Savvy Daddy - For super dads everywhere

How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

tony — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 10:25:59 -0700

okay, sort of an embarrassing question... my tot still hangs out in the bathroom with me while I shower and get ready for work everyday. When should I kicking him out? Is it different for girls vs. boys?

How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:28:50 -0700

Nothing can ruin a romantic evening in the bedroom faster than your toddler running in and wanting to sleep between the two of you. If you're lucky, this behavior only happens occasionally during thunderstorms or other frightening events. Some toddlers, however, simply want to sleep with mommy and daddy as often as they'll allow it. There are some ways you can train your toddler to sleep in their own bed throughout the night if you have some patience and determination.

Recognize why your toddler wants to sleep with you - There are several reasons your toddler might want to sleep with you. Different reasons may have different ways of dealing with them. Some nights, they might feel like they're missing out on something and they want to be involved with all the "happenings." Other toddlers might be afraid of the dark or they might just have a case of severe separation anxiety. Once you can determine the cause, you're halfway to solving the problem.
Create a transitional object for your toddler - Young children tend to internalize their comfortable feelings toward their parents by transferring it to an inanimate object. Blankets, teddy bears and other objects help young toddlers feel secure during the night and in their own bedroom.
Help your toddler create an imaginary friend - It might sound silly to you, but imaginary friends provide a sense of comfort and security. Act like you're tucking your toddler's imaginary friend in at night and pretend it's a real person. If your toddler gets scared during the night, they can look to their "friend" so they won't feel so alone.
Have a consistent bedtime - Children need boundaries and schedules. Allowing your toddler to go to bed at 10 P.M. one night and then 8 P.M. the next night only confuses them and it doesn't offer the strict scheduling they need. Make sure you put them to bed around the same time every night unless there is a special occasion that prevents that from happening.
Use positive reinforcement - Toddlers are suckers for small rewards. If you have a problem keeping your toddler in bed all night, make a chart for them and give them a sticker for each night they sleep in their bedroom throughout the night. If an entire night is too much to do right away, give a sticker for every hour they stay in their bedroom. After a few nights, give them a bigger reward like a toy or something they enjoy.
Gradually increase away time - You might hear your toddler crying because they want to sleep with mommy and daddy. But giving in to their cries will only make the problem worse. Instead, go in their bedroom every two minutes to calm them down. If they keep it up, go in at five-minute intervals. Gradually increase the time until they stop crying and they have gone to sleep.
Don't reinforce their behavior - Many times when a toddler crawls into bed with their parents, they are simply looking for attention. By talking to them, you give them the attention they crave. Instead of yelling or scolding your toddler, simply carry them back to their bed, tuck them back in and leave the room. Do this as many times as necessary until the toddler learns to stay in their bedroom.
Kill the monsters before bedtime - There's a story about Vince McMahon, owner of the World Wrestling Entertainment Corporation. When his son or daughter was afraid of the "monsters" in the closet during the night, Vince would walk in the closet and "beat up the monsters" inside. He'd then walk out and tell his toddlers that those monsters won't be bothering them anymore. Other parents have sprayed air freshener in the room and called it "Monster-Away" to give the impression that the monsters will stay away for the night.
Get a bed with boundaries - One reason toddlers crawl out of bed is because they don't have any visible boundaries reminding them to stay in bed. As a result, they follow their impulses and leave their bed anytime they want to. Find a small bed with rails or something similar and age-appropriate to help teach your toddler to stay in their beds throughout the night.

Once you teach you toddler to sleep in their own bedroom throughout the night, you can enjoy a sense of normalcy in your bedroom. It will do wonders for your relationship because you can once again enjoy the privacy and intimacy you once had. Training your toddler takes both patience and dedication from both parents. On the other hand, you can wait until they outgrow the habit when they reach their preteen years. Which option would you prefer?

How to Deal with an Unreasonable Spouse

tony — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 18:45:10 -0700

You may - occasionally - feel like your wife is being a little unreasonable. It's bound to happen in a relationship; men and women are doomed to be at odds with each other by their very nature. The things that you want in your life are implicitly different from the things she wants in hers. You want video games, sports, poker night: she wants romantic movie nights and window curtain treatments. We can both seem unreasonable in our desires to the opposite sex, especially when surrounded by the stress that accompanies our jobs as parents and providers.

