Survival Guide, Toddler

How to Entertain Your Kids for Next to Nothing

tony — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 10:42:59 -0700

Even though our children seem in constant need of entertainment, most budgets will not support weekly trips to Disneyland, Six Flags, or the latest Characters on Ice show. Below are some ideas on how to entertain those restless offspring when the wind seems to be whistling through the void in your wallet.

A Day in the Park - Every subdivision in America has at least one neighborhood park that comes complete with swings, slides, and other playground equipment that will entertain your restless child for an hour or two. Most of the modern equipment-back in the day we called them "jungle gyms"-are built with safety in mind and you can either join your child in the climbing, sliding, and swinging or you can set up a playdate and watch your child scamper with a friend while you sit on the bench, listening to your iPod or fiddling with your Blackberry.

Similarly, every city usually has some larger, more dramatic park that is typically in some historically significant part of the city and sports such attractions as carousels, petting zoos, botanical gardens, trains, or other rides for younger children. These activities may cost a few dollars, but they always work as a special treat. Check on-line or in local newspapers for details in your area.
The Library - While sitting with your child and sharing a story can be incredibly gratifying, most public libraries are about so much more than books these days. Most have separate children's sections with age appropriate furniture, games, crayons, paper, books, and toys. Other sections have PC centers with internet access, computer games, and word processors. Interestingly, many libraries also offer hundreds of videos, DVDs, and audio CDs that are available for check out. Today, going to the library is truly a multi-media experience and-except for those pesky overdue fines--it usually doesn't cost a dime.
The Airport - Take your children to the big city airport, sit by the arrival and departure gates, and make use of their imagination. Who can find the most exotic arrival or departure destination on the monitors? Who can find the tackiest souvenir in the gift shop? Make up backstories for the travelers. Is the Parisian woman in the trenchcoat a European spy? Is the bearded man in the parka a dog sled racer for the Iditarod? And what about the old lady knitting the blanket-senior citizen or bank robber in disguise? Only your children will know for sure. For some quiet time, stand at the window and watch in awe as planes roar down the runway and soar into the sky.
Swap Meets and Farmers' Markets - Wandering through a local swap meet or farmer's market can be a fun time for you and your children, and it doesn't have to cost you a penny. At the swap meet, you can play "who has the weirdest thing for sale" game or explain to your youngster that those round black things are called "record albums." Share an apple or some flowers or sample some organic juice at the local farmer's market. When your weekend calendar has some white space, this might just do the trick.
Museums - Experiencing compelling artwork with your child-whether paintings, sculptures, or photography-can be a powerful opportunity for bonding. Most cities have local museums that cater to families, either through programs that offer free or reduced admission prices on certain days. Lately, we've also seen the emergence of special exhibits at local malls. Many cities also have unique children's museums that offer exciting, entertaining, and education interactive exhibits that give kids a truly "hands-on" experience and can cover such themes as art, music, and science. These places often charge a nominal fee, but the experience can be invaluable.

Whether discussing the color and movement in a local artist's painting, observing people as they board a flight to the Ukraine, or flinging your son or daughter around the carousel for the fifth time in an hour, it is possible to keep youngsters entertained on a shoestring budget. In the end, it really doesn't matter what you do-as long as the ultimate result is quality time with your child.

How to Deal with the Loss of a Pet

tony — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 10:34:47 -0700

The joys of owning a pet can truly be innumerable, and over time "Porter" the dog or "Boots" the cat can become a cherished part of the family. Eventually, though, the death of that pet can rock the emotions throughout your household. Often, children are hardest hit by the loss, sometimes even being at an age where they do not remember what life was like without that friend of the family. When that time comes, the following approaches may help make dealing with the loss of a pet easier for you and your children.

Prepare them ahead of time - While it may be impossible to anticipate accidents, if your pet has a lingering illness, terminal disease, or debilitating injury, it is important that you prepare your children ahead of time for what is likely to come. Be honest. Explain that the pet is sick and will likely die. Explain that when animals die, they do not get better and they do not come back. Tell them that it's not okay for the animal to suffer and that it's important to make the animal as comfortable as possible. Sometimes it is appropriate to say that their pet will "be happier when she gets to heaven," or to talk about how when she passes away, she will be with other animals in a place where she can run all she wants and play in the grass forever. Sometimes these metaphors work for children.

