a comb to pick through the snarls. (It may be tempting to just yank through the tangles, but that technique hurts. A lot.) When all the tangles are out, give her whole head a once-over with the comb or brush.

While a quick brush-through and a barrette are sometimes enough, especially when you're late for school, you will occasionally be called upon to perform a little more artistry. Here are a few basic hairstyles for little girls, from easiest to hardest, and how to create them. (Note: Be sure to use elastics made for use on hair-you can get small ones designed for kids. But NEVER use a regular rubber band, or it will take scissors to get it out.)
Ponytail: Scoop up all of her hair with one hand, and with the other, comb through the hair on the top and sides of her head to smooth it out. You can make a low ponytail at the back of her neck, a high ponytail up at the crown of her head, or something in between. Then wrap an elastic around the hair. Put a ribbon or scrunchie around the elastic if she wants to look fancy. Once you've mastered that, you can also do a partial ponytail, where you just use the hair on top of her head and pull it back.
Pigtails: Pigtails are just two ponytails, on either side of the head. Begin by parting the hair into two sections. You do this by taking a comb, placing the tip at the top of the back of her head, and drawing a straight line down to her neck; make sure the part is straight and centered. Wrap each section of hair in an elastic, a little bit behind the ear, at whatever height she likes. When you're done, look at her from the front to make sure the pigtails are at about the same place on each side.
Braids: Braiding seems hard at first, but after you've done it a few times, it gets easy-it's just a matter of getting the pattern down. Divide the hair into three even sections. Take the right section and cross it over the center section. Then take the left section and cross it over the center section (which was formerly the right section). Keep alternating, crossing the right and left sections over the center section, tightening the braid as you go until you're a couple inches from the end of the hair. Secure it with an elastic. Check out this video to see how it's done. You can also make braid pigtails, parting the hair as described above and braiding each section separately.
French braids: Don't even try this until you've got regular braiding down pat. French braiding is a little more difficult, and requires a degree of manual dexterity, but little girls just love to have their hair French braided because it looks so pretty. You start by gathering a small section of hair at the crown of her head, and dividing that section into three. Then criss-cross each side section over the center section as described above, but the trick is that before you cross a side section, you add a little more hair to that section. It's not easy at first, but it's also not as hard as it sounds-and probably easier to understand if you see it.

Please note that some girls may have hair that requires more specialized treatment; for example, for girls with very curly or kinky hair, it may not be necessary-or advisable-to comb it through. With these girls, you may just need to call in some female assistance. But once you learn how to do a few cute hairstyles for your little girl, she's going to think you're awesome (and the women in your life will be pretty impressed too).

How to Support Your Daughter When She Has Her First Period

tony — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 18:13:55 -0800

Ahh, springtime. Your daughter is growing up, climbing in height, softening around the edges and quickly discarding the child and baby you once knew. She is becoming a woman, and there's nothing you can do about it. She can't be your little girl forever.

As a father, it is understandably difficult, if not downright impossible, to understand what she's going through. Let's face it -- we're men. Puberty for us meant a deeper voice, a growth spurt and some hair. All pluses. Girls started to look a little cuter to us during puberty, as well. Another plus.

For girls, though, puberty is a universally different milestone. Society has placed the impetus on women to be beautiful -- not men -- and it is ironically during this time in their lives that girls begin to understand this more and more. As puberty progresses, young girls grow into the women they will become, and they learn to reconcile their body image with our cultural expectations of the "perfect woman." It is a tremendously fragile and self-conscious journey, and men are not equipped to understand or deal with it.

Your daughter will probably start to show signs of puberty at around 10 years old, although it can happen anywhere between the ages of 8 and 12, generally. The beginning of female puberty is known as thelarche, and it is characterized by the development of breasts. Around 18 months later she will begin to grow underarm and pubic hair, and then in another six months or so she'll begin menarche -- her first period.

Of course, as her father you won't know when she gets her first period unless she tells you. It's not necessarily apparent, although there may be some warning signs. All girls experience menstruation differently, and some girls take it harder than others. You daughter may experience flu-like symptoms, such as headache, backache, sore legs and nausea. The most common symptoms, of course, are cramping and discharge.