Some people, of course, are more unreasonable than others. There are many reasons for irrationality, but most are simply wired that way. In relationships, spouses with bi-polar disorder, antisocial personality disorder and other types of mood disorders can seem extremely unreasonable to an otherwise mentally healthy partner. If the spouse doesn't have a history of mental health issues, it is impossible to know whether there's something larger at work behind the irrational behavior.

Not everyone who makes unreasonable demands is mentally impaired, though. Sometimes your wife is just under the influence of other certain feminine factors that, say, impair her judgment in some way or another. At times, women who are experiencing this phenomena tend to make sometimes angry and irrational demands. They may want you to change your behavior suddenly, or they may expect that you understand their condition and prejudge their moods before speaking.

Men are not exempt, however; we have our moments. Expecting the wife to keep the entire house clean while she juggles the kids and a full-time job and after-school activities, all so you can play video games? That's unreasonable. Being indignant toward her for trying to take away your free time or your youth? That's unreasonable.

In a nut shell, we can all be pretty selfish human beings. We all have to deal with unreasonable people, and we all fall victim to being irrational, ourselves. Here are some tips to help you through the mire:

When dealing with unreasonable people:

Resist the urge to fight back - Irrational people thrive on conflict. They create tense, confrontational situations for any number of reasons: to shift blame, to validate paranoid beliefs or to avoid revealing other emotions. They are also generally very good at arguing. When your wife turns to you randomly and attacks you for something ridiculous, your instinct will be to fight back with logic. You will inevitably lose the battle, though, because irrational people don't operate based on logic. Instead, you should:
Remain cool and calm, but be assertive - If your wife demands something unreasonable of you, she is obviously setting you up for a failure she can later criticize you for. Rather than just going along with her demands, however, try another tactic. Allow her to finish speaking, and then calmly ask her what she is upset about. Offer to help fix the problem. If she insults you, calmly explain that you're willing to fix the situation, but you won't be insulted. Be unbelievably reasonable, and stick to your guns.

See here and here for a few more tips on dealing with an irrational person.

When you find yourself being unreasonable:

Stop and take a breath - Emotions are powerful things, and they can often sweep us up and carry us away. If your argument with your wife has gone into the red zone, step back and take a breather. Consider the situation. Is she being unreasonable, or are you maybe being a little outlandish, as well? What kind of demands are you making of her? Consider the reason for the argument. Did you start it, and if so was it worth the screaming? Being angry over something legitimate is one thing, but starting a fight just so you can fight with your wife is unhealthy. Think about what you're doing before you head back into the fray.
Don't get personal - Arguing with your spouse once in a while is perfectly healthy. Everyone has different viewpoints, and sometimes those perspectives collide. Share opinions, question motives, make observations - just don't get personal. You are an adult, and you're having an adult conversation. Name-calling is not an effective argumentation method, and it will do nothing to improve your defense. If you feel like you're headed down that path, take a minute and consider the previous tip.

Even the sanest among us can be a little unreasonable sometimes. It's part of life, and it's something we all have to deal with. There's no point in letting it harm our relationships, though, and we should all be aware of how to handle an irrational situation, no matter which side of the coin you're on.

Being Jon Gosselin

wonkitime — Fri, 15 May 2009 11:15:35 -0700

By Won Kim

Unless you stopped watching TV, surfing the Internet and buying food at the grocery store, you must have heard/read/seen the rumors surrounding the marriage of Jon and Kate Gosselin, who of course are the stars of the hit reality show, Jon & Kate Plus 8.

Just in case, let me give you some quick updates, Twitter style (and if you haven't heard of Twitter yet, well, never mind):

-       Jon & Kate through the miracle of fertility treatments had twins and then sextuplets.
-       TLC (The Learning Channel) decided to showcase a reality show about their family of 10. It is without question, TLC's most successful show.
-       Recently, Jon was seen leaving a bar with another woman. Both deny wrongdoing, Kate believes Jon, but tabloids have tarnished Jon's image.
-       Even more recently, gossip magazines have begun rumors about Kate's own infidelity.
-       Now there are rumors about their marriage crumbling ... all this in time for the start of the new season on May 25^th.