As it gets closer, though, a delicate comment like "it looks like she might pass away soon," might help. And while many children might not be ready for every detail, it is important not to lie. Don't tell your children that your dog "ran away," or "went to live on a farm."
Respect their emotions - Allow your child to express him or herself regarding the loss. Their emotions are likely to be all over the place. Sometimes they may be withdrawn and reflective, other times clingy or weepy. Other times, your child may even dismiss it or act if he or she is unaffected. Be patient and respectful of all their emotions. Share memories, laughs, and tears. Be willing to talk about it, but mostly listen. Whatever they are feeling, it's okay. Give them the room to feel what they feel. There are also excellent books like Dog Heaven and Cat Heaven that can help children deal with their loss and understand what has taken place.
Take steps to commemorate the memories - Gather pictures of your pet with and without family members. Sit and talk with your children while they make a frame for their favorite picture to keep in their room. Or, if you prefer, use many of the pictures to make a scrapbook or collage. If your child is old enough, encourage your child to write about his or her feelings--whether as a journal entry, poem, or story. And if you feel it might help, organize a ceremony to give your pet a proper memorial (a group prayer, for example, a special dinner, or maybe even a trip to a favorite park where each family member shares his or her memories of the pet). It is critical to allow your children to work through both their feelings and their memories.

According to San Diego-based child psychologist Valerie J. Christian, when children lose a pet they "may become fearful of losing other significant relationships." Furthermore, she recommends that you "find out what thoughts they are having and what emotions they are experiencing. Be reassuring and patient. With time, your children should work through these feelings and fears." The death of a pet can be a very traumatic, moving, and emotional experience for both you and your children. Following the aforementioned steps, however, just may help to soften the blow for your entire family.

Related links:
VetMedicine's take

iVillage's take

How to Explain Things to Your Child in Ways They Understand

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:18:34 -0700

Have you ever tried to explain something to your kids using language that they are simply too young to understand? Or, worse yet, using language with your teenager that is more appropriate for a toddler? Either way can be a waste of your time and your child's time. Telling your four-year-old toddler to clean his room because a messy room is a socially unacceptable behavior and girls don't like men who keep messy rooms won't do a bit of good. And trying to explain sex to your 14-year-old by using the "birds and bees" will only make them laugh at you even more than teenagers typically do. Consider these suggestions to ensure that your conversations with your children are always age-appropriate and effective so you can enjoy better communication with them.

Think like a child - For some of us, this isn't very difficult. Women always say we think like children anyways, so it might not be much of a stretch. But when you're trying to explain something in an age-appropriate way, try to put yourself in your son's or daughter's situation to find the best language to use. The best way to do this is to listen to how they speak and then use many of the same words they use.
Let them ask the questions - By allowing them to lead the conversation, you might "luck out" and get a bunch of "yes or no" questions. That relieves the pressure on you to think of the words you should use. It also gives you an idea of how mature your child is and the types of things they have already learned. This can help you find the best words to use when explaining other things to them in the near future.
Use school situations - School is such a huge part of a child's life. As a result, they can readily relate to the situations they face. When trying to explain something to your children, try to use recent school experiences or hypothetical school situations to help them understand what you're trying to say. You can also use their playtime or the cartoons they watch if they're too young for school.
Simplicity works - Don't make things too difficult for them to understand. For instance, if you're trying to explain birth to a toddler, you don't need to explain the intricacies of the birth canal and the umbilical cord. Keep the process as simple as possible or else they just won't understand.
Read what they're reading - Take an interest in your child's hobbies and interests. For instance, what type of books do they enjoy reading? What type of TV shows do they watch? Get a feel for their language by looking at their surroundings. If you do this enough, using age-appropriate language will eventually become second nature to you.
Enlist some help - An ideal person to ask about age-appropriate language is your child's teacher. They deal with children all day and they have to know how to communicate effectively with them. They've probably even heard some of the slang and lingo that the kids your child's age tend to use when they're with each other. Ask the teacher for suggestions. They'll be more than happy to help you out.
Find a video to do the trick - While it's not best to let videos and TV teach your children all the time, sometimes they can be very handy. This is especially true when you're at a loss or when you're stuck. You might be surprised about the wide range of videos that are out there. You can probably find one relevant to almost any situation and relating to any age group. Do you want to explain racism to your toddler? There's likely a video out there that will do just that in an age-appropriate and sensitive way. From sharing to learning about puberty and everything in between, there's likely some material that can be a lot of help.

