Being Jon Gosselin

By Won Kim

Unless you stopped watching TV, surfing the Internet and buying food at the grocery store, you must have heard/read/seen the rumors surrounding the marriage of Jon and Kate Gosselin, who of course are the stars of the hit reality show, Jon & Kate Plus 8.

Just in case, let me give you some quick updates, Twitter style (and if you haven't heard of Twitter yet, well, never mind):

-       Jon & Kate through the miracle of fertility treatments had twins and then sextuplets.
-       TLC (The Learning Channel) decided to showcase a reality show about their family of 10. It is without question, TLC's most successful show.
-       Recently, Jon was seen leaving a bar with another woman. Both deny wrongdoing, Kate believes Jon, but tabloids have tarnished Jon's image.
-       Even more recently, gossip magazines have begun rumors about Kate's own infidelity.
-       Now there are rumors about their marriage crumbling ... all this in time for the start of the new season on May 25^th.

Some say it's good publicity, but even the smartest TV suits know that short-term ratings don't equal long-term success. Ted Harbert, CEO of the Comcast Entertainment Group, was quoted on www.thedailybeast.com, saying, "Most of the time I'd say that's good publicity. For this show, I'd say it's a problem."

More than the show's success or failure, my thoughts are on the 8 kids, the marriage and even Jon's example as a father. With more than 4 million viewers tuning in to watch last season's finale, like it or not, this show has far-reaching impact on parents. Even on the SavvyDaddy website, "Jon & Kate" has consistently been one of the top search words.  One forum post has 100+ comments.

Unlike a gossip column or an entertainment magazine, I'm not going to speculate about their rumored extramarital affairs. Instead, I'm going to wonder aloud what it would be like to be Jon ... starting from the very beginning.

Like Jon, I would want to have kids with my wife, but having been unsuccessful I would turn to fertility treatments. Ecstatic to have twins, my wife and I would put all our energy into raising these beautiful girls. Then somewhere around year two of being parents, we would wonder what it would be like to have one more child. So we try one more time, knowing it would be our last. To our surprise (and overwhelming fear), the fertility treatment performs better than we could ever have imagined and WOAH, there are six growing lives in my wife's belly.

Once that sinks in, there is anxiety as heavy as the Titanic. How in the world will we raise six new babies? Plus the twins and my wife and I, that's 10 mouths to feed. Eight college tuitions, two more mini-vans, thousands of diapers, tons of formula and just one-working income. How are we going to pull this off? And like the Titanic, I am sinking.

Then almost miraculously, a small, under-the-radar cable channel wants to take a chance on us. We'll get paid some nice dough per episode, receive a stipend to move into a bigger place (so that it's presentable to the viewers) and companies will send us tons of free products for ad placement during the tapings. Sure, our lives will be made public, but it beats being broke, in debt and continually anxious ... right? The tradeoff seems obvious.

Fast-forward a few years. I can't even step into a McDonald's without a handful of middle-aged women (and men) clamoring to talk to me. My wife and I have our private moments, but usually we're so busy with the kids, preparing for the show and trying to stay out of the limelight that we just forgot what it felt like to be alone again. I can't remember the last time I was dreaming about kids, our future and our lives together. The whirlwind of fame and nonstop activities made us almost numb.

Suddenly, maybe for the first time since we got married, my wife and I are evaluating our marriage, our identity and the future of our kids. The cameras are still here (but we're used to that by now), but there are vindictive character statements being said about us in public. This is one of those fork-in-the-road moments. It feels like forever ago, but there was a time when I doubted we could make it. When my wife was pregnant with our 3^rd, 4^th, 5^th, 6^th, 7^th and 8^th child in her belly, my mind told me to run away. There was no way we could make this work, I thought. But as chance or fate often does, it presents an opportunity to step up. I didn't run. I became a father of 8.

There may be 4 million people who watch me every week, but I can never forget that there are 8 people (well, 9 counting my wife) who watch me with the most attentive eyes. The decisions I make will be quickly forgotten by the 4 million people around the world, but to 8 little ones, it will dramatically impact the rest of their lives. This is when a person really shines.

Jon Gosselin, I have no idea what you're going through. I can only speculate just as every blog and magazine is doing. But one thing I do understand is that every dad wrestles with the fact that every decision he makes is not isolated unto himself ... there are others involved. You just happen to have a lot more others. Personally, I'm hoping the TV show, the fame, the money and everything else takes a backseat to your family.

Recall that time you and Kate decided to try for kids. It wasn't about the viewers, the timeslot or having your face on TV. It was about wanting to be a great husband and a wonderful father. I think we can all relate to that.