Some say it's good publicity, but even the smartest TV suits know that short-term ratings don't equal long-term success. Ted Harbert, CEO of the Comcast Entertainment Group, was quoted on www.thedailybeast.com, saying, "Most of the time I'd say that's good publicity. For this show, I'd say it's a problem."

More than the show's success or failure, my thoughts are on the 8 kids, the marriage and even Jon's example as a father. With more than 4 million viewers tuning in to watch last season's finale, like it or not, this show has far-reaching impact on parents. Even on the SavvyDaddy website, "Jon & Kate" has consistently been one of the top search words. One forum post has 100+ comments.

Unlike a gossip column or an entertainment magazine, I'm not going to speculate about their rumored extramarital affairs. Instead, I'm going to wonder aloud what it would be like to be Jon ... starting from the very beginning.

Like Jon, I would want to have kids with my wife, but having been unsuccessful I would turn to fertility treatments. Ecstatic to have twins, my wife and I would put all our energy into raising these beautiful girls. Then somewhere around year two of being parents, we would wonder what it would be like to have one more child. So we try one more time, knowing it would be our last. To our surprise (and overwhelming fear), the fertility treatment performs better than we could ever have imagined and WOAH, there are six growing lives in my wife's belly.

Once that sinks in, there is anxiety as heavy as the Titanic. How in the world will we raise six new babies? Plus the twins and my wife and I, that's 10 mouths to feed. Eight college tuitions, two more mini-vans, thousands of diapers, tons of formula and just one-working income. How are we going to pull this off? And like the Titanic, I am sinking.

Then almost miraculously, a small, under-the-radar cable channel wants to take a chance on us. We'll get paid some nice dough per episode, receive a stipend to move into a bigger place (so that it's presentable to the viewers) and companies will send us tons of free products for ad placement during the tapings. Sure, our lives will be made public, but it beats being broke, in debt and continually anxious ... right? The tradeoff seems obvious.

Fast-forward a few years. I can't even step into a McDonald's without a handful of middle-aged women (and men) clamoring to talk to me. My wife and I have our private moments, but usually we're so busy with the kids, preparing for the show and trying to stay out of the limelight that we just forgot what it felt like to be alone again. I can't remember the last time I was dreaming about kids, our future and our lives together. The whirlwind of fame and nonstop activities made us almost numb.

Suddenly, maybe for the first time since we got married, my wife and I are evaluating our marriage, our identity and the future of our kids. The cameras are still here (but we're used to that by now), but there are vindictive character statements being said about us in public. This is one of those fork-in-the-road moments. It feels like forever ago, but there was a time when I doubted we could make it. When my wife was pregnant with our 3^rd, 4^th, 5^th, 6^th, 7^th and 8^th child in her belly, my mind told me to run away. There was no way we could make this work, I thought. But as chance or fate often does, it presents an opportunity to step up. I didn't run. I became a father of 8.

There may be 4 million people who watch me every week, but I can never forget that there are 8 people (well, 9 counting my wife) who watch me with the most attentive eyes. The decisions I make will be quickly forgotten by the 4 million people around the world, but to 8 little ones, it will dramatically impact the rest of their lives. This is when a person really shines.

Jon Gosselin, I have no idea what you're going through. I can only speculate just as every blog and magazine is doing. But one thing I do understand is that every dad wrestles with the fact that every decision he makes is not isolated unto himself ... there are others involved. You just happen to have a lot more others. Personally, I'm hoping the TV show, the fame, the money and everything else takes a backseat to your family.

Recall that time you and Kate decided to try for kids. It wasn't about the viewers, the timeslot or having your face on TV. It was about wanting to be a great husband and a wonderful father. I think we can all relate to that.

Introduction

mefox1974 — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:25:01 -0700

My name is Max Fox, and I am new to this site. I am been looking for a long time for a site for dads. My wife is a member of a site for moms called Mommy's source. I have felt kind of left out. I didn't have a site to go to for advice. I look forward to meeting a lot of you.
Max

How to Decide on This Whole Spanking Thing

tony — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 18:07:06 -0800

To spank or not to spank? It's perhaps the most controversial and emotional debate in parenting. And like all great debates, the data is inconclusive and the experts are split, so the argument dissolves into a battle of contrasting interpretations, and conflicting emotions and beliefs. To help you sort out your position, below are some of the often-cited studies and common arguments for and against spanking as a form of discipline.