This is not something your daughter will want to discuss with her dad. Likewise, it's probably a decent bet that you're not really all that interested in discussing it with her, either. In situations like these, it's best to call in the wife. As a father you can certainly take a role in her development, but only if you're asked to. Otherwise, you can really only be supportive of her -- by understanding that she's changing, and by being sensitive to her moods and her needs. It's a strange job, and you may find yourself in over your head, but it's the easiest way for all involved.

For the single father, however, ducking out isn't always an option. With no wife to turn to, you may start to feel a little bit like a deer in the headlights. You haven't the slightest idea what you're going to do -- how can you even approach your daughter with something like this?

Find a woman -- Your best bet, in all honesty, is to find a woman who can help. Your mother is an easy first choice, as are any female relatives. In the absence of family, choose a close female friend to help. Even an ex-girlfriend who you are on good terms with would work. You can learn as much as you want about menstruation and cramping and pubic hair growth, but none of that is going to help you when your daughter needs to apply her first Tampax. You need a woman.
Brush up -- Where experience isn't possible, we can only rely on knowledge. That is to say, it's time for Menstruation 101. In all likelihood you won't even need this stuff, because your daughter will have already learned it in school or on the Internet. Even if you do need to tell her what it is, you'll probably be so nervous you can't finish. Still, it doesn't hurt to get to know your enemy. These two articles (here and here) will give you everything you need to know.
Point her in the right direction -- If your daughter inexplicably doesn't know the first thing about menstruation, it's going to fall on you to teach her. Rather than put yourself through the embarrassment of discussing it with her, you can help her find some information. Web sites like DotGirlProducts.com and Tampax.com have lots of information on puberty and menstruation, and some even have testimonials from other girls about their first times.
Don't make her feel weird -- Some websites discuss throwing menarche parties for your daughter's first period, with jewelry and dancing and female friends and other girl stuff. DO NOT DO THIS. This is the territory of the girl's mother or your chosen symbolic menstruation instructor -- not her father. In other departments, don't embarrass her in front of her friends, try to avoid making references to her being a child or otherwise underdeveloped, and don't make her feel ugly ... ever.
Take her out sometime -- Sometimes it's best to just go out and have fun and not worry about it. Let her know that you want to take her out and do something with her, whatever she likes. Make a daddy-daughter date out of it, with dinner and a movie, if you like. Talk about innocuous things and just generally enjoy your daughter's presence. She'll enjoy it, as well, and she'll appreciate the gesture.

You're in enemy territory here, and it's okay to be scared. If you've got a good wife on your side, however, you've got nothing to worry about. If you're stuck out here on your own, this may be more of a problem. Stick it out, however, and just keep one thing in mind: your daughter is becoming a woman. That means she's still part little girl, and you better enjoy it while it lasts.

How to Explain Things to Your Child in Ways They Understand

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:18:34 -0700

Have you ever tried to explain something to your kids using language that they are simply too young to understand? Or, worse yet, using language with your teenager that is more appropriate for a toddler? Either way can be a waste of your time and your child's time. Telling your four-year-old toddler to clean his room because a messy room is a socially unacceptable behavior and girls don't like men who keep messy rooms won't do a bit of good. And trying to explain sex to your 14-year-old by using the "birds and bees" will only make them laugh at you even more than teenagers typically do. Consider these suggestions to ensure that your conversations with your children are always age-appropriate and effective so you can enjoy better communication with them.

