Uncontrolled screaming
I am a new dad and we have a 3 month old son, Abram. His witching hour is usually around 6:30 PM or so. He typically will get fussy and will usually fall asleep for a few minutes. When we wakes, especially when mommy isn't around, he seems to be startled and will start screaming. The screaming will not usually stop by any conventional method. Shusshing, swaddle, passy, rocking, fresh air outside, nothing. He will only calm down when mommy returns. For instance, this went on for 45 minutes last night until my wife got home from her tennis match. As soon as she came in, he began to calm down, take his bottle and go to bed.
Does anybody have any ideas for how to bond with him so that he recognizes dad as a comfort and not just the guy that comes home to play at the end of the day? I don't like to see my son sending himself into these fits that leave him practically hyperventilating. Any ideas would be great. Thanks, Ira.
HELP!!! Uncontrolled screaming
hi,
i have a 6 month old son who is always screaming (day & night) we also have a 3 year old boy who was a very easy baby. Our 6 month old will scream for an hour + if we let it go on for that long, he has been changed, fed, played with, bonjella on his dummy etc. i think we have tried everything, we even recently took him to the chiropractor to have him looked at. after 2 visits he is still the same (does have his good days) i have a very little patience with screaming kids......but i'm ok. but my wife will get up to him 3-4 times a night just to settle him. Then during the day unless you pick him up he will scream so loudly and high pitched, occasionally arching his back. This has been going on for weeks, still no teeth!!! what else could it be? it's not just when i have him, but it seems to kick off around 4pm (close to me coming home) and will be continual until he goes down for the night. My wife is always so tired and looks worn out.......i try to help as much as i can........but what else can we do????
cheers
Re: HELP!!! Uncontrolled screaming
Have you looked into Colic?
My son screamed everyday/ In the evenings it was the worst.
Went to a Chropractor and all was well within 1 day.
Re: Uncontrolled screaming
Hey Irab,
First, don't take it personally that your child doesn't immediately recognize you as a comforter. As the first commenter noted, he actually has the opposite situation since he is around his child more often than his wife. So, it's more the "position" than it is you as a father.
Even at 3 months old, he is already aware that "I want mommy" (which is pretty advanced for a 3 month old in my experience). In other words, the fact that he immediately calms down when mommy enters the room should tell you that his crying is derivative of a "want" and not a "need."
This should comfort you somewhat knowing that you are not neglecting a need. Remember, the only way a 3 month knows how to communicate is through crying. So, you can translate what he's saying into "I want mommy."
This may sound counter intuitive, but my recommendation is for you to speak to your child in a confident, firm and sturdy tone and say, "Everything is fine. Mommy is coming home soon." (even though in your head you may not be thinking everything is fine ;0) ... what's important is that your child sees you in control and calm. Conversely, if he sees you "out of control" ... nervous... anxious... don't be surprised if he reflects that, too.
It may not be enough in and of itself to speak to your child authoritatively, but when you couple it with some of the other techniques, you may find a completely different result.
Another suggestion... when your wife comes home, ask her NOT to immediately rush to your child (again, knowing that it's a "want" and not a "need"). Instead, have her enter your baby's room calmly and confidently. And then have her say the same words... "Everything is fine. Mommy and daddy are here." Maybe she can fold clothes or something while she's saying it. Then have her leave the room for 5 minutes and come back and do it again. Then on the 3rd time, she can pick up your son and feed him or hold him or whatever.
This lets the child know that there is a balance to life.... that things will be okay EVEN IF mommy is not immediately available.
You guys are just starting out and there's lots to learn, but everything WILL be okay. The most important thing you can give to your child is love and you've been doing that from day 1.
Re: Uncontrolled screaming
I'm experienceing the opposite. My son is around me more than his mommy. He likes to throw little fits like you mentioned around the exact same time with his mommy if I'm not around.
I've found that a complete change or scenery while calm him usually. Going outside and watching the cars go by, or a bath. 6:30 is a little early for a bath. I like to use that as a going to sleep routine.
The best way to bond is to be around them more and play with them as much as you can. But also get up with them when they cry, in the mornings, and put them to bed at night. At least occassionally do all these things.
I'm in a semi unique position though.
I hope this helps!
Joshua
Re: Uncontrolled screaming
Our hospital gave us a list of 20 things to try to calm a screaming baby. I can't tell you how many times I went through this list patiently trying each thing, until inevitably something on the list would be the magic solution. I'm not sure where it is now; however p. 22 of
http://www.evergreenhealthcare.org/NR/rdonlyres/FDF5098D-F577-4B63-BC77-...
has most of them. I recommend you actually type up a list and print it out and tape it to the wall near where you would comfort the child. For some reason when the baby screams, the mind shuts down and coherent thought becomes impossible. Just having a list of things to try at 4am can be reassuring to you.
Rocking the baby standing up, standing on tiptoes and thumping your heels into the ground, and singing were especially good with our babies. It takes months, but eventually you'll figure out your child's cues and be able to more quickly calm them. Both of our kids also went through several phases where they preferred one parent (sometimes mom, sometimes dad) and the other parent had a harder time calming them down.
Re: Uncontrolled screaming
misdirection is good. however a couple of things you can try. try getting one of your wife's shirts, the scent may help (not like a dof but mommy does have a scent) also trainig, try training the baby to sooth it when it is upset instead of your wife while your wife is around have her be there than come in this will show the child that you can sooth too. but really it is seperation anxiety and you need to test by short bursts of absences by moomy and show the child that when mommy is not in front of then she is gone forever. remember the child doesnt know she is coming back. so thry those things. I have heard of one dad recorded his wife singing lullaby and then had one of her shirts and that worked.
Re: Uncontrolled screaming
Shusshing and gently bouncing up and down was the only thing that worked for me as a dad but the only problem was after 30 minutes my arms got sore and my mouth was dry. The screaming would start again.
Don't worry there is hope it was just around three months and things are much better now. My daughter is four months. Not sure how long it will take for your son but even though it feels like forever and ever and ever it will change.
Re: Uncontrolled screaming
I've found that at that age there's little that can be done. My now 6-month old was like that and only his Mummy could settle him. You mention bonding, but you'll find that it will take time and this trauma is just part of getting there. Have you tried an item of his mother's clothing so he has the smell at least?
Also when he is calm and settled, start getting into little games with him, i.e. peek-a-boo etc or showing him new things while using a soothing voice. Often, the tone of voice is enough to calm kids down which they associate with particular games. Otherwise just bide your time, in 2-3 months time you'll be wondering what all the fuss was about.
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