From a Savvy Mommy

by Tony Chen

After putting up my "Mad at Dad" response, I had a great email conversation with a savvy mommy.  Get a glimpse of what her life is like below.  Even when savvy mommies are married to savvy daddies, life is messy and crazy. 

They say that there's 3 sides to every story - his side, her side, and the truth.  Sometimes, it's good to hear her side so that maybe down the road, that 3rd side becomes clearer, too.

Without further ado...A day in the life of a savvy mommy.

What's interesting is that when I passed the article link on to my girlfriends, all of them responded that they, too, could commiserate to some degree with what the moms in the article were saying. And it's not like my friends (or I, for that matter) are married to bonehead losers. We are all married to highly-educated, successful, and responsible men who, above all, love their families. And we love our husbands immensely.

My husband and I were actually discussing the article this morning. He noted the other day just how stressed out I have been lately. I run my own business and work from home. We have three children (10, 5, 3). Our son is special needs and, to put it mildly, high-maintenance. My husband travels frequently, at least every other week, so I am often alone. 

My day begins at 5:00. I need an hour to shower, feed the cats, make coffee, prepare lunches and start waking up the kids. By the time I wake up my husband at 6:40, I have awoken, fed and dressed the kids. When he wakes up, he prepares a cup of coffee and watches the morning news. On Monday/Wednesday/Friday, he walks the two older kids to the bus stop at 7:15. He then spends 45 minutes working out while I get myself and our preschooler ready for the day. He eats breakfast and gets on the computer while I take our youngest to preschool. I then rush back and have roughly 2.5 hours to work without interruption (except on Monday, when she doesn't go to preschool). I pick her up at noon and then come home to feed her lunch, wash the dishes, do laundry, tidy the house and (hopefully) get a little work done before my older kids come home at 2:15. Then it's snacks, homework, play time, mediating fights (lots of them), more tidying, errands, (hopefully) a little more work, preparing dinner. My husband comes home at 5:30, and we eat together. He then either gets on the computer or goes to his "room" to play his guitars. Meanwhile, I'm cleaning up the kitchen, getting kids bathed, mediating more fights, finishing up homework and (hopeully) getting a little more work done. At 7:30, he reads a bedtime story to our son while I begin the arduous process of getting the youngest in bed. Thankfully, our oldest goes to bed on her own and reads. By 9:00, all kids are in bed and he's watching television. Me? I've still got work to complete. This is a typical day.

Now, I also balance the checkbook, take the kids to doctors appts, schedule meetings and appts for our son, volunteer at my daughter's preschool, tend to our vegetable garden, clean the bathroom, mop the floors, take out the trash and perform other menial household tasks. I also clean the two bathrooms every weekend at the preschool as a "family duty". And I do all grocery shopping. And banking.

Granted, my husband does mow the grass, vacuum, and clean out the gutters. He is also on the board at our daughter's preschool (which is a 2x a month obligation).

But, he wouldn't know how to install a carseat or give our kids medication. In fact, he won't make any kid-related decisions without deferring to me. For instance, he took our two youngest on an errand the other day and called to ask me A) if it was okay to buy them each a pair of new sneakers and B) what size shoes they wear (even though they were right there with him - he could have measured their feet). And when my husband was helping our daughter with her math homework last night, he had me check it to make sure it was correct! I'm the one who worries about if the kids are dressed warmly enough or if they've had enough breakfast to eat. I make sure the plants get watered and the windows get cleaned. I think about who in our family is having an upcoming birthday and if I need to call or send a card.

Just like one of the moms in the article stated, I feel I am multi-tasking so many things and projects and am carrying around so much extra "stuff" in my head. My chest literally hurts (and I am only 32 years old!)

I try not to begrudge my husband because, after 11 years, I realize this is just the way it is. I have accepted it. I don't like it, but I know there is little I can do to change things.

I don't think that women hate their husbands. Are we angry? Sometimes, yes. When my husband implied I should give up my business because "things" were slipping on the homefront, I got upset. My business, as stressful as it can be, is the one thing I have for myself. In the almost 10 years I have been a mom, I have never been away from ALL of my kids at the same time. Ever. I don't get a break. And even though my husband works while he travels, he is reprieved of all kid/home responsibilities for those few days each week. 

I know I might come across as sounding really unhappy and angry. I'm not. If anything . . . I'm resigned. My husband is a really wonderful man, and I have a lot to be grateful for. I just wish he could share some of the "head" stuff, if that makes sense.