Sometimes it's not easy to talk to your children because of the generation gap. This gap can also lead to a language barrier that can prevent you from communicating effectively with your child. Remember, there's no shame in asking for help or finding other materials that can make the job easier. It's better than not communicating with your young children at all.

How to Deal with That Recurring Ear Infection

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:11:05 -0700

"Ear infection." Among parents that have lived to tell the tale, these are dirty words. They're the most common ailments that kids between the ages of 6 months and two years suffer from, and they can easily make a kid very miserable. This can mean sleepless nights, cranky days and general melancholy around the house -- no fun.

According to numerous sources, ear infections are problems for two out of every three kids, and they can be severe issues for one of those two. The most common ear infection is acute otitis media, which is an infection of the middle ear. They are typically caused as a result of upper respiratory infections, but there are many factors that can contribute to their creation.

It is possible to take steps to prevent ear infections. There are several factors in your child's life that cause them, and you can easily control them and drastically reduce your kid's chance of picking up another ear infection.

1. Upper respiratory infection - This is one of the most common causes of middle ear infections. Your best bet at preventing this illness is limiting your child's exposure. Avoid taking your baby to places where large crowds gather. While it may seem rude, you should also avoid letting your baby come in contact with people who could be sick.

2. Smoking - Living with secondhand smoke can increase risk for ear infection by up to 50 percent in most children. Most researchers agree that particles in tobacco smoke congest the tube in the inner ear and prevent it from being able to drain. This backup of fluid is a breeding ground for bacteria, leading to ear infection.

3. Bottle feeding - The longer your wife breast feeds, the less likely it will be for your child to develop ear infections. Breastfeeding passes along vital antibodies and immunities that can help prevent the outbreak of infection in children. Also, babies who bottle feed while lying down are more at risk, because the tubes of the inner ear open up when your child is in a horizontal position. This allows fluids to gather, increasing the chance of infection.

4. Family history - Much like asthma or diabetes, chronic ear infections can be genetic ailments. If babies in your family have a history of ear infections, it's possible that you've passed that onto your child as well. If problems persist for extended periods (longer than 48 hours), talk to your pediatrician about antibiotics. If several rounds of antibiotics don't help, you may consider ear tubes. Although this method is controversial, it may be best for a child with chronic problems.

Ear infections can be a nightmare, but they don't have to continue forever. By taking control of just a few factors in your child's life, you can help lessen the odds that he'll come down with another one. Hopefully by following these tips, your whole house can get a good night's sleep again.

For more information on ear infections and how to treat them, consider these links here and here.

How to Baby-Proof Your House

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:09:28 -0700

Having a baby quickly changes a man's outlook on life. That box of magazines and videos you've been collecting for years? It's now a trunk full of evidence that you were once decadent and sleazy. All that loud music? Those CDs are now just glorified baby alarm clocks. And your man cave, filled with all your trophies, figurines, video games, comic books and posters? Sorry to tell you this, but your special place is a big, fat choking hazard.

Your baby has a way of taking everything benign and dull in your life and making it new and exciting. That is to say, everything that you thought was safe will quickly become life-threatening when she focuses her little eyes on it. Your once-safe home is now a minefield, a jungle of booby traps just waiting to explode in her face.

Baby-proofing the home is generally one of the first tasks expectant fathers undertake, as it is also one of the only things they have control over during the pregnancy. There's a lot that goes into it, though - it's a little more complicated than simply plugging in electric outlet covers. Follow these tips to make sure you've covered all the bases.

Be the baby - Get down on your hands and knees and crawl around in the areas you plan to have baby. Look for things that could be hazardous, like small choking items, loose power cords or top-heavy furniture. Don't overlook anything.
Start from the ground floor - Babies live their lives at your knee level. They see the world from the floor, and the things that pose the most danger to them are at that level. Pay very specific attention to the items in your home that sit that close to the floor. Vacuum every day to take care of small items that could pose choking hazards. Inspect the lower half of your furniture to make sure it's not breaking apart or chipping paint, and watch the carpet for frays or loose carpet tacks.
Invest in baby-proofing supplies - There are all kinds of baby-proofing supplies that will make your home infinitely more hospitable to babies. Pick up outlet covers, cabinet locks, toilet-seat locks, bathtub knob and spout covers and stove knob locks.
Gate off the house - Baby gates are an amazing invention, but they're by no means a replacement for adult supervision. However, they are beneficial for keeping baby out of areas she's not supposed to be. Some caveats, however: use gates only at the bottom of the stairs, never the top. One strong push, and gate, baby and all will come tumbling down.
Supervision is key - There is no substitute for adult supervision. You can baby-proof your house as much as you want, but it will never be enough; your baby will find a way to put herself in danger. Always keep an eye on your baby, no matter how safe the situation may seem.