Anti-Spanking
Anti-Spanking Arguments

Spanking is morally and ethically wrong. Even if data says spanking helps discipline kids, it's just not ok to hit people. We wouldn't allow bosses to start spanking their employees even if data showed that it improved employees' performance.
Spanking teaches that violence is acceptable.
Spanking is an ineffective method of discipline.
Spanking causes behavioral problems in children.
Spanking teaches that good reasoning is less important than physical power.
Spanking has been discouraged by many respected organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, the Canadian Pediatric Society, and the American Psychological Association.
Spanking has been outlawed in many developed countries, including Japan, New Zealand, and over a dozen countries in Europe.

Anti-Spanking Data

A history of being spanked has been linked with higher incidents of mental health problems.
A history of being spanked has been linked with higher incidents of drug and alcohol abuse.
A history of being spanked has been linked with higher incidents of violence.
A history of being spanked has been linked with higher incidents of spousal abuse.
Studies show that there are non-violent disciplinary methods that are as effective as spanking to immediately stop an undesirable behavior.
Studies show that there are non-violent disciplinary methods that are more effective at reducing certain behavioral problems over time.

Anti-Spanking Summary: Most experts agree that the data on spanking is not conclusive. Even so, people who oppose spanking argue that, like the relationship between tobacco and cancer, even without an iron-clad study the data shows clear trends overall. Given the significant chance that spanking could cause problems, the ethical questions surrounding spanking, and the equally effective non-violent methods, it seems that spanking has no upside and a likely downside.

Pro-Spanking
Pro-Spanking Arguments

Spanking makes kids behave better. There is less spanking today, and that is in part responsible for increased modern problems like violence and crime.
Spanking has a long tradition as an effective form of discipline. Spanking is used by most Americans today, and it has been practiced throughout history.
Spanking associates a behavior with pain, which leaves a more visceral and lasting impression. An immediate slap on the rear if a kid runs into the street will cement into the child's head that running into the street is really unpleasant. A time out and a talk about why streets are dangerous would not have as profound an effect.
Spanking becomes the looming threat that makes words and reasoning more effective.
Spanking instills a sense of authority. You have to listen to your parents not because they have good reasoning but because they are your parents.

Pro-Spanking Data

The anti-spanking data is inconclusive because its findings fail to account for socioeconomic status. That is, certain populations might spank more and also have higher rates of alcoholism and violence. That doesn't mean that spanking caused the violence or alcohol-it only means that violence, alcohol, and spanking exist in the same community.
The anti-spanking data is inconclusive because it does not account for the amount and method of spanking. A slap on the butt one time when your kid runs into a street is different from spanking your kid as the primary method of discipline. Most of the studies put both kids in the same category, and then draw conclusions based on the category as a whole. Some minimal spanking level, however, could be effective and cause no problems, but these studies would not pick that up.
The anti-spanking data is inconclusive because parents may resort to spanking with kids who have serious behavioral problems once words, reasoning, and time outs have failed. Those kids will likely have more violence, anti-social behavior, and mental health problems later in life because of their behavior problems, not because they were spanked.
Studies that control for some of these factors show that children who are spanked are not more violent than children who are not spanked.
Since Sweden banned spanking in 1979, teenage violence has gone up by 600%.
A review of studies by Robert E. Larzelere, a major researcher on discipline, concludes that spanking can be an effective technique in very specific circumstances. He found that for spanking to be effective it must be "2 open-handed swats to the buttocks, leaving no bruise," used only 1) by loving parents; 2) infrequently; 3) as a minor supplement to the primary techniques of reasoning and time outs; and 4) only on kids aged 2-6.

Pro-Spanking Summary: Most spanking defenders argue that the data against spanking is not at all compelling, so there is simply no reason to give up an effective form of discipline that has a long, successful history. Spanking is extremely useful if done carefully, infrequently, and as a minor part of a parent's overall disciplinary approach.

