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How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
Submitted by tony on March 23, 2008 - 3:28pm.
Nothing can ruin a romantic evening in the bedroom faster than your toddler running in and wanting to sleep between the two of you. If you're lucky, this behavior only happens occasionally during thunderstorms or other frightening events. Some toddlers, however, simply want to sleep with mommy and daddy as often as they'll allow it. There are some ways you can train your toddler to sleep in their own bed throughout the night if you have some patience and determination.
- Recognize why your toddler wants to sleep with you - There are several
reasons your toddler might want to sleep with you. Different reasons may
have different ways of dealing with them. Some nights, they might feel like
they're missing out on something and they want to be involved with all the
"happenings." Other toddlers might be afraid of the dark or they might just
have a case of severe separation anxiety. Once you can determine the cause,
you're halfway to solving the problem.
- Create a transitional object for your toddler - Young children tend to
internalize their comfortable feelings toward their parents by transferring it
to an inanimate object. Blankets, teddy bears and other objects help young
toddlers feel secure during the night and in their own bedroom.
- Help your toddler create an imaginary friend - It might sound silly to
you, but imaginary friends provide a sense of comfort and security. Act like
you're tucking your toddler's imaginary friend in at night and pretend it's a
real person. If your toddler gets scared during the night, they can look to
their "friend" so they won't feel so alone.
- Have a consistent bedtime - Children need boundaries and schedules.
Allowing your toddler to go to bed at 10
P.M. one night and then 8
P.M. the next night only confuses them and it doesn't offer the
strict scheduling they need. Make sure you put them to bed around the same time
every night unless there is a special occasion that prevents that from
happening.
- Use positive reinforcement - Toddlers are suckers for small rewards.
If you have a problem keeping your toddler in bed all night, make a chart for
them and give them a sticker
for each night they sleep in their bedroom throughout the night. If an
entire night is too much to do right away, give a sticker for every hour they
stay in their bedroom. After a few nights, give them a bigger reward like a toy
or something they enjoy.
- Gradually increase away time - You might hear your toddler crying
because they want to sleep with mommy and daddy. But giving in to their cries
will only make the problem worse. Instead, go in their bedroom every two
minutes to calm them down. If they keep it up, go in at five-minute intervals.
Gradually increase the time until they stop crying and they have gone to sleep.
- Don't reinforce their behavior - Many times when a
toddler crawls into bed with their parents, they are simply looking for
attention. By talking to them, you give them the attention they crave. Instead
of yelling or scolding your toddler, simply carry them back to their bed, tuck
them back in and leave the room. Do this as many times as necessary until the
toddler learns to stay in their bedroom.
- Kill the monsters before bedtime
- There's a story about Vince McMahon, owner of the World Wrestling
Entertainment Corporation. When his son or daughter was afraid of the
"monsters" in the closet during the night, Vince would walk in the closet and
"beat up the monsters" inside. He'd then walk out and tell his toddlers that
those monsters won't be bothering them anymore. Other parents have sprayed air
freshener in the room and called it "Monster-Away" to give the impression that
the monsters will stay away for the night.
- Get a bed with boundaries - One reason toddlers crawl out of bed is because they don't have any visible boundaries reminding them to stay in bed. As a result, they follow their impulses and leave their bed anytime they want to. Find a small bed with rails or something similar and age-appropriate to help teach your toddler to stay in their beds throughout the night.
Once you teach you toddler to sleep in their own bedroom throughout the night, you can enjoy a sense of normalcy in your bedroom. It will do wonders for your relationship because you can once again enjoy the privacy and intimacy you once had. Training your toddler takes both patience and dedication from both parents. On the other hand, you can wait until they outgrow the habit when they reach their preteen years. Which option would you prefer?
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Re: How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
Yeah im totally confused, my son is 17 mths and he has slept in my bed since he was infant and i cant break him from not sleeping with me either. I went on nanny 911 website and theres some tips there but not really solutions for this young age. I got my son a playpen and a toddler bed and he will not stay in either he cries for a long time and i feel bad about it. My parents tell me he wont grow out of it if i dont break him of this, so im worried. Any tips?
Separation anxiety
Hi
Great article above. We have situation with my son who is now 19 months and up until recently slept well however has developed a seperation anxiety prior to going to sleep. He would prefer to sleep in Mum and Dad's big bed however that's not how we see it. If we leave the room he has a tantrum and yells and screams, "Dada!!' and unfortunately with our son you cannot leave him to cry it out he will start hyper ventilating so he's already able to manipulate mummy and daddy! We have a strict routine of putting him to bed at 7pm, bedtime stories after Milk etc. He has a security blanket and visible boundaries so that's not the problem. I wonder how we break him out of this habit so he feels comfortable going to sleep on his own?
I think I will try talking to him about it, unfortunately he cannot at this stage verbalise his feelings but perhaps I can see what else might be triggering this reaction. One thing that concerns me if this continues I will need to watch over him every night till he falls asleep and the same thing when he wakes up in the night.