You don't have to remodel your house in an effort to baby proof it. Above all, baby-proofing simply requires mindfulness. You can keep the things you love as long as you understand how your child is going to relate to them and plan accordingly. Essentially, you shouldn't be too worried, because you don't have to throw anything away - you just have to set it up higher.

How to Choose the Best Pediatrician

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:47:52 -0700

Finding the ideal pediatrician might be one of the most important decisions you'll ever make concerning your child. As a dad, you might be compelled at first to find the pediatrician with the most attractive nursing staff. While it might be the best choice for you, it might not be best for your child.

If you've never had to choose a pediatrician, this can be an overwhelming and frustrating experience. You want to make sure you pick one that will treat your child with compassion. But you also want to make sure the one you choose has enough experience to treat anything that ails your child. On the other hand, you probably don't want to choose a pediatrician who is so old that his hand shakes as he's putting the thermometer in your child's mouth. Here are some of the more important things to consider when choosing a pediatrician for your child to help you make the right decision.

Start early - You don't want to wait until you have an emergency with your young child before you start looking for a pediatrician. When you do, you might end up with choosing somebody based solely on the size of their ad in the Yellow Pages. This is no way to find the best doctor for your toddler. Before the infant is born, start doing your research and asking around about doctors in your area. Also check out physician rating/info sites like HealthGrades and RevolutionHealth. This way, you won't need to rush through the process and you can feel more comfortable knowing you've taken the proper amount of time needed.
Make the decision together - You shouldn't just make this decision with your wife only because you're afraid of the "I told you so" for making the wrong choice. When both parents are involved, choosing a pediatrician is less stressful. Your wife might have questions that you didn't think of and vice versa. She can also ask her friends about their pediatrician to see if they are satisfied with their choice and why.
Make a list and check it twice - You'll likely start out with a long list of possible pediatricians, but you'll narrow it down as the process moves along. Decide what's important to you in a child doctor. Do you want a young doctor with fresh ideas or an older one with experience? Keep in mind that older pediatricians may be retiring before your child outgrows their services, too. Are you willing to travel to a different city for doctor visits or do you want one with an office around the corner? These and other questions will likely narrow your list down quickly and you'll find the pediatricians that fit your specific criteria.
Be sexist and choose a gender - Most boys will be more comfortable with a male doctor while most girls will be more comfortable with a female doctor. Consider this when choosing a pediatrician. If you have a mix of boys and girls, maybe you can find a pediatrician that has a doctor from both genders so you only have to make one trip each time.
Visit their office - First impressions are often the best impression you'll get of a pediatrician. That's why visiting their office is so important. Take note of the cleanliness of the facility and the friendliness of the nurses and staff. Which pediatricians have two waiting rooms - one for sick children and one for healthy children that are simply there for checkups? You don't want your kids playing with the same toys that sick children have just sneezed all over, so two waiting rooms are a definite bonus.
Interview the possibilities - Potential pediatricians should be accommodating for parents who want to schedule an interview. They should understand that this is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make about your child's future and that you want to ensure that it's the right decision. Make a list of questions before the interview so you don't forget anything. Don't be afraid to ask them as many questions as it takes for you to feel satisfied. If they won't take the time to sit down and talk with you, though, that's a potential red flag and you might want to consider disqualifying them from your list completely.

Choosing a pediatrician isn't an easy task. In fact, it might be one of the most difficult decisions you'll make about your child's health. But following these suggestions can make the entire process feel less overwhelming and help lead you to the right person for the job. Don't be afraid to take as much time as you need to in order to make the right decision. And don't be afraid to reevaluate your decision if red flags occur during your toddler's childhood. A dad's instinct is unmistakable and you should listen to it at all times.

Check out our post especially for new dads.