Conclusions
Both sides agree that spanking can cause harm to children and should not be used if it is frequent, physically harmful, performed in anger or frustration, or used on children under the age of 2 or 3. The camps are only divided on the limited question of whether current data or ethics support infrequent spanking as an acceptable disciplinary method in limited circumstances. Because the data is not clear and the experts and public disagree, there is no easy answer. It's a decision that parents must make for themselves after considering the facts, the arguments, their culture, and their own beliefs and values. No expert or article can make this important decision for you.

Other Links
John Rosemond, often considered the great spanking advocate

How to Help Your Toddler Overcome Separation Anxiety

tony — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 18:55:01 -0800

One of the hardest things to do as a new dad is to watch your toddler cry as you drop them off at preschool. You know they think you're abandoning them and the vision of their teary eyes and outstretched hands just breaks your heart. It makes you never want to leave them anywhere ever again. Fortunately, though, there are some ways that you can help your toddler deal with this separation anxiety in a productive manner. Following are some "do's" and "don't's" you can do to help your toddler (and you) feel more comfortable when you have to be apart.

Understand why separation anxiety happens. The best thing you can do to minimize the discomfort of separation anxiety is to understand why it happens. At around six months old, infants realize that you still exist even if they can't see you. As they get older, they want to become more independent, but they still need you. Most toddlers grow out of this by age three, but some continue to have this feeling for a couple years afterwards.
Don't disappear. As a parent, it might be harder on you to watch your toddler cry than it is to simply slip out the door when they're not looking. But this is exactly one of the reasons that many toddlers have a problem with you leaving. Instead of pulling a Houdini, give them a hug and wave bye-bye to your toddler as you leave. This way, they know you are leaving instead of being surprised when you're suddenly not there. If you just disappear on them, they'll never want to let you out of their sight because they'll never know if you're going to leave or not.
Do show strength and maturity. If you don't show that you are comfortable leaving your toddler, how are they supposed to feel comfortable about it? They look to you for emotional support. But if you are crying or looking apprehensive about leaving, that's going to make them feel even more anxious about being separated. As tough as it might be, look calm and stay positive when you're getting ready to leave. It'll help your child feel more comfortable.
Don't make your first separation a long one. Making your first separation from your toddler an extended one could be trouble in the future. Every time you leave after that, they will think you're going to be gone for a long time. If you know you're going to take a trip or leave for an extended period of time, prepare your toddler by "working up" to that long period with shorter periods of separation.
Do talk to your child about being separated. Communicate with your toddler about leaving. While they might not have a large vocabulary, they still understand more than you might think they do. Tell them about the separation ahead of time so they know what to expect. Tell them where you plan on going and how long you'll be gone. The more details they have, the more accepting they will be of the experience. Also, get them excited about the separation by telling them how much fun they're going to have with the babysitter while you're gone. Be enthusiastic about leaving and your toddler will be excited as well.
Do allow the toddler to be the one to leave first. When you're planning a night out with your wife or friends, ask the babysitter to arrive early so they can take your toddler somewhere first. When your toddler is the one leaving the house, they generally feel less separation anxiety than if you are the one leaving the house.
Do develop a routine when leaving. Young children thrive on routines and repetition. That's why it's so important to develop a routine when you leave. Giving them a great big hug or kissing them on the forehead is a simple routine that only takes seconds, but it can work wonders in making them feel more comfortable about being separated. Do something that makes them smile, too. Most parents say something like, "See you later, alligator," while the toddler responds, "After awhile, crocodile." It might seem simple and corny, but it works.
Don't leave on a bad note. The absolute last thing you should do is leave your child after yelling at them or scolding them. Help them associate leaving with comfortable thoughts. Even if they are crying and clinging to your leg, counter that with hugs and smiles. And when you come back, make that just as pleasant.

There is no trick to avoiding separation anxiety with toddlers. Some will experience it more than others. You might even get lucky and have a toddler that looks forward to being away from you at times. As with any new experience with your children, though, communication is one of the best ways to help them learn how to deal with situations productively. Unfortunately, this is one of those things that is hard on both the toddlers and the parents.