Thanks
Wayne
Re: How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
My daughter just turned 2 and she's slept with us since she was very little. She has always been a bad sleeper and has probably only slept thru the night maybe 20 times since she was born. We've tried many times to get her to sleep in her own room. The crib seamed to be an issue so we got her a toddler bed when she was about 15 months old and she's maybe slept in it 10 times. Right now she sleeps on the couch. At night we lay down to unwind and watch television and she just lays down on the couch and fall to sleep. She still wakes up during the night and when she does she comes in our bedroom and has to sleep with us, she freaks out and uturly refuses to even get back on the couch, I dont even know how bad it would b if i were trying to get her back on her bed. I've tried letting her cry it out but she'll cry for over an hour, wont fall to sleep and will get so worked up she throws up and I feel like a bad mom letting her get worked up like I mean i can't just let her cry herself sick every night. i don't know what to do any reply would be helpful
Re: How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
the problem is so familiar to me! my 4 year old nephew made terrible scenes when left alone in his bed. we just didn't know what to do... 4 years is not so little, it's high time stop sleeping with one's parents. we have tried everything: have read lots of books on the topic (downloaded them mostly from our favourite http://www.picktorrent.com ), learnd the experience of friends and relatives, even addressed a doctor for help... all in vain! when the time came our boy said: "well, i'm gonna sleep in my bed!" took his favourite toy with him and that's it!:) don't know how to explain it
Re: How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
My 22 month son found out he could get out of his crib. He hurt himself, not severly, so we bought him a big boy bed. He chose it and helped his daddy put it up. That's when hell started. He will not sleep in it at night or at nap times. He has been getting only 8 hours of sleep if we were lucky this week and so is very irritable and cranky all day. we have tryed letting him cry it out, going in to settle him every 5 - 10 minutes but every time we leave the room he is back to being hysterical. He is not scared of something as far as i can tell. I think he has decided that either he will sleep with us or we will sleep with him since he has the freedom now to get out of his bed and wonder around. We bought a safe gate and placed it outside his room so he will not run around the house and maybe hurt himself, but he just stands there and cryes. he has never slept with us and we really don't want him to. I don't see why he should. He has always been a great sleeper with a bed time schedule and when he didn't feel like sleeping during a day nap time he just played with his toys until we would go and get him. He always seemed happy with that. I don't understand what happened.
we are all exhausted and desparate. Any suggestions???????
Re: How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
I have two sons, 3 and almost 2. They share a room, but both sleep with me (luckly I have a king bed) Ive tried training them to sleep on their own, its never worked. My youngest was trained when he had a crib. I would let him cry for 20 mins before checking in on him, and he would usually fall asleep before then. When he got sick it all went out the window. Now trying to train them again they feed off eachothers anxiety and will crawl right out of bed before I even make it to the door. My 3yr old has slept with me since birth and now thinks my bed is his too, which I dont blame him. Is this a bad age to try to train them? Ive tried moving their mattresses next to my bed but they crawl right back in when they wake up in the night, Ive trying sitting there till they fell asleep in their room, cool night lights, routine, letting them cry it out, EVERYTHING! What can I do?
Re: How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter who started this thing recently were she woke up screaming help me, i asked her whats wrong and she says the boogy is going to get me. I tried everything to get her to fill comfortable it seemed nothing was going to work. So finally i realized that it was shadows that were scarying her even with the light on there were shadows. so, i moved her room around to make the shadows go away and also making the room appear smaller which seems to have helped. Try things like this. GOOD LUCK!
Re: How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
Oh please, give your litle kids a break. What a hostile world! They are scared and they can't go to mommy. Please !! - it won't matter in a few years. I have boys 11 and six years old, and they sleep in their own room, but my litle one still comes to our bed. So what? We are adults - we can handle it, they cannot. They are still learning and they are so little. Does it really matter? One solution can be to make your toddler sleep in his own room (close to your room) and stay with him till he falls asleep. If he wakes up and comes to your room and if you must, then take him back but reassure him that you will stay there till he goes back to sleep. Also get a cartoon based night light. If he still protests or there are a lot of tears at bedtime, then just accept that he is not ready. It's OK. Give him more time. Their parents are the only ones they can turn to for reassurance and if you guys also turn them away, then how does that help? Toddlers cannot express themselves so well, so try and understand what they are trying to tell you.
And for the lady who is expecting again, well that is when I moved my first one out, but I moved myself as well as the new baby to that room as well for a few months. I would feed him quietly, and if the baby fussed, I would wake my partner and he would calm the baby down by walking up and down the corridor. In fact, this helped my new baby to gradually fall into the same sleep patterns as his older brother. By eight months of age the baby would sleep and wake up at the same time as his brother, and have two short naps during the day.
Both my kids are well adjusted and independent. So, just give your kids more time. And keep talking to them about how they can have their own bed when they are big boys or girls.
Re: How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
well i had and have this same problem, my son has slept with me since he was aroound 8 mnths old and my husband sleeps in the living room cause he snores bad///but he had surgery so its better now and we went and bought our son a nice car bed and mickey mouse sets, and he has slept in his bed two nights now. we lay down with him and tell him its his big boy bed and that he has to go to sleep......and once of us lay there until he falls asleep. he sleeps all night. if he wakes up we go back in there, pat his back let him know we r there, and hes ok. it takes a little time, but it works!!!!
Re: How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
my son is 2 1/2 and has slept in my bed with me from infant up but now i am pregnant again and the bed space is getting limited but i cannot get my son into his own bed i have even gone as far as moving his bed into my room where he could see me he will fall asleep in mine and i will move him to his bed but 10 minutes later he is screaming his head off. ANYONE WITH ANY TIPS PLEASE HELP ME I'M RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS
Re: How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
My son is 2 years old and has slept in my bed since he was an infant. I can not seem to get him to sleep in his own bed. Will these tips really help for my situation?
Re: How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed
My neice isabella slept in her own bed until her mommy had another baby recently we have tried rewards and they don't work.
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