How to Survive the First Day of Daycare

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:44:28 -0700

Few things hurt a dad's heart more than dropping a toddler off at day care for the first time and watching them bawl their eyes out as you leave. The look on their face almost makes you want to run back and hold them until they stop crying. But that's the last thing you want to do if you want to encourage your toddler to feel comfortable about you leaving. By following these tips, you can learn how to deal with dropping your toddler off in a way that is productive for both of you. After a few days, they might not even want you to come pick them up at the end of the day!

Don't let your toddler see you sweat - Children are extremely perceptive. Sometimes, they can be too perceptive. If they see you shed a tear (yes, dads shed tears, too) or if they see anxiety in your face when you drop them off at daycare, they are going to feel the same way. But if you can make yourself calm and have a happy face when you drop them off, they will likely be more comfortable about you leaving. When you get back to your car and out of sight, you can let the waterworks flow as much as you want. Just don't let your toddler see it.
Misery loves company - One thing that will help your toddler feel better about being dropped off at daycare is having one of their friends along for the ride. If there are toddlers in your neighborhood that are going to the same daycare, try to coordinate with their parents to drop off your toddlers at the same time. When children have a friend next to them, the experience will be more fun for them. This will also help you to have another dad alongside, especially if you're both dropping your toddlers off for the first time. It's amazing how many similarities there are between toddlers and adults, isn't it?
Bring along a comfort or security item - A special teddy bear or security blanket might help your toddler feel better about being away from mommy and daddy. It gives them something familiar in a sea of unfamiliarity and new things. And since toddlers often transfer the feelings they have for their parents to one of these items, they typically feel much more comfortable when their parents are no longer in their sight.
Don't be ashamed for being upset - As a dad, there's nothing wrong with being upset when you drop your toddler off for the first time. These feelings might even last for the for first couple weeks. But you will get over it and feel comfortable with the situation over time. Continue to be strong and calm. Before you know it, you might even look forward to the time when you can drop your toddler off at daycare each day.
Prepare your toddler beforehand - If your toddler knows what to expect, they might not be filled with anxiety when you drop them off. You can even get your toddler excited about their first day of daycare by driving by the building and showing it to them the day before. Take them shopping for fun school supplies and clothes that same day, too. Also, talk about how daycare is for "big boys" or "big girls" so they feel like they're growing up. Even though we don't want them to grow up any sooner than they have to, that's the first thing on their list of priorities.
Go to the open house or orientation - Many daycare facilities will have an orientation or open house for first-timers. Dads can bring their toddlers for a tour and they can meet the daycare providers as well. This gives the entire family more familiarity with what happens at the facility. When the setting isn't so new, your toddler won't feel as threatened or sad when you leave.

There's nothing wrong with feeling sad about dropping your toddler off at daycare for the first time. But there are some things you can do to lessen the emotions you and your toddler feel when that time comes. The best way is to prepare your toddler because the more they cry, the more you're going to cry or show anxiety. The most important thing to remember, though, is that these feelings are normal and they will pass. It just takes some time.

How to Eat Out with Your Toddler Without Defiling Your Family Name

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:41:58 -0700

If you've taken your toddler to your favorite restaurant and you can still show your face there, you've really accomplished something. But there's a good chance that you're still trying to master the art of taking your toddler out in public without getting embarrassed or creating havoc for those around you.

Unfortunately, there's no "cure" to ensure that your children will behave when others are around. They simply don't have the same social awareness that we have as adults. There are some things you can do, however, to instill good manners and acceptable social skills into your young child so you won't dread the next time you decide to go out to eat.