Activities for Toddlers and Young Children

tony — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 21:34:22 -0700

Open thread for activity ideas, links, resources for younger kids.

I'll kick it off with a few links we've run across, but feel free to add your ideas. The best ideas I love to hear are tried and true from the frontlines...

Activities for Toddler Twins
1 and two year old activities

100 Ways to Keep Little Kids Happy: Pretend-Play Games
Activities and games for toddlers

Crafts for Toddlers and Preschoolers - Free Arts and Crafts Age Guidelines
Toddler and Preschooler Crafts

Rainy day activities for kids and dogs | SheKnows.com
For Kids and Dogs Younger kids- 1-5

DLTK's Printable Crafts for Kids
Lots of activities in different categories ages 2-5

Reading Is Fundamental | Reading Planet | Activity Lab
Activities for kids Ages 3+ Prinable coloring pages, online educational games, and online stories.

Crafts for Pre-K and Kindergarten - Free Arts and Crafts Age Guidelines
Pre-K and Kindergarten crafts

Coloring pages - Coloring Book
Tons of coloring pages themed on different animated characters.

Activity Ideas With Your Kids

Big Brother not taking kindly to the arrival of new little sister!

bj1712 — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 20:17:27 -0700

I sure hope someone can offer some advice on this one other than what I'm already trying. Just this past week my 17mo. old son became "big brother" to the newest member of our family, "sissy". Because of his age, we aren't sure how much he really understood that we were going to have a new member of the family. We explained that there was a baby in mommy's belly and he would put his head on her belly and saw "awww, bebe". How cute right? We figured he would just eat her up. Quite the contrary.
He wants absolutely nothing to do with her. Now I'm sure most of this is because of the break in his routine and hopefully he'll adjust as he gets used to the fact that when he comes home, it's no longer just him, Mommy, and Daddy. But, in the meantime his behavior is off the chart. This mild mannered, laid back little guy is lashing out as much as he can. He's become extremely destructive in his cry out for attention and won't go near little sister. We've tried helping him hold her but he just pushes her away. We hear him on the monitor from his bedroom in the morning and his first word of the day is "bebe". He's obviously concerned about it. So, Mommy and I have both tried giving him as much extra attention as possible to show him that he's still special. We aren't disciplining him about any of his behavior because we know it's frustration coming out. My heart is just breaking for him because I know he doesnt understand whats going on and trying to explain it doesnt get very far right now.

any thoughts on what else I can try?
experienced dads needed!!

Preparing for the Down Economy

tony — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 08:41:09 -0800

by Tony Chen

Here's what we have to look forward to in 2009: deepening recession, international political instability, lots of high-profile bankruptcies, and an estimated 1 million pink slips. All we can do is take a deep breathe and focus on what we can control. Here are 20 things we dads can do to prepare our families for the times ahead. Time to get in touch with your inner eagle scout.

The Work Front: No one is safe, right? Every week, I'm hearing about friends of all professions getting laid off. The experts that keep track of this stuff say 60% of companies plan on laying people off in 2009 (compared to ~50% in 2008).