Think like a child - For some of us, this isn't very difficult. Women always say we think like children anyways, so it might not be much of a stretch. But when you're trying to explain something in an age-appropriate way, try to put yourself in your son's or daughter's situation to find the best language to use. The best way to do this is to listen to how they speak and then use many of the same words they use.
Let them ask the questions - By allowing them to lead the conversation, you might "luck out" and get a bunch of "yes or no" questions. That relieves the pressure on you to think of the words you should use. It also gives you an idea of how mature your child is and the types of things they have already learned. This can help you find the best words to use when explaining other things to them in the near future.
Use school situations - School is such a huge part of a child's life. As a result, they can readily relate to the situations they face. When trying to explain something to your children, try to use recent school experiences or hypothetical school situations to help them understand what you're trying to say. You can also use their playtime or the cartoons they watch if they're too young for school.
Simplicity works - Don't make things too difficult for them to understand. For instance, if you're trying to explain birth to a toddler, you don't need to explain the intricacies of the birth canal and the umbilical cord. Keep the process as simple as possible or else they just won't understand.
Read what they're reading - Take an interest in your child's hobbies and interests. For instance, what type of books do they enjoy reading? What type of TV shows do they watch? Get a feel for their language by looking at their surroundings. If you do this enough, using age-appropriate language will eventually become second nature to you.
Enlist some help - An ideal person to ask about age-appropriate language is your child's teacher. They deal with children all day and they have to know how to communicate effectively with them. They've probably even heard some of the slang and lingo that the kids your child's age tend to use when they're with each other. Ask the teacher for suggestions. They'll be more than happy to help you out.
Find a video to do the trick - While it's not best to let videos and TV teach your children all the time, sometimes they can be very handy. This is especially true when you're at a loss or when you're stuck. You might be surprised about the wide range of videos that are out there. You can probably find one relevant to almost any situation and relating to any age group. Do you want to explain racism to your toddler? There's likely a video out there that will do just that in an age-appropriate and sensitive way. From sharing to learning about puberty and everything in between, there's likely some material that can be a lot of help.

Sometimes it's not easy to talk to your children because of the generation gap. This gap can also lead to a language barrier that can prevent you from communicating effectively with your child. Remember, there's no shame in asking for help or finding other materials that can make the job easier. It's better than not communicating with your young children at all.

How to Wow Your Kids with Cool Magic Tricks

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:52:06 -0700

Although you probably wouldn't want anyone to hear you say it, raising a child is a pretty fascinating experience. Their innocence and eagerness is refreshing, and seeing their reactions to the world is like looking at everything through brand new eyes. For a moment, you can play again, you can see the world for the first time again, and you can believe in the unbelievable.

One great way to bring out the youth in your kids (and the youth in yourself) is through magic. Pull a quarter from behind an unsuspecting ear, flip a chosen card out of a deck or make a six-foot scarf disappear, and your kids will think you're out of this world. Besides, any good father and prospective old man have to have a few magic tricks in his repertoire. Not only will they be good for countless generations of kids, they're also great for quieting down a loud group during events like birthday parties and family gatherings.

If you're going to be a magician, though, you've got to know the ground rules:

You must be able to palm a penny - You will never pull off any coin tricks if you don't learn this basic, ground-floor technique. Start by holding the penny between your thumb and forefinger of your left hand, with your fingers pointing up. Move your right hand in as if to grab it from your fingers, but instead drop the penny into your waiting left palm. Although it seems simple enough, you'll be amazed how many kids watch your right hand to make sure you don't do anything "tricky" with that penny. For more coin sleights, click here.
You must be able to force a card - Just like a coin palm, this is the foundation for most good card tricks. Unless you know how to read minds, you'll need this technique to "magically" guess someone's card. In all actuality, you'll be forcing a particular card on them. The easiest way to do this is to use whatever card is on top of the deck. Fan through all the cards, explaining that you want the spectator to know that the cards aren't stacked in any way. Take note of the very top card, and remember it. Then, use one of these card sleights to force the card into their hands. When you "guess" the correct answer, your kids will be amazed.
You have to practice your patter - Doing a successful magic trick isn't all about pulling the rabbit out of the hat. It's also about misdirection - making the audience look the other way, or simply distracting them with what seems to be idle chit-chat while you go to work. This chit-chat is called "patter"; it's the story you tell your audience while you're pulling the wool over their eyes. A card trick is just a card trick; what makes it really memorable is the performance. Practice your patter; many card trick descriptions will give you suggestions for how to deceive your audience.
You can never do the same trick twice - This is a huge no-no in the magic world. Remember, this is your show, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to. You'll get requests incessantly, but you must resist repeating a trick. When you perform a trick, no one knows what's coming, and so the end result is a surprise. If you repeat it, however, everyone knows what's coming and can now specifically watch to see how you accomplish the trick they know is coming. Keep the mystery alive; never repeat a trick.
You can never, ever reveal your secrets - Kids want to believe in the unbelievable, and you'll find they are generally the only audience that will truly believe that you are, indeed, channeling actual magic. Don't take this away from them. They're kids, and they're only going to believe in all this stuff for a few more years, so let them have their innocence. Besides, for now you're an amazing magician. If you tell them your secrets, though, you'll be come a shady trickster. Maintain the illusion at all costs.

