How to Help Your Kids Deal with Sibling Rivalry

Brothers and sisters are bound to fight. If you have any siblings, this is already apparent. You remember Indian burns, noogies, wedgies, swirlies, purple nurples, wet willies and Charlie horses, right?

When you were a sibling, these battles were part of life, just something you had to put up with because your brother was a butthead or your sister was a skeezer. As a parent, however, this type of infighting takes on a whole new persona. Constant bickering between your kids creates an air of stress and anxiety in your household, and it's far too easy to throw your hands in the air and give up.

It can also be hard on a parent when they believe they've somehow failed their children. You're supposed to be raising two people that love each other, but there are times where it seems like you're raising two mortal enemies. Sibling conflict is inevitable, and while it may seem like it's tearing your kids apart, it's actually healthy. These seemingly endless battles are your children's first experiences with conflict resolution, and the skills they learn in these situations they'll carry into their adult lives.

Help them get through the process quickly and painlessly (for them as well as you) using these tips:

1. Eliminate the source of the conflict - More often than not, the battles between your kids will revolve around material possessions. She has something he wants, or he took something away from her, etc. The first step to defuse this situation is to eliminate the source. Take away the item, removing it from their sight entirely, before you begin the peace negotiations process.
   
   
2. Send them outside - When the battles between your kids start getting more and more frequent, take another approach. As soon as one starts brewing, send them outside. You'll be surprised how quickly their attitudes change when they know they'll get kicked out of the house for causing a ruckus.
   
   
3. Be a moderator - Sometimes kids have real issues with each other. Maybe your older boy is exceedingly cruel to his younger sibling for no apparent reason. Maybe they're having a boundary dispute that is not just going to work itself out. If this is the case, sit the two down and begin the negotiations process. This is the point where you teach them how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner. Be a moderator, and do not allow them to insult each other or get angry.
   
   
4. Set a good example - Kids take cues from their parents. If you and your wife handle disputes by yelling, name-calling or being physically abusive, your kids are going to pick up on that. Remember, as far as your kids know, the way you handle things is the way everyone handles things. They'll think it's totally normal to throw things at the person they're angry with, and by the time they find out otherwise it will be too late. Set a good example by dealing with spousal conflict in a healthy manner.
   
   
5. Let them beat each other senseless - If all else fails, many child-development experts say letting the kids handle it themselves is the best method. They maintain that children often fight for the benefit of the parents, and when you get involved and break it apart you're doing exactly what they want you to do. If nothing else, it will get them out of your hair for a while - long enough for you to regroup and decide what to do.

Sibling rivalry can be exasperating, but it's a means to an end. Learning how to deal with conflict in a healthy manner now will keep your boys out of bar fights later in life. It may seem endless, but stick to your guns - you're raising better kids.