Refresh the resume. There's plenty of resume advice out there, but the best thing I've ever done is to constantly refresh two versions of my resume -- my one-pager and my everything-I've-ever-done-resume. No one sees the latter except me, but it helps me document everything I've ever done. Then I can easily emphasize different parts of my experience on my resume for different job searches. Cataloging everything regularly helps me remember all the things I did.
Network - Everyone knows to do this, but you can be in the 5% of folks who actually follow through. Make a list of 5 people to reconnect with in the next month and go meet up with them for lunch, coffee, or a quick "happy new year, how are you?" call. As of late, I've been meeting a ton of people through my LinkedIn profile - there are a lot more friend of friends that have common career, professional, and project interests than I would think. A LOT more.
Tidy up Your Online Persona Speaking of LinkedIn, this profile is your online resume, your professional homepage. Take some time set up your profile and maybe get some former colleagues to write you a glowing recommendation. Especially if there are er... new years party pictures of you on Google searches, this is a good way to move that stuff lower and out of sight from potential employers googling you. If that doesn't work, change your name to "John Smith" and you'll be covered.
Surf the job boards, even if you're completely happy with your job and not looking. I've found some good companies, salary information, job opportunities by casually surfing and saving all of it for a rainy day. Sure, the position would be filled by then, but you'll have a better sense of what the next steps might be when you're ready to make your move.
Become indispensable. Oh, I mean, less dispensable. In your current role, are there new projects to volunteer for, areas you see that could be improved, customers that you can win back? One rule of thumb: the closer you are to the customer (and the revenue), the better.
Learn a new skill. You're a waiter? learn how to roller skate. You're a financial analyst? Become an expert on financial software packages. You're a salesperson? Pick up some accounting. Too boring? Then, learn something you love, regardless of how "marketable" it is. It's fun, and experts and neurologists agree that it keeps your mind sharp and more creative. Hey, someone has to play the accordian.
Don't go negative. This is the best way to get fired. Be a pain at work. Complain. Talk negatively about co-workers. It's obvious, but how many of us immediately think of someone in our office right now who's fueling their own good-bye?
Get certified. Get a certification for your industry and/or your functional expertise. It's usually just a matter of attending some seminars (see #2 above) and taking a test. For me, I've gotten to know some great people that have led to lots of project, professional, and job leads. Being certified, as cheesy as it may be, is a great thing to have in common.
Take this tough time as an opportunity. If you're running a small business, this may be the perfect time for recruiting some great talent (lots out there right now!), going back to the basics, and rethinking your business.

The Money Front

Fluff up the cushion. Most financial experts say we should have an emergency fund that would cover 3-6 months of expenses. Whether you're in debt or all saved up, now would be a great time to beef it up and grow it to 12 months. 2.3 million people have been unemployed for more than a year. Such are the times.
Cut the fluff, i.e. all unnecessary expenses. BankRate has a great article with 100 ways to save money. WSJ lists 7 small buys that provide major returns. A few bucks a day adds up pretty quickly.
Get your money into an internet bank. One reason: higher interest rates. ING or Emigrant. These companies don't have to pay rent for physical bank locations and can pass that savings onto you.
Refinance. Rates are down and will probably go down some more. There are plenty of good brokers out there who will waive the fee, so you can basically refinance by just spending an hour signing papers. 30-year loans will probably go down to 5%. If you don't own a home, it's a buyer's market.
Invest. Maybe this is a good time to make some investment in beaten down stocks. Fortune has featured 10 stocks to buy right now. And specifically, maybe this is a good time to add an additional plug of money into junior's 529 plan. Short-term volatility doesn't matter, as we won't be touching that money for 15 years.
Find ways to pick up some extra cash. Any freelancing gigs? Part-time/weekend gigs? Is it time to sell off those baseball cards or those books from your disheveled, dusty bookcase? Time for some ebay and amazon selling.

The Family Front: In times like this, some experts say to forget about work/life balance. Maybe that's okay for a time, but "maybe next week, junior" turns into next month and then next year pretty quickly.

Teach in this teachable moment. They won't fully understand, but it's good for them to know that it's not just up, up, and up. Maybe this is also a good time to bring them down to the local soup kitchen to volunteer. They'll see with their own eyes that happiness in life doesn't have to be tied to what's going on financially and materially. I sometimes wonder why I've seen so much more deeply-rooted joy in kids I've met in Haiti, Native America tribes, and China, versus here in America?
Head to the library. Family time doesn't have to be expensive. And yes, libraries are making a wicked comeback.
Talk to your wife about the contingency plan. If you got laid off, obviously you would get really stressed, depressed, demotivated, and lost. Money, family, house, kids can sometimes hang in the balance - this is heavy stuff. Having an agreed-upon plan in hand will give everyone the motivation and purpose to keep on keeping on and to avoid a lot of resentment and anxiety.
Make exercise a family activity. In our constant go-go-go society, we are actually doing ourselves a disservice by not taking care of our bodies. Taking the time to sharpen the saw allows you to give your best to your family and work. Even if they don't realize it yet, our kids are watching how we handle this.
Take a savvy family vacation that won't break the bank. Check out this MSNBC article on 20 recession family travel rules. Now is always the best time to enjoy the family. Man, they grow up quick, don't they?

Are you ready to take on 2009? Would love to hear your ideas on how you and your family are preparing for the shaky times ahead.