This is the groundwork. From here you can learn any trick you want and pull it off like an accomplished prestidigitator. Your kids will be amazed, as if their father controlled the wind and rain, and for a minute maybe you'll believe in magic too.

How to Help Your Child Deal with Bullies

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:36:28 -0700

Do you remember hearing Arnold on "Diff'rent Strokes" talk about the bully at his school? Remember the name of that bully? If you said, "The Gooch," give yourself a pat on the back and start getting out more. Unfortunately, bullying is still a huge thing that children deal with at school. What's even worse is that "cyber-bullying" is starting to be a major problem for school-aged kids, too. They can't even come home to get away from the school bully anymore! And though you may have dealt with a bully when you were a kid, the whole idea of "cyber-bullying" is likely something you haven't experienced yet. If your child is being intimidated, taunted, or threatened by any type of bully - either in person or online - here are some ways to help your child deal with the situation is a productive way.

Open the lines of communication - Your child might be embarrassed about being bullied at school. If you were being bullied, you'd be embarrassed, too. But make sure your child knows he can come to you for support and advice. If they don't feel comfortable coming to their dad, they might take more drastic measures, like find a weapon to stop the bully. On the other hand, your child might simply let the bully beat him up because they have no alternative.
Help your child make friends - Bullies tend to pick on kids that stand out because they are alone. They tend to stay away from groups of friends who can fight back. The more friends your child has around, the less likely a bully will be to pick on him.
Contact the school - Teachers and school administrators have a great deal of experience dealing with bullies. In fact, many districts even have seminars and other meetings to learn how to most effectively deal with these situations. At the first sign of bullying, contact your child's teacher and ask them how it should be handled. They might be able to "nip it in the bud" without you even needing to do anything.
Find self-defense classes for your child - Bullies can strike at a moment's notice. They don't always work by intimidating kids for weeks and picking on them. Sometimes they just want to fight. But enrolling your child in karate classes or other self-defense courses equips them with the discipline and skills needed to handle a bullying situation themselves. In addition to that, it also instills a sense of self-esteem that children will carry with them through adolescence and beyond.
Teach your child to be assertive - Bullies tend to target the children who seem weak or the ones that won't stand up for themselves. We've all know that bullies have low self-esteem and that's why they pick on others - so they feel better. When children show assertiveness, though, bullies tend to back down.

In the event of "cyber-bullying," you can use different tactics for dealing with and protecting your child from them. Consider these tips when your child feels like they are being bullied in the virtual world.

Teach your child to ignore potential bullies - Many instances of cyber-bullying can be stopped and dealt with if they are caught in time. Unfortunately, dads usually find out about the problem when it has gone too far. Teach your child to avoid responding to insulting or intimidating messages from bullies online. By responding, the bully just gets the attention and validation that they need to continue their rampage.
Monitor your child's Internet usage - This doesn't mean to look over their shoulder every second that they're online. But if you put the computer in a common area where you can walk by and see what they're doing, you can get a better idea about their online habits.
Keep records - If a cyber bully starts contacting your child, keep records of the emails and other information that might be helpful. These cases sometimes come to court for a variety of reasons. The more information you have, the higher possibility you'll have of prosecuting the bully if it comes to that.

