How to Pick Your Battles

If you've ever had an argument with your child, you've probably experienced the frustration of trying to understand their logic. Some children, for instance, think you can just write a check for something regardless of the price. Why not? After all, checks are an endless supply of money. And with some stubborn children, everything can be a fight if you're not careful. When this happens, it can take a toll on your emotions and even your patience. Fortunately, it doesn't have to be this way. You can pick your battles and let some of the less important issues slide if you know which ones you definitely need to deal with. Consider these suggestions to help you decide when it's best to set your child straight and when it's better to just "let it go."

1. Will this issue matter in the grand scheme of things? - Sometimes we get all worked up over silly little things without even realizing it. We end up fighting with our children about the outfit they wear to school or something else that really isn't important. But some (or even most) of these things really don't matter when you think about it. Ask yourself if the issue is really important. A good rule of thumb is to think, "Will this matter when my child is 30?" If not, learn to let it go.
   
   
2. Will arguing about this only ruin the peace? - Some things simply aren't worth arguing about. And since fighting can ruin everybody's day by ruining the peace in the house, you should reconsider its importance. Is arguing about your child sleeping with their head at the foot of the bed rather than the normal way really worth sacrificing the peace for the entire night? Does it really matter if they choose to wear two different colored socks to school today? Some battles are worth it, but many of them aren't. Learn to tell the difference.
   
   
3. Is the issue going to affect your child's health or safety? - One way to know for sure if you should argue about an issue with your child is when they are doing something that could negatively affect their health or safety. Arguing with your son about climbing to that third branch on the tree is worth the effort because they could (and probably will) fall off and break their arm. Start off by trying reasonable and rational arguments before creating the "battle to end all battles." But rest assured that these types of issues are definitely worth the trouble.
   
   
4. Can you win? - Arguing with children can be frustrating because they simply don't understand logic. To them, money might actually grow on trees and there's a tiny little fairy that gives them money for losing their teeth. So your sensible and logical statements could go right over their head. If you know from the beginning that you're not going to win the battle, you can hold on to your last semblance of sanity by not even starting the argument. Just end it by asserting your authority from the start.
   
   
5. Are you arguing for the sake of arguing? - Sometimes we treat our children like our wife in that we start an argument just for the sake of arguing. But this can be detrimental to you and your child. Are you arguing because your child wants you to read one story but you want to read a different one? Think about this when deciding which battles to pick before you start arguing. Take ten seconds to think about it. If it seems like a valid argument that actually matters, proceed with caution.
   
   
6. Have I presented a clear set of rules that are easily understood? - Many arguments dads and children start because they have either had a misunderstanding or a miscommunication with each other. You can fix this by having a written set of rules and discussing them with your child so everybody understands what's expected and what happens when they violate the rules.
   
   
7. Does my punishment fit their rule violation? - Sometimes children get mad when they are unfairly punished. If this happens, rethink your punishment to be sure it fits their crime. Is it really necessary to give your child a three hour timeout just because they didn't finish their broccoli? When there's a violation of the rules, be fair. But don't make a scene in front of others and be reasonable with your punishment to avoid unnecessary battles.
   
   
8. Are there any advantages to winning the battle? - So what if your toddler wants to wear their favorite shirt to school three days in a row? You can overpower them and make them change clothes, but is there really an advantage to winning? They'll change their clothes, but you'll be angry and frustrated in the process of changing their mind. And you really haven't gained any advantages by winning the argument, either.
   
   
9. Is this simply the result of being a kid? - Don't argue with your children about things that they do simply because they are kids. Sometimes we forget that they're not adults and we have high expectations of them that we shouldn't have. Give them some room and allow them to be kids as long as they don't cross the line.

Arguing with your children is inevitable at times. It's just part of growing up as a child and as a dad. But arguing doesn't need to be a daily activity in your family. As a father, you should determine what's important and what you can let slide. If you can master these decisions, your child will likely develop in a more productive and healthy manner.