How to Deal with Your Daughter's Hair (and why)

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:21:09 -0700

Most guys would rather do anything else than read about hair styling, but if you've got a daughter, hair can be an important issue. Hair is generally seen as a sign of beauty for females, and this is impressed upon girls at a very young age-whenever they get a new haircut or wear a cute barrette, everyone tells them how pretty they look, so they start caring about their hair pretty early on. Plus, girls usually wear their hair longer, so at a minimum, your daughter's hair needs to be brushed through and styled in a way that keeps it out of her face (and the fingerpaints). So before we get to the issue of styling, here are a few pointers on brushing and combing long hair.

Wet hair: Comb through her hair as soon as possible after you wash it (and use a comb, not a brush). Once the hair starts to air-dry, it's harder to comb out the tangles. For girls with thick or very long hair, avoid tears with using conditioner or some spray-on detangler-you can get it at most drugstores or kids' hair salons. Also, for thicker hair, a wide-tooth comb works best.
Dry hair: If you're facing a serious case of bedhead, you need to work through those tangles with care. Take a handful of hair and hold it at the top, near her scalp, then use a comb to pick through the snarls. (It may be tempting to just yank through the tangles, but that technique hurts. A lot.) When all the tangles are out, give her whole head a once-over with the comb or brush.

While a quick brush-through and a barrette are sometimes enough, especially when you're late for school, you will occasionally be called upon to perform a little more artistry. Here are a few basic hairstyles for little girls, from easiest to hardest, and how to create them. (Note: Be sure to use elastics made for use on hair-you can get small ones designed for kids. But NEVER use a regular rubber band, or it will take scissors to get it out.)
Ponytail: Scoop up all of her hair with one hand, and with the other, comb through the hair on the top and sides of her head to smooth it out. You can make a low ponytail at the back of her neck, a high ponytail up at the crown of her head, or something in between. Then wrap an elastic around the hair. Put a ribbon or scrunchie around the elastic if she wants to look fancy. Once you've mastered that, you can also do a partial ponytail, where you just use the hair on top of her head and pull it back.
Pigtails: Pigtails are just two ponytails, on either side of the head. Begin by parting the hair into two sections. You do this by taking a comb, placing the tip at the top of the back of her head, and drawing a straight line down to her neck; make sure the part is straight and centered. Wrap each section of hair in an elastic, a little bit behind the ear, at whatever height she likes. When you're done, look at her from the front to make sure the pigtails are at about the same place on each side.
Braids: Braiding seems hard at first, but after you've done it a few times, it gets easy-it's just a matter of getting the pattern down. Divide the hair into three even sections. Take the right section and cross it over the center section. Then take the left section and cross it over the center section (which was formerly the right section). Keep alternating, crossing the right and left sections over the center section, tightening the braid as you go until you're a couple inches from the end of the hair. Secure it with an elastic. Check out this video to see how it's done. You can also make braid pigtails, parting the hair as described above and braiding each section separately.
French braids: Don't even try this until you've got regular braiding down pat. French braiding is a little more difficult, and requires a degree of manual dexterity, but little girls just love to have their hair French braided because it looks so pretty. You start by gathering a small section of hair at the crown of her head, and dividing that section into three. Then criss-cross each side section over the center section as described above, but the trick is that before you cross a side section, you add a little more hair to that section. It's not easy at first, but it's also not as hard as it sounds-and probably easier to understand if you see it.

Please note that some girls may have hair that requires more specialized treatment; for example, for girls with very curly or kinky hair, it may not be necessary-or advisable-to comb it through. With these girls, you may just need to call in some female assistance. But once you learn how to do a few cute hairstyles for your little girl, she's going to think you're awesome (and the women in your life will be pretty impressed too).

Cellphone vs. Land line: Do We Need Both?

MrD — Thu, 22 May 2008 06:15:05 -0700

My wife and I both and cell phones and very rarely use the landline. We would save about $60 bucks a month if we get rid of the land line. But some people tell me that we need to keep it since we have small kids. The majority of our freinds only have cell phones, but they are the ones that don't have kids. I am leaning towards getting rid of the land line. Any thoughts?