Whether your child is being bullied at school or online, it can be a damaging experience to their health and self-esteem. That's why it's so important to help them deal with either situation productively and effectively. At the first sign of any type of bullying, take action. If it goes too far, it might just be too late.

How to Partner with Your Child's Teacher

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:29:02 -0700

Hillary Clinton once said that "it takes a village" to raise a child in today's world. I don't know about an entire village, but enlisting the help of your child's school teachers is certainly an ideal way for your child to become a productive human being with manners and respect for others. The best way to involve the teachers, though, is to become partners with them. This means that you both have a mutual respect for each other for the sake of your child. Consider these tips to build a strong relationship with your child's teacher so they can be a better student and become a lifelong learner.

Attend the meetings - The best way to become a partner with your child's school teachers is to attend the parent/teacher meetings that are held. Most schools do this when they hand out report cards so teachers can discuss with their parents any problems the student is having. Other schools have an "open house" before school begins so parents can get acquainted with their child's teachers. Take every opportunity to meet with the teachers. Your child and the teachers both will appreciate the active role you're trying to take in their education.
Pay attention to comments and grades - Many times, teachers will make comments on tests and grades for students to ponder. But dads should also ponder these things. Ask your child to see their tests and papers when they get them back. Look for comments that might help you guide your child's efforts next time.
Don't be accusatory toward teachers - The overwhelming majority of teachers are simply trying to give your child the best education possible. They want to push them to reach their full potential and expand their academic horizons. Fortunately, they've had training to help them create a classroom environment in which this can happen. You might not agree with all of their methods, but be sure to respect them and allow them do their job. Remember, most teachers have about 100 students between several classes for which they are responsible. It's impossible for them to take the ideas from every student's parent and implement them into the lessons.
Schedule meetings with your child's teachers - You might think that teachers don't want to meet with parents, but nothing is further from the truth. However, most teachers do hate meeting with disgruntled parents who are only trying to undermine their abilities. Be sure to be positive when you meet with their teachers. If you have concerns, discuss them in a calm and rational manner. You'll undoubtedly make more progress that way.
Have open lines of communication - Allow your child's teachers to contact you when concerns arise. If nothing else, give them your email so they can communicate directly with you about your child's behavior or any other problems that occur. The more you communicate with your child's teacher, the more involved you can be with their education and academic success.
Be a "Nosey Ned" - When you meet with your child's teacher, don't be afraid to ask questions. The teacher will likely have some issues they want to discuss with you, but they enjoy answering questions and helping you understand anything you need to know. Write down your questions before meeting with their teacher so you don't forget.
Don't waste the teacher's time - This is especially important during parent/teacher conferences. They have dozens of parents to meet with and only a short time with each one. If you feel you need to discuss something lengthy with a particular teacher, make an appointment. Also, be sure to keep your conversations succinct. Most teachers work several hours each night grading papers, creating lesson plans and other duties. Have respect for their valuable time by not bothering them with every little thing that pops into your head.

It's important to remember that your child's education is a joint effort. Teachers spend the most time with your children during the day, but you spend time with them at night. Your home life can impact how well they do in school, too. You can become partners with your child's teacher by helping your student excel and behave in class. Become involved in their life and education and their teachers will love you for it.

How to Handle those Preteen Years

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:47:21 -0700

Something interesting happens to your sweet, innocent children when they hit their preteen years. Not interesting like a new version of your favorite arena rock song, though, but interesting like watching Dr. Jekyll painfully transform into Mr. Hyde. Somehow the loveable, heart-achingly sweet baby that you've given yourself over to raising becomes a whole new person - one that you're probably not so excited about living with.

This is a tough time for our kids, and it manifests in less-than-appealing ways. The happy, playful boy you used to know may suddenly become sullen and uncooperative. The daughter that was once desperately devoted to her father may now want nothing to do with you. A child who seemed to respect your advice may quickly become indignant about your intrusions in their life.

