Heart Savvy

We tend to believe that while parents lead stressful lives, our kids have an existence filled with innocence and ease. They play all day long-- they don't have to worry about working or paying bills.  What stresses could they possibly have?

Insecurities can manifest themselves in your children in any number of ways. He can be less than confident about his abilities, balking at the idea of doing things he once enjoyed. He can be shy in social situations, avoiding family gatherings and becoming an outcast at school. Or he can find himself at a loss for words around certain peers (like a family member or a friend), unable to stand up for himself when caught in confrontations with these "red flag" people.

Since the arrival of Dr. Spock (the parenting author, not the ‘Star Trek' character), Americans have taken a strange view of child rearing. These days parents aren't so much concerned with raising well-rounded adults as they are making their children "feel good" about themselves. This has become the "everybody gets a prize" generation of parenthood.

Some unsuspecting playmate takes your son's Aquadoodle without his permission.  Suddenly he goes into an arms-flailing, flesh-chomping, Lego-throwing rage that would make Mike Tyson or Tony Soprano blush.  Should you check your Gerber for traces of ‘roids?  Perhaps schedule a visit to your doctor, psychiatrist, or exorcist?  Of course not.

Peer pressure is one of those unfortunate aspects of adolescence that affects kids of every race, status and social class. Examples of it are all around us from real life experiences to those found in the televisions shows, movies and music that profoundly influence every aspect of society.

Loss can come in many forms for your child. A divorce may separate her from a primary caregiver. Her best friend may move to another city. And death, the great equalizer, may claim one of her close family members. All humans must deal with the troubling issue of loss at one point or another.

We all want our kids to be successful. We get them math tutors, drive them to summer drama camps, buy them fancy tennis rackets, and encourage them to study with the best violin teachers-- all so that they have no barriers to success. But experts (vying for this year's Ironic Parenting Tip Award) now believe that success might be hampered by . . . success! Yes, you read that correctly.

Regardless of how many parenting articles we read, how much emotional support we give, or how many teachers we bribe, our kids will have failures. Failures are a normal and important part of life, even for the most successful people. For example, Albert Einstein's ideas were wrong more than they were right, and Tiger Woods has lost many more golf tournaments than he has won. But luminaries like these thrive from failure.