Start practicing at home - The best way to teach your toddler how to eat at restaurants is to teach them proper manners at home. You should already be teaching them table manners, but it helps to actually discuss those manners before going to a restaurant so they know what's expected. Practice eating in public by gathering around the table and turning the TV off. When you toddler is used to acting properly at home, it will just be second nature to them when you take them out in public.
Bring something along to entertain them - As adults, we're typically satisfied with good conversation and a few laughs. But toddlers aren't like that. They don't want to hear about what your boss said to you at the office or your thoughts on the latest political news. Bring your toddler's favorite coloring book, a few crayons and a couple other things they enjoy doing quietly. You can even have a small tote bag prepared at all times for when you go out to dinner. You can even have your toddler decorate it and fill it with things they enjoy.
Go to family-friendly restaurants - If you've ever seen the episode of "The Cosby Show" where Cliff takes Rudy and her friends to a high-class restaurant, you probably realize the futility in trying to introduce "culture" to your toddlers. Instead of taking your toddler to a place that serves wine and caviar, stick to family-friendly places. Many places have menus specifically geared towards children with fun foods and fun names. They also have booster chairs and their staff is more equipped to cater to families with young children.
Have a snack before going out to eat - A snack before dinner doesn't mean having a "pre-dinner Whopper," but a few crackers or some other small snack will help prevent your toddler from whining while waiting for the food to be served. You can also bring a little something to the restaurant with you so your toddler has something to munch on while waiting for their food. Just make sure it's not something big enough to ruin their appetite or else you'll have to listen to them whine through your entire meal.
Guide your toddler toward a food they will like - Kids typically have no idea how to order at a restaurant. They know what they get at home or in their Happy Meals at McDonald's, but they might not know what a BLT is at a restaurant. Explain to them some of the different menu items and let them make the decision. As long as it's reasonable, allow them to order whatever they like.
Go during normal mealtimes - If your family usually sits down to dinner at 5:00, go to the restaurant around the same time. Toddlers typically stick to routines and schedules. Even if they don't know what time it is, their body will start getting hungry around the normal mealtime.
Look for distractions - Ask the host or hostess if you can be seated near a window. This gives your toddler a distraction instead of getting bored. They can watch all the cars going by or the other activities going on outside. If the restaurant offers outdoor seating, your toddler might even enjoy that, too.
Appreciate your server - Being a waiter or waitress isn't an easy job. But this job becomes even more difficult when toddlers are introduced into the situation. Some servers work very well with children and make them feel like a part of the experience. Make sure you tip your server well if they have provided good service. If your toddler has made a mess, have respect for the server and clean it up as best you can. You'd appreciate the same type of consideration if the situation were reversed.

Despite popular belief, taking your toddler out for an enjoyable meal at a restaurant is within the realm of possibility. In fact, it's an essential part of growing up. It teaches toddlers how to act in public and how to show their manners. With a few preparation techniques and some thought, dining can be just as enjoyable as dining in.

How to Teach Your Toddler to "Come Here" When You Say "Come Here"

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:39:05 -0700

As a huge fan of "The Cosby Show," I'm reminded of the scene in the first episode where Cliff (Bill Cosby) tells Rudy, his youngest daughter on the show, to "come here" and she insists on staying where she's at. This is definitely an instance in which art imitates life. If you have a toddler, you've probably experienced this situation yourself more than once. If you don't want that to keep happening, here are some ways you can convince your toddler to "come here" and listen to your other commands with only a minimal amount of fuss on their part and yours.

Be clear - Sometimes our young children don't listen to us because our instructions aren't clear. We might think we're being clear, but we have to remember they have a different language than we do.
Say things with a firm tone without yelling - When you sound like you mean business, you toddler is more likely to listen and do what you say. There is a point, however, at which your tone could scare your toddler. So when you say "come here" in a scary voice, they might be more afraid to do what you say instead of simply staying away. There's a fine line, but mastering that difference could save you a great deal of frustration.
Avoid threatening statements - How many times have you said something like, "If I catch you doing that one more time..." or "What's your problem?" Statements like these cause children to tune out and stop listening. It even belittles them and makes them feel stupid. Instead, use phrases like, "Please don't do that" or "You know that's against our rules." Speaking in a calm and rational manner will keep their attention longer and make them think about what they are doing.
Speak in short statements - Just like adults, children will stop listening the minute it sounds like they're being lectured. That's why it's important to get your point across in the fewest number of words possible while still being clear. This will probably take some practice, but it's an essential quality to keep your toddler's attention when you need it.
Explain the consequences of their actions - If your child refuses to do what you say, explain the consequences of not listening. Whether it's a punishment or something that affects their health, be sure they understand what will happen if they ignore you. Sometimes they simply don't listen because they don't know that something negative will happen otherwise.
Command respect - Many dads want to be their toddler's friend instead of their parent. They don't want to be hated by their toddler. But this causes young children to lose respect for you as a dad. While it's important to respect your toddler's thoughts, feelings and emotions, it's also important to be firm and command respect from them. After all, you are their most prominent authority figure. If they don't learn to respect you, who will they respect?
Stoop down to their level - Toddlers are much more likely to listen to you when you look them in the eyes. Depending on how old you are, it might be difficult to squat or kneel down to their level. If it helps, you can place them on a step or sit them on a counter so you're face-to-face.
Keep your word - If you have a habit of breaking promises, why should your toddler believe you when you make a promise just so they'll listen to you? If you make a compromise or make a deal with your toddler, stick to it. Otherwise, they'll simply do what they want to do because your promise has lost its weight and negotiating power with them.