It's a typical situation, and you're not alone. All parents, at one point or another, find themselves grinding through each and every day, constantly at odds with the person they're raising and wondering what happened to the lovely child they once knew. Kids at this age are stuck in a rough spot, developmentally speaking. At once they are both naïve, vulnerable children and burgeoning adults, and this strange dichotomy may have you ready to tear out what is left of your hair (we all go bald, so you're not alone there, either).

This strange juggling act of child and adult is hard on the kid in question, as well. They are torn between wanting the safety and security of being a child and desperately needing the freedom and independence of an adult, and they're tremendously sensitive about both issues. Deny them the independence they need and they'll become angry and combative; treat them like they're still children and they'll resent you for not giving them enough credit.

You can't give them too much independence, however, because they're not ready and have no mechanism in place for handling it. They'll go over the top, possibly hurting themselves either physically or emotionally. At the same time, they can often act so immaturely that you can't help but treat them like they're 8 years old again.

If you find yourself caught in this battle between immaturity and perceived wisdom, here are some tips to help you weather the storm.

Don't give in - During this stage, your preteen will test you. She'll talk back, argue, be disrespectful and possibly even insult you. You cannot allow this to continue, and you can't give in to her demands. Make sure you express, no matter how much it takes, that this is not appropriate behavior. And no matter what, never give in to their demands when they're being combative. If they learn that you'll bend under their pressure, you'll never have the upper hand again.
Keep the lines of communication open - Your darling preteen will probably avoid talking to you at all costs. You're an old fogey, and there's no way you can relate to them, right? It is your responsibility to keep those lines of communication open, however, even if they're not using them. Make sure they know they can come to you for anything - anything at all.
Let them come to you - Because your preteens are just beginning to wrangle with issues like responsibility and freedom, they may feel like you're lording over them if you give them unsolicited advice. Desperate for independence, they more than likely don't want to have to count on you for everything. Giving them advice when they don't want it sends the signal that you don't trust their judgment. If they fail, they fail - and they learn from it. Don't rush in with suggestions they haven't asked for.
Reach out to others - This isn't just a trying time for your teen; it's also a trying time for you. Instead of bottling your frustrations up and possibly exploding for no reason at all, talk to other parents who are going through the same stage in their kids' lives. You may be surprised to find out that other parents are having the same problems as you are, and many of them might even have solutions.

Yours is not the first preteen to challenge the limits of their parents' authority (and patience). The simplest way to remind yourself that this isn't the end of the world is to repeat the age-old mantra - "This too shall pass." It will, and sooner than you realize it.

How to Choose Between Private and Public School

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:41:23 -0700

Education is the central most important aspect of your child's upbringing, and as such it is one of the most important concerns that you, as a Savvy Daddy, have. You want your child to become not only a productive adult but a successful one, and a proper education is central to meeting those goals.

Knowing that, where do you begin? Of course you've been educating your child for the last six years, but now it's time to entrust his or her education to someone you don't know. Who do you choose? How do you even begin to make that decision?

If you're not planning on home schooling, you essentially have three clear options: public schools, private schools and parochial schools. These three schools have both many advantages and many disadvantages, so how do you decide where to enroll your little students?

Firstly, you have to understand the differences between these systems. Public schools are tax-payer-funded institutions that are mandated and overseen by governmental bodies. As such, they are subject to the laws and requirements of both the federal and your state governments. Private schools, on the other hand, are funded by student tuition, and they are not overseen by governmental bodies. Instead, they regulate themselves, but may be accredited according to governmental standards. Parochial schools are very similar to private ones, but are governed by the religious body they represent.

The question of where to put your child generally boils down to a few main issues - what you can afford, what your child needs, what you want for your child and how you feel about the schools in your area.

Assess your child's needs - Your child's needs may play a big role in the school you choose. For instance, if you have a special needs child, then public schools may be better suited to helping your child learn. Private schools are sometimes not equipped for special needs kids, and many don't consider them in the recruitment process. Then again, if you have a gifted child, you may want him enrolled in a private school that will cater to his intellect. Magnet schools (public schools that specialize in certain fields) may also be an option for you.
Assess your own needs - What do you want for your child? Do you want him to be taught in your community? Do you want him to have a general education that will allow him to decide later what his specialty may be? Public schools, then, are probably good choice. If, however, you want him to be taught in a structured, selective environment, or if you want his education to reflect your religious beliefs, then private or parochial schools would be a safer bet, respectively.
Talk to other parents - Talk to parents in your community. Find out how they feel about your school district, how big the class sizes are, and how much attention individual children receive. If you're considering a private school, arrange through the school to meet with parents of its students. Ask the same questions of them. Beware, however, that you don't just accept what they tell you out of hand. Although talking to parents gives you a good feel for the situation, nothing beats actual research.
Tour the schools - If you're considering a few specific schools, you can't make an informed decision without touring the grounds, talking to the administrators and teachers, checking out the classrooms and seeing things for yourself. Don't make snap judgments without doing your research.
Assess your financial situation - In the end, it may all boil down to a matter of how much you're willing to spend. Private schools, on average, cost the most, with tuitions for elementary school kids climbing as high as $20,000 a year. Parochial schools charge tuition, as well, but generally keep their fees at a more manageable level - say, in the $6,000 per/year per/student range. Public schools, on the other hand, charge no tuition. They levy taxes, instead, so you've already paid for your student's tuition whether he's going there or not.

Choosing where to enroll your student is a big choice. It takes research, forethought and financial considerations, and after touring 10 schools you may not be any farther ahead then you were 10 schools ago. For more help on deciding how to education your child, check out these resources here, here and here.

How to Help Your Kid Get Out of the Wrong Crowd

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:30:42 -0700

It's often a parent's worst nightmare when their child starts hanging around the wrong crowd. All those years of work trying to teach the differences between right and wrong and how to respect others can go out the window when they start trying to impress their "bad" friends. Even worse, this is how many young people get involved with gangs and move on to more serious behaviors. There are some things you can do, however, to deal with the problem before it gets out of hand. If you've noticed your child hanging around with some friends who are less desirable in your opinion, here are some suggestions to guide them out of the wrong group.

Don't make it "you" against "them" - This means that you shouldn't attack your child's friends or talk bad about them to your child. Many times children start associating with the wrong crowd as a form of rebellion. Your disapproval will only make them rebel more. Not only that, but you'll make your child's friends your enemies. Since peers usually have more influence on your children than you do, you don't want to make them hate you.
Do make your opinion known - While you shouldn't attack your child's friends, you can criticize their behavior and choices. There's a difference between making a personal attack ("I think your new friend is a loser.") and criticizing their actions ("I think your new friend makes bad choices that could hurt him or others around him."). Try to have a short explanation for why you feel the way that you do. Short explanations are better because you can get it out of your mouth before your child's attention span begins wandering.
Do use indirect influences - Does your child have any "cool" aunts or uncles? Or are there any other authority figures that your child looks up to? If so, tell those adults about the problem you're having. These should be people that both you and your child trust. Your child will likely confide in them, but they can also influence your children more than you can. The more time they spend with this person that they admire, the less time they'll be spending with the "bad" crowd.
Don't betray your child's trust - Even if you have a trusted adult that your child confides in, don't force that person to tell you everything your child tells them. That would be a betrayal of trust and it could also put that person in an awkward situation. In addition to that, your child won't trust that person anymore and it could drive them even deeper into the wrong crowd. Just rest assured knowing that if there was something serious happening with your child, this trusted adult or older teen would inform you of any major problems.
Do spend time with your child's friends - Ask your child to invite their friends over sometimes. Spending time with your child's friends can bring about many positive results. For one, you might find out their friends aren't as bad as you thought they were. Another positive result could be that you know where your child is and you know they're not getting into mischief as long as they are at your house. Finally, if you're nice and respectful to your child's friends, you could be a positive influence on their lives that they may not be getting from their own parents. Have snacks or order pizza to get on their friends' good side. This way, you are creating allies instead of enemies.
Do get your child involved - Most children start hanging around with the wrong crowd because they are simply bored and have nothing else to do. But if you encourage them to find their interests and pursue them, they are less likely to find ways to get into trouble. Encourage them to join a school sports team or some other extra-curricular activities that they would enjoy. If you go to church, encourage your child to get involved with the youth group and other activities going on at church. There are other community organizations that also offer programs and activities to maintain a positive influence for kids. Research these possibilities and find ways to excite your child about these activities.

The older a child gets, the more they normally want to distance themselves from their family. To do this, many of them start associating with a bad crowd instead of sticking by the principles you've tried to instill into them. When this happens, though, the hardest part for a parent is to refrain from attacking the "bad" friends. The best thing to do is face the reality of the situation and remain calm. If you handle it correctly, your child will come through the entire experience with a more positive outlook on life having learned some very valuable life lessons on their own.

How to Cope with Your Child's Illness or Injury

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:15:54 -0700

A child afflicted with a major illness or sustaining a major injury is a parent's worst nightmare. Not only will you be faced with fulfilling their physical needs, but you'll also need to find ways to explain the situation to them in terms they can understand. But this doesn't have to be something you go through alone. Your family is a usually a great source of support in times like these. In addition, there are several community support groups you can take advantage of to talk with others going through similar situations. Consider the following suggestions to make this difficult time an experience that you can learn from while being a great parent to your child.

Be honest - Even if your child can't understand what's happening, it's best to be as honest with them as you can. Use language that doesn't unnecessarily frighten your child, though. Also, tell them the importance of communicating how they feel so you and the medical professionals can help as much as possible.
Prepare your child (and yourself) for any treatments and medications that they'll be getting - It's fine to tell them it might hurt a little or cause some discomfort, but reiterate the importance of being either a "big girl" or "big boy" when going through the treatments. You might even need some extra bravery as well if you're going to watch them administer the treatment.
Encourage communication of any kind - Sometimes children are shy or uncomfortable with sharing their feelings verbally. If this is the case, let your child express their thoughts and emotions in other ways. Some kids enjoy drawing while others might simply like to write out their thoughts. Let your child choose their method of communication as long as they can do it effectively and honestly.
Reassure them against their negative thoughts - Some children who have a major illness or injury blame themselves. They might think they did something wrong to bring it upon themselves or maybe they said something they shouldn't have said. Be sure to squash these thoughts and assure your child that it's just something that happens. Use language and examples that they can understand. If they have young siblings, they might have similar feelings. It's important to reassure the siblings that it's not their fault as well.
Don't minimize your child's feelings - Allow them to express themselves and ask any questions that they have. But don't tell them they're foolish for being scared or worried. Also, don't make false promises. Just reassure your child that you and your family will be there with them every step of the way so they feel comfortable and loved.
Allow yourself to say, "I don't know" - Your child will likely ask dozens of questions about the illness, why they got it and what's going to happen to them. There's nothing wrong with saying, "I don't know" instead of making up an answer. But with every "I don't know" answer, reassure them that they are getting the best treatment available and you'll do everything you can to make them feel better.
Treat your sick child as normally as possible - Depending on their illness or injury, this could be a difficult task as a parent. But following the normal daily routines is essential. Don't allow unacceptable behavior or overindulgence just because they are sick. If you do, it will just be more difficult to return to normalcy once the sickness is over. Special treatment will also make their siblings resent them which could create a hostile environment in the home.
Take care of yourself - You might want to spend every second at the hospital with your child, but this can create health problems for yourself. You might even forget to eat or take necessary medications. You're not doing anybody any favors if you don't take proper care of yourself. You only make it harder on yourself and your support system if you come down with any health problems as a result of not taking care of yourself.

Dealing in any situations of major illness or injury in children can be difficult and frustrating. However, learning to adjust takes time, patience and a willingness to teach your child about their bodies and their illness or injury. Only then can your child begin to accept the challenges of taking care of themselves physically and mentally.

Hopefully, you'll never have to deal with this type of situation. It can be very taxing on yourself and the entire family. That's not even mentioning the child that has to endure the health problem. There is no easy way to deal with a child who has a major illness, but following these suggestions can help reduce the stress of the situation and put everybody at ease.