Teaching your child to "come here" and do other things you say can be difficult at times. But sometimes, the problem comes from our end. To keep these problems to a minimum, it's essential to learn how to communicate effective with your toddler at their level and in ways that they understand. It isn't as hard as you think if you can just put yourself in their situation.

How to Help Your Toddler to Share

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:18:28 -0700

It's not easy to share. Even as adults, we don't like to let other people use our stuff because they might put a scratch in it or mess it up somehow. It seems like the older we get, the more of a "mine" mentality we have. But toddlers are continuously in situations where they need to share with others in order to be a productive participant in their surroundings - classrooms, play dates, playgrounds, etc. Without sharing, massive fights erupt between angry toddlers. To avoid this with your child, take these tips and suggestions so your toddler is more open to sharing with others.

It takes a sharer to make a sharer - In order to teach your toddler to share, you have to share as well. Children learn many of their social skills by watching the dads. Be an example by sharing with others, especially when your toddlers are watching. You can reinforce the behavior by playing with them and sharing their toys. Take turns with the toys and have them repeat the word "share" as you pass the toys back and forth. All of this might go down the drain, however, if your child has older siblings. Try to get them to share around your toddler, too.
Teach sharing words - Repeating things like "take turns" and "may I" instills a sense of sharing in your child. By teaching them these types of words, they'll begin to use them when they are playing with others.
Think like a child - It's not in a toddler's natural behavior to share their things. They don't usually have a sense of what happens in a few minutes, they only see what's happening now. When another toddler is playing with their toy, they don't understand that they can play with it afterwards. That's why it seems so hard to teach a toddler to share. Instead of getting mad, try to take this into consideration and be understanding towards your toddler. That's a more productive attitude than punishing them.
Patience, patience, patience - When dealing with toddlers, patience is the most important virtue you can possess. But they can really test your patience when it comes to teaching them how to share. If you can keep up the good fight, though, they will eventually learn the concept and it will become second nature to them. Just don't give up or get frustrated.
Use positive reinforcement positively - Toddlers respond much better to positive reinforcement than negative reinforcement. This simply means that you praise them or reward them when they do something good instead of just punishing them when they do something bad. Young children crave attention and, much like radical political leaders, they'll get it "by any means necessary." Be sure to give them attention when they do something good or else they'll definitely get your attention by doing something bad. In fact, punishing them for not sharing may even reinforce the negative behavior, so be careful about that.
Loved children tend to share more - Much like positive reinforcement, giving your child attention often leads to more sharing. The more loved they feel, the more likely they are to share with others. Children who have issues about not feeling loved tend to feel more insecure and hold on to inanimate things that they enjoy.
Teach reciprocation - How many times have you complained about doing things for others without receiving reciprocation? Toddlers are the same way with their toys. One good way to teach your toddler to share is to tell them that others won't share their toys with kids who refuse to share. When your toddler sees that the other kids have better toys, they'll be more than happy to share just so they can get their hands on more toys.
Allow a tad bit of greediness - We all have things we don't want others to touch. Your mom has her good china that she only brings every fourth Thanksgiving. You might have a Mickey Mantle signed baseball that nobody can ever touch. Allow your toddler to hide a few of their favorite toys when they have friends over. It's okay to be greedy with a couple things as long as they're willing to share everything else.
Find sharing videos - Some toddlers learn a great deal from watching videos. Learning to share is no different. The Care Bears are known for their sharing. In fact, there is even one bear named Share Bear. Other shows that promote these types of behavior are Sesame Street, Barney and others. Don't be afraid to let the video take over when your toddler won't listen to you.

Sharing is a part of growing up. As adults, we might even have an ulterior motive for sharing our things. We might be setting someone up to do a favor for us or we might even share to get a pretty girl's attention. But teaching toddlers to share as a way of life is essential to their development and social skills. If you can't drill it into their brain as a toddler, though, don't worry. Most children outgrow it when they can see the benefits they'll reap